There is such a thing as too much Paris.

After weeks of rumors, Paris Hilton confirmed that she and Paris Latsis have ended their five-month engagement. "I'm sad to announce that I've called off my engagement," Hilton told Us in a statement. "Over the last couple months I've realized that this is the right decision for me. We remain best of friends, and I'll always love him. I hope people will respect my privacy during this emotional time."

A source close to the couple said that they actually broke up about a month ago. "They are just very different people," said the friend. "But Paris hoped things would get better. They didn't so she decided it was best to move on."

Now the question is: What happens to the $5 million engagement ring? Truth is, they could wipe out the debt of a small nation if they auctioned off that sucker and donated the proceeds. Now that would be hot.

Hilton's former Simple Life costar -- and current rival -- Nicole Richie is going to have a field day with this one.

I have frightening news: Star Jones is ready to be a mother. The National Enquirer reports that the View chatterbox, who was recently fired from her E! red-carpet hosting gig, is in the process of adopting a baby with her poor, poor husband, Al. Star has already said that her bundle of joy will be "the most spoiled kid in the world."

Like mother, like child.

Lindsay Lohan is going to show some skin for an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. Following in the stilettos of Paris Hilton, she's going to pose naked, strategically covering her private areas with her arms. "Lindsay [will] push the envelope even further [than Paris]," a source tells In Touch. At least Lindsay has a little more meat on her bones these days. Before it would have looked like skeletal remains.

The Star is reporting that baby Apple's parents, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, are expecting a fruity new addition to their family in the spring. "Gwyneth is 99 percent sure this baby was made in one of Chris' dressing rooms," a friend of the couple says. (Too much info -- even for me!)

Of course I won't be entirely convinced until Gwynnie starts flaunting her couture-covered bump. After all, the Star must have reported that Demi and Ashton were expecting about 10 different times, and the only baby Demi is minding these days is her baby-faced husband.

Keep up with the Hollywood baby boom in our Celebrity Baby Tracker.

Some stars use butt doubles, but "Sexiest Man Alive" Brad Pitt needs another kind of body double for his new film, The Assassination of Jesse James: a hand double. So is this why things with Jen didn't work out, you may wonder. Did he have calloused hands? Warts covering his digits? The truth is, his character, Jesse James, lost half of his left middle finger in real life. So to be true to the story, the producers hired five Canadian men, all with 9 1/2 fingers, to alternate as Brad's hand stand-in. Only in Hollywood.

And need I remind you that this Sunday is the date that Brad and Jen's divorce is final? So that's when the Brad/Angelina wedding watch will begin. The new Us reports that a source close to Brad and Angie predicts that a wedding will take place in the next few weeks.

Cheating. Ugh -- one of my least favorite words. In the last week or so, I've been inundated with stories about husbands cheating -- on both the celebrity front and personally. It's funny -- cheating was one thing when it happened back in college, where commitments seemed to last about as long as a keg at a house party. But it takes on a whole other meaning when it has to do with married couples, especially newly married couples.

Let's talk about Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush. The new Us reports that Chad cheated on this beautiful young starlet "constantly" and didn't even try to hide it. Eyewitnesses told the mag that just two weeks after their April wedding, CMM was partying solo and "acting single." Did I mention they were married for a mere five months?

Then there's Jamie-Lynn and A.J. DiScala, who were married for two years before splitting. I mean, you'd think Meadow Soprano's husband would be afraid to cheat. Fuhgeddaboudit! A source told Us, "[A.J.] was a very bad boy!" Another was more frank: "He cheated on her." Now I won't be so hard on her for making out with that club promoter.

And to play fair, women are guilty too -- just ask Tori Spelling. Her daddy dropped over $1 million on her wedding to Charlie Shanian in July 2004. One year later, she met an actor on the set of a TV movie and now they're living together. Oh, and he was married too. He has a seven-year-old son and a two-month-old daughter.

Maybe I'm naive, but I always thought that when you committed to marriage, it was different. Different than the high school football player you cheated on -- or the rugby player from college who cheated on you. I thought marriage was serious. You know, the real deal. I mean, what's the sense of getting married if you want to be with other people? These days there are acceptable alternatives -- like the Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins "we ain't ever gettin' married, so deal with it" way of life.

Jude Law is the new poster boy for cheating. The dashing chap, who's been doing damage control by staging photo ops while "playing with his children at the park," is the same fella who screwed his kids' nanny on a pool table. And, after two months of begging for forgiveness, his pretty, presumably smart fiancé, Sienna Miller, took him back.

It's like cheating has become like boho chic or a Balenciaga motorcycle bag -- it's the new trend. And right now I just feel so out of style.

Sky One is going to show video footage of Kate Moss snorting cocaine. Smart, that's just what impressionable young minds need: a step-by-step instructional video on doing blow. Meanwhile, Kate is now in rehab in Scottsdale, Arizona. In Gawker Stalker earlier this week, a store manager reported that Kate and her mum came into her Scottsdale store and purchased some clothes with an AMEX black card. At least she'll detox in style.

Britney's ticking me off. It's been 15 whole days since her evil little spawn was extracted -- oops, I mean since she welcomed her adorable baby boy into the world -- and there's still no exclusive. I thought for sure it would be in People last week. She loves them -- so much more than Us and Star, which she calls "false tabloids" -- and gave them the exclusives to her baby shower, pregnancy and wedding. Then the OK! owner, Richard Desmond, who is also a porn publisher, said they had an exclusive. But they have nada, just a couple pictures from outside the hospital of Kevin, Jamie Lynn and a gift bag that they sent the new mom. (Show-offs!) I'm demanding to know which rag Britney sold out to, and when I'm going to get the details of, like, Britney's totally life-changing moment, ya'll.

Us is reporting that the pop tart, who put on about 50 pounds, is freaking out about her weight. ("She hates being fat and is embarrassed by what happened to her," a source close to the singer told the mag.) Could they be right?

Dear Kate Moss,

Maybe if you don't do blow for a week, you can loan me the 200,000 pounds to buy John Lennon's hand-written lyrics for the Beatles song "I'm Only Sleeping." Just a thought.

Kisses,
Suzy

P.S. -- Oh, and I was totally kidding when I called your boyfriend a pudgy, pale crackhead.

The sex of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's baby is Hollywood's worst kept secret. In fact, Jennifer is the one who keeps letting it slip. Last night on Leno, the Alias star accidentally referred to the kid as "she" two times. The first time she tried to cover it up -- she just continued talking. The second time, she put her hands up to her mouth and paused for about 10 seconds as the audience laughed. She then took a big drink of water and continued on with the segment. She must have what my friend Tammy calls "placenta brain," the condition pregnant women get when their brains turn to mush and they forget what they're talking about or accidentally say the wrong thing. So the countdown for Baby Girl Affleck is on.

Paris Hilton has a new critic: Shirley Temple Black. The 77-year-old (!) former child star recently said that professional-party-girl heiresses like Paris are "stealing the thunder from really talented actors who have learnt their craft." A fellow Shirley -- Shirley MacLaine -- backs up the one-time-curly-haired cutie. "[Paris] just shops and goes to parties," griped MacLaine. "It irritates me, as in my day you had to really work. It took Bette Davis seven years of hard slog to reach the point where her name was above the title on a movie." I bet Paris will think it's "hot" that these women are even talking about her.

Halle Berry says her celebrity crush is George Clooney. They're both single...

Donald Trump is going to have to say "You're hired!" -- to a nanny. He and his wife, Melania Knauss, are expecting their first child together. This will be the fifth child for the Donald, who has three with his first wife, Ivana, and one with his second wife, Marla Maples. Here's hoping the baby looks like the stunning Melania.

For every happy Hollywood couple, there are two miserable ones -- or so it seems today. Just two days after Demi and Ashton became man and wife, I have two celeb splits to report -- One Tree Hill's Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush, and Kathy Griffin and her husband.

Let's start off with comedian Kathy Griffin. I honestly can't say I feel bad that her marriage to Matthew Moline fell apart. As I recently learned from Jason Lee in My Name Is Earl, karma's a bitch. Kathy's always ripping on all the Hollywood peeps (like poor Dakota Fanning!), so I think it came back to bite her in the buttocks. She filed for divorce on Friday, citing irreconcilable differences. On the bright side, it will give her new material.

Now let's tackle the first couple of the WB. Married a mere five months (yahoo, they beat Renée & Kenny!), a spokesperson for Bush confirmed the split to People.com. The actors released separate statements using words like "unfortunate" and "sad." This shouldn't come as a surprise to Blabber regulars -- I told you back in July they were on the rocks. I think the giveaway was the fact that Chaddy boy was hanging in strip clubs days after they tied the knot. Had it been months, I wouldn't have been so suspicious. But days? That's a red flag. He was also seen making out with a blonde shortly before his nuptials. They will continue to costar together in their WB series, which means there will be some major behind-the-scenes scrambling to keep them as far apart as possible -- until someone is given their walking papers. My guess is that Sophia will be the first to go, unless CMM jumps ship first to try and become a movie star or some nonsense.

Ah -- love, sweet love.

I love New Yorkers. They're not afraid to share their opinions, and sometimes their honesty just slays you. My friend Alex works in the mortgage biz and his office happens to be on the same floor as a Universal Studios screening room. So the other day, as he was heading back to the office, a screening of the Al Pacino/Matthew McConaughey flick Two for the Money was letting out. As all the moviegoers exited the theater, a Universal exec was getting feedback. Alex said all the responses seemed positive, but one older woman's comment cracked him up. "Yeah, I liked it alright," said the senior citizen, "especially when you think about all the s**t Pacino's been putting out recently." Then she marched off on her merry way.

It's nice to hear it's actually good. I was going to see it merely to check out Matthew McConaughey's smokin' bod. Whoo-ah!

AOL promotes this article about Kate Moss today with the headline "Kate Moss Tells All." I thought there was some juicy dish -- because you all know I'm obsessed with the string bean. But in actuality, Kate doesn't tell squat. The only quotes from her are from the statement she released last week apologizing -- and, as I told you, she didn't even mention drugs. Meanwhile, News of the World says Kate is headed for rehab any minute now. I'm still waiting...

Jodie Foster has been missed. The Academy Award winner's new movie, Flightplan, was tops at the box office this weekend. Here are the numbers...

Movie Ticket Sales
Flightplan $24.6
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride $20.1
Just Like Heaven $9.8
Roll Bounce $8.0
The Exorcism of Emily Rose $7.5
Lord of War $4.9
The 40 Year-Old Virgin $4.3
The Constant Gardener $2.2
Transporter 2 $2.15
Cry Wolf $2.1

Estimated ticket sales are in millions of dollars, for Friday through Sunday at North American theaters.

After a string of splits, I'm happy to announce that there's at least one happy couple in Hollywood. People.com reports that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore tied the knot over the weekend. There are very few details available at this point, but the wedding took place in Los Angeles on Saturday night. There were about 100 people in attendance, including Demi's three daughters and her ex-husband Bruce Willis. You can also safely assume that the kabbalah devotees worked their religion into the ceremony.

This is the third marriage for Demi, who was previously married to a musician named Freddie Moore (1980-84) and Bruce (1987-2000); it's Ashton's first trip to the altar. The newlyweds hooked up in May 2003 after meeting through friends at dinner in New York City. Shortly after, Demi relocated her girls from their farm in Hailey, Idaho, to Los Angeles, and they moved in with Ashton.

Plus: Check out Demi & Ashton's photo album -- with pictures spotlighting their love story.

We have a new member of the incontinence club. Joining the Black Eyed Pees singer Fergie is Jenny McCarthy, who wet herself while she was in Howard Stern's tickle chamber. I always knew Jenny was drippy, but this is ridiculous.

According to the NY Post, Sienna Miller, who is back together with nanny penetrator Jude Law, made a few conditions for her fiancé before she agreed to take him back. One was that she required him to make a list of all the women he'd ever slept with. So you can imagine her ire just days later when reports surfaced that her true love had wild three-way sex with a coked-up Kate Moss and his ex-wife, Sadie Frost. That made for one unhappy fashionista! Well Sienna is getting the last laugh against Kate ‑- rumor has it that Burberry, which dropped Kate because of the coke scandal, is going to hire SeeSee as her replacement. And things keep getting worse for Kate: Rumor has it that Jefferson Hack, the father of her two-year-old, is now seeking sole custody.

The child custody drama I could certainly do without, but I must say I love this Sienna-Kate feud. Sienna has long been an annoyance for Kate. Not only did See start shagging Kate's best friend's husband, but then See copied Kate's boho-chic style, passing it off as her own, and became the fashion world's "It" girl. Seeing as See has a thing for copying Kate, let's hope that doesn't include picking up a coke habit. Meow!

I've been giving John O'Hurley a hard time for the last month, but last night he beat General Hospital's Kelly Monaco in the Dancing with the Stars dance-off. So now the former Seinfeld star has my utmost respect, and I shall never diss him again.

My friend Natalie, who's in the theater biz, gets free tickets to all the Broadway shows. If I'm a good Blabber blogger, sometimes she invites me along. Last night, we were checking out the preview of the new play A Naked Girl on the Appian Way, and who was sitting behind us but Valerie Harper. You know -- Rhoda!

It took all my restraint not to turn around during act one and say, "Oh, Mare" or ask her what it was like playing Jason Bateman's mom in Valerie. Now that was some good TV -- until Val quit the show and they changed the name to The Hogan Family. That's when it all slipped away. That damn Sandy Duncan... During intermission, I was introduced to Valerie and she gave me a big "Hi, Susan." Of course that's not exactly my name, but do you take Rhoda to task on a small technicality like that? I think not. The woman starred in the Mary Tyler Moore Show for God's sake -- she didn't need me correcting her. And I'm happy to report that Rhoda is looking good for 65. She has curly hair and was wearing glasses. And though she's typically the one making people laugh, the show was making her laugh -- and she was laughing louder and longer than anyone in the theater.

As for the play, which starred Jill Clayburgh and Richard Thomas (John Boy on The Waltons), it was crazy. This brother and sister, who were adopted into the same family, announced they were in love. Then their bisexual brother, also adopted, professed his love for each of them. There was some making out between siblings. And the mother of all three was outed for having a lesbian love affair with the neighbor. You know, nothing wild. Just your typical, run-of-the-mill Broadway play.

Craziness runs in Anne Heche's family. The actress wrote about her multiple personalities in her book, which was appropriately titled Call Me Crazy. Well, clearly the actress's mother isn't playing with a full deck either. Nancy Heche, who tours the country speaking at ex-gay Christian events, preaches that her prayers got Anne to leave Ellen DeGeneres.

Needless to say, Anne, who did split with Ellen and ended up marrying a man and starting a family, is peeved. "This nonsense about my mother praying for me is really making me angry," Anne told the NY Daily News. "My mother never approved of my relationship with Ellen. Her hatred for our relationship is one of the many things that ultimately led to my breaking off all communication with her. (My mother, that is, not Ellen)... And for anyone who ever thought that Ellen and I broke it off because of sexuality, you couldn't be more mistaken. And for anyone who thought my mother's prayers had anything to do with me marrying a man, forget it."

Maybe giving Martha Stewart two TV shows upon her release from prison wasn't such a good thing. The ratings from Wednesday's premiere of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart were pretty crappy.

As I told you earlier today, semi-attractive supermodel Kate Moss has had a crappy week, resulting from photos of her doing blow being published. Well, today she publicly apologized to friends, family and the people who sign her paychecks for causing them grief. However, she doesn't actually mention the drug reports or photos in her written apology.

"I take full responsibility for my actions," Kate said in a statement released by the Storm Model Management agency. "I also accept that there are various personal issues that I need to address and have started taking the difficult, yet necessary, steps to resolve them. I want to apologize to all of the people I have let down because of my behavior which has reflected badly on my family, friends, co-workers, business associates and others."

I'm telling ya, the trip to rehab is imminent. Ticktock. Ticktock.

Sarah Jessica Parker really is lovely, or so says a Blabber insider, who emailed me photos from the former Sex and the City star's in-store appearance to promote her new fragrance at Marshall Field's in Chicago on Monday. Here's what she said:

"Key words: tiny dancer. She was sooo small I couldn't even believe it. It was shocking. She was also extremely, extremely polite and said, 'How do you do?' to each and every guest who walked up to get her autograph. And did I mention that about 3,000 people turned out to see her? The store was nuts, but she couldn't have been sweeter."

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See someone cool? Tell me about it.

I know that you don't care about Tori Spelling's split as much as Renée and Kenny's, but there are some interesting new details coming to light about Tori's separation that are making for juicy dish. I already told you about the finger-licking incident with Usher... well, apparently Tori got frisky with some other fellows as well.

1) Since she got married -- and let me remind you it was barely over one year ago -- the NY Daily News says that she's been seen in NYC cuddling up to a struggling soap star, who has since relocated to the west coast.

2) While filming what I expect to be an Emmy-winning TV movie called Mind over Murder in Ottawa in August, Tori was also getting busy with her costar Dean McDermott, who was also married. On September 12, Dean filed for divorce from his wife of 12 years. "It just happened," Tori's friend told People about the affair. "No one meant any harm to anyone. You can't help who you fall in love with and who you're right with."

Earlier in the year, Tori filmed a TV pilot based on her life for NBC. At the time the former 90210 star said something delusional like: "Everyone is always so interested in my life, so I thought I'd make a TV show about it." Needless to say, the series, which was basically about Tori shopping, petting her dog and showing off her fake boobies, wasn't picked up. (However, as kindly noted below in the comments section, VH1 is considering it for next year.) But I can guarantee that had she exposed her real life of sex, lies and secrets -- instead of the whole "I'm the perfect daughter of a billionaire producer" crap she put in the pilot -- she'd be worrying about ratings right now rather than tabloid stories. Actually, this whole scandal should be pretty good for her "career."

The photos of Kate "Hoover Vac" Moss doing coke are nothing to sniff at. Since the story broke, the supermodel has lost three contracts, has had her sex life splashed on front pages everywhere, is being investigated by Scotland Yard -- and her boyfriend has been caught making out with a man. Rough week, right?

Days after H&M said they would keep her as their spokesmodel, they kicked her to the curb. "After examining the situation, H&M decided that the campaign with Kate Moss is not compatible with H&M's clear rejection of drugs," the Swedish-based company said in a statement. Bitch slap! Chanel and Burberry also dropped her, though they didn't release any nasty statements. Instead, they both said that her contract is coming to an end. Convenient.

Meanwhile, all this drug talk has dredged up past claims that Kate likes the threesomes -- or even the twosomes with other women. One of the women she's reportedly gotten hot over is her best pal, Sadie Frost, who was married to Jude Law and is the mother of his three children. In fact, it's been long rumored that Kate, Sadie and Jude enjoyed "playing together" and that he could have possibly fathered Kate's daughter. Look for that rumor to come back into play now. Kick a girl while she's down, right?

Here are some other juicy articles to blow through:
Police to Probe Kate Moss Drug Claims
Pete Doherty Seen Kissing a Man

Kate has got to be minutes away from going to rehab to clean up her image (and regain those contracts). She spent some time there in 1998 being treated for "exhaustion." So let's take some guesses. Post the date and time you think she'll check herself into a rehab facility. The winner gets... the satisfaction of being right. I'll go first. I say Saturday, Sept. 24, at 10am. What do you think?

One week after Britney gave birth, there's finally official confirmation of the baby's name: Sean Preston Federline. Apparently Britney promised (sold?) the exclusive to People, which had just put its previous issue to bed, so we had to wait an entire week for the mag to run the story. It hits newsstands on Friday. Other details about S-Fed's birth:

So to those keeping score, Access Hollywood was the news outlet that got the name correct. Us insisted it was going to be Preston Michael, MTV heard Christian Michael and I thought it was going to be Poor Child. Oh, well -- can't win 'em all.

Tuesday's Access Hollywood reported that Renée and Kenny's marriage ended because she wanted children and he didn't. Apparently he said he did prior to tying the knot, then he changed his mind over the last four months -- hence the "fraud."

Meanwhile, Kenny spoke out to Country Weekly about his failed marriage, citing exhaustion as a reason for the split. Here are excerpts from the interview:

"I'm all right. I'm good. There have been better times, but I'll be OK."

"I had the biggest tour I've ever done, I had a record to finish that was real important to me, and, of course, I had something new in my personal life and I was trying to do that, too. It really ended up being too much. At some point, I just got exhausted."

"I need a break real bad, and I'm going to go away for a couple of weeks -- I'll be fine. I'm tired right now, but by next year, I'll be excited to get back to it. And it'll be about the music again, not about the sideshow."

Did he really say he was too tired to be married?

I know a lot of you liked the INXS reality show, which ended last night. Personally, I'm glad it's over. Here's why: INXS frontman Michael Hutchence is irreplaceable. With a career that spanned over 20 years, he was -- and always will be -- one of Australia's and the world's greatest performers. And INXS won't be INXS if some Joe -- especially one that was voted for during a shoddy reality show -- is singing their songs. It's been nearly eight years since the sexy rock god killed himself -- or accidentally suffocated himself during a sex act... your call -- and I get that his band wants to continue playing music. So why don't they form a new band with a new voice, new direction and new name? The only reason they want to keep the name INXS is to capitalize on the money that having "INXS" headlining a show would bring. Because when someone new is singing the songs and writing the lyrics and fronting the band, it's not INXS. It's something different.

I equate this to having Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr hold a casting call to fill the slots left by John Lennon and George Harrison, then going on the road as the Beatles. Or the Edge, Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton filling Bono's shoes and still calling the band U2. For some people, INXS was their Beatles. Michael was their John Lennon. Their Bono. So when somebody else is making the songs, it is -- and always will be -- a second-rate substitute for the real thing. And because of that I say good riddance.

Rebecca Romijn doesn't let grass grow under her stilettos. After ditching John Stamos (their divorce was final on March 1), she's getting ready to walk down the aisle with Jerry O'Connell. The Crossing Jordan star popped the question to the unattractive model turned actress on Saturday in New York. They've been dating since last summer.

My heart goes out to John Stamos, whom I affectionately remember forever as hot rocker Blackie Parrish on General Hospital. Not only did he lose the girl, but he lost her to the fat kid from Stand by Me. I think Johnny boy needs to spray a little WD-40 on his bag of tricks.

You know how Hollywood has that whole incestuous thing going on -- all the stars have slept together, worked together or done blow together. (It doesn't sound very nice, but it's true.) Anyway, this amusing photo spread pokes fun at the tight-knit world of celebrity, where stars have other stars on speed dial and they can always find a beautiful date.

On the season premiere of Oprah yesterday, Jennifer Aniston told O that she is ready to start dating again. Her relationship with Brad is history, she's moved on and she wants the rest of the world to "turn a page!" The former Friends star credits yoga and her girlfriends for helping her make the difficult transition. "I'm not sitting dwelling about the past or stressing or fretting about something in the future," she said. As for rumors in People that she's dating Vince Vaughn: "Oprah, you know not to believe those tabloids." However, she didn't give a yes or no answer. And, rest assured, she said she does want kids. "Do I want babies? Yes I do. I do." Jen's divorce from Brad Pitt will be finalized on October 2.

Meanwhile, you'd think Claire Danes -- whose boyfriend, Billy Crudup, famously dumped eight-months-pregnant Mary-Louise Parker for her -- would be on "Team Jolie," but she's not. "I worried about Jennifer, you know?" Claire said in the new Details. "It's the Jennifer we all carry inside of us." Touching.

Don't call Christian Slater a groper. Yesterday, a judge told the former teen idol that charges against him will be dropped if he stays out of trouble for the next six months. With his criminal record, that's a big if.

I can't say I got much sleep -- I was finishing up our Best & Worst slide show -- but I know how you dahlings hang on my every word (as if!), so I must weigh in on the Emmys before I settle in for a long nap. Keeping with the whole award theme, I'm giving my own Blabber awards for things that I liked -- and loathed. Let's begin:

Best Bounce Back: I bow down to Heidi Klum. She gives birth on Monday and shows up at the show six days later looking s-t-u-n-n-i-n-g.
Worst Camera Work: I'm always on Fergie's case for the incontinence thing, but I needed binoculars to spot her during the Black Eyed Peas/Earth, Wind and Fire number. Give a girl some airtime, huh?
Best Loser Moment: Alan Alda ripping up his acceptance speech in the audience. He was joking, right?
Worst Best Actress Award: Patricia Arquette has no inflection in her voice whatsoever. You're an actress –- emote! And get a new stylist.
Best Creep: Despite playing creepy characters with weird fetishes, James Spader just gets hotter and hotter (and weirder and weirder) with age. Love ya, Steff!
Worst Pervert Look: I know Jason Lee needs the facial hair for his new show, My Name Is Earl, but the dude looks like a perv with the 'stache!
Best Turnaround: Just when I start thinking Jeremy Piven is a total sleaze (all the womanizer rumors), he brings his mom to the show. One, two, three: Aww!
Worst Attitude: Jesse Metcalfe brings his new girlfriend on the red carpet, then shoots pissy looks to every reporter who asks about her. Don't want to answer questions? Don't bring the girl.
Best Budget: Lost. They flew in their whole cast -- from Hawaii. With gas prices the way they are, you can imagine how expensive that was! Turned out to be a smart move: They won best drama.
Worst Reporter: Star Jones. She wore velvet (it was 90-something degrees), asked Debra Messing about her daughter (she has a son!) and gave Jennifer Garner a baby outfit (the superstitious first-time mom doesn't want any gifts until after she delivers). Star's waistline does look good, though.
Best Surprise: I didn't know my husband Dave Letterman was going to be on the show. He never does award shows! So you know I was giving him a standing O along with Jon Stewart, who beat the worldwide pants off the Late Show host in the variety show categories.
And the "She's Killin' Me" Award goes to Cynthia Nixon: When the heck is the former Sex and the City star going to walk the red carpet with her new girlfriend? The wait is killing me.

On a final note, I have to say thank you to the Emmys. I was stuck in the 20th century, still using a VCR, until last night when the sucker broke during the show. So I ordered DVR and got it installed this morning. (I don't mess around!) Praise be to digital recording.

Oh, I have so much to say about the Emmys. But I've been up all night working on the fabulous slide show that we're putting together. So I'll be back a little later to dish.

For now, check out the complete list of winners, and play Usher In the Stars -- our new game that's completely addicting. And if that doesn't keep you busy, post below and let me know what your favorite show moments were. Then I'll let you know if I agree. Till later.

WINNERS:
Drama Series: Lost, ABC.
Comedy Series: Everybody Loves Raymond, CBS.
Miniseries: The Lost Prince (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS.
Variety, Music or Comedy Series: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central.
Made-for-TV Movie: Warm Springs, HBO.
Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race, CBS.
Actor, Drama Series: James Spader, Boston Legal, ABC.
Actor, Comedy Series: Tony Shalhoub, Monk, USA.
Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Geoffrey Rush, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, HBO.
Actress, Drama Series: Patricia Arquette, Medium, NBC.
Actress, Comedy Series: Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives, ABC.
Actress, Miniseries or Movie: S. Epatha Merkerson, Lackawanna Blues, HBO.
Supporting Actor, Drama Series: William Shatner, Boston Legal, ABC.
Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Brad Garrett, Everybody Loves Raymond, CBS.
Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Paul Newman, Empire Falls, HBO.
Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Blythe Danner, Huff, Showtime.
Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Doris Roberts, Everybody Loves Raymond, CBS.
Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Jane Alexander, Warm Springs, HBO.
Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program: Hugh Jackman, The 58th Annual Tony Awards (2004), CBS.
Directing for a Drama Series: Lost: Pilot (Part 1 & Part 2), ABC.
Directing for a Comedy Series: Desperate Housewives: Pilot, ABC.
Directing for a Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, HBO.
Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program: The Games of the XXVIII Olympiad -- Opening Ceremony, NBC.
Writing for a Drama Series: House: Three Stories, Fox.
Writing for a Comedy Series: Arrested Development: The Righteous Brothers, Fox.
Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: "he Life and Death of Peter Sellers, HBO.
Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central.

The New York Daily News should not be permitted to talk smack about any Desperate Housewives men until they learn how to correctly spell their names. This is from the latest edition of Gatecrasher:
Who Metcalf Met
Jesse Metcalf seems to have found something he liked at Fashion Week: a pretty brunette PR gal. A spy says the "Desperate Housewives" actor met the woman in the W Lounge backstage at the Bryant Park tents. They exchanged digits, but a pal of the Southern belle says she played hard to get. "He kept calling and persisting to have some downtime with her," says the snitch. "They were spotted at the Rag & Bone after-party on Sunday, and he would not let up. She said, 'I'm not hooking up with you,' and he said, 'But it's my last night in town.'" Tease.

It's actually Jesse Metcalfe. Apparently the Daily News doesn't have the fabulous copy editors that I have! The paper constantly misspells this kid's name. I don't know why it's so difficult.

Meanwhile, Jesse and another girl -- his girlfriend -- made their first public appearance at the Emmys tonight. (Clearly his lines work on some ladies.) We'll have more on Jesse -- and, of course, the Emmys -- later.

Update: Because I'm crazy like that, I emailed Gatecrasher's Ben to tell him about his mistake. Here's his reply:
-----------------------------------------------
From: Widdicombe, Ben
Sent: Monday, September 19, 2005 3:11 PM
Subject: RE: it's jesse metcalfE

D'oh!
Thanks
Ben
-----------------------------------------------

The NY Post reports that Renée Zellweger doesn't have to worry about paying spousal support to Kenny Chesney: They had a prenup. Kenny, who is worth more than 10x what sweet Renée is, pulling in $60 million last year, had his lawyer create a prenup that made it clear "each party walks away with what they came into the marriage with. There never was or will be any spousal support," said one of Kenny's pals. The source also said it was clear that the marriage wouldn't last when Renée spent the month of August hanging at her homes in Connecticut and the Hamptons instead of visiting Kenny on tour. I'm sure Renée's friends will have a retort.

For more on the Renée/Kenny split:

Britney checked out of the hospital in Santa Monica yesterday. Here are photos of:

For more on Britney:

Step aside, Renée. Your split is yesterday's news. Tori Spelling of Beverly Hills, 90210 fame has separated from her husband of one year, David Silver. Oops -- make that Charlie Shanian. (In case you were wondering, that's not Charlie in the photo, that's her dog/maid of honor, Mimi LaRue.) Since Tori and Charlie married in July 2004, in a multi-million-dollar wedding that took place at her father Aaron's 56,000-sq.-ft. palatial estate in L.A., there has been some gossip about their marriage. Most notably, Tori got c-r-a-z-y at the Kentucky Derby in May. After introducing herself to Usher, who was dancing on a table, she took his hand and started licking his fingers. She followed up the saliva salutation by hiking up her skirt and climbing on the table -- only to be pulled down by her pissed husband, who knocked Michael Jordan out of the way to grab her and physically remove her from the party.

Not to be mean, but maybe this is what multimillionaire Tori gets for greedily registering for so much loot at Williams-Sonoma. I mean, did she really need the $1,799 espresso coffeemaker? And couldn't she have afforded to buy her own $7 stainless-steel spatula? I wonder who will get "custody" of the cow creamer.

The good news is, I've put in calls to Kelly, Dylan and Brandon, and they tell me she's muddling through this big mess. In fact, they are all headed over to the Peach Pit tonight to slurp their troubles away (Nat's famous milkshakes!) and then go clubbing at the Peach Pit After Dark. So everything will be back to normal in no time.

fraud n.

1. A deception deliberately practiced in order to secure unfair or unlawful gain.
2. A piece of trickery; a trick.
3. a. One that defrauds; a cheat.
b. One who assumes a false pose; an impostor.

As I told ya yesterday, Renée Zellweger filed papers to annul her four-month-old marriage to singer Kenny Chesney, citing "fraud" as the reason for the split. Since then, everyone -- including me -- has been trying to figure out what the heck the fraud was. Well, apparently Renée knows we're all buzzing about it and she wants us to cut it out. In a statement released earlier today, Renée said she was trying to "clarify that the term 'fraud' as listed in the documentation is simply legal language and not a reflection of Kenny's character. I would personally be very grateful for your support in refraining from drawing derogatory, hurtful, sensationalized or untrue conclusions and greatly appreciate your understanding that we hope to experience this transition as privately as possible."

Okay, Renée honey. Anything for you. I won't speculate if you don't want me to... Now seriously, folks. You must tell me what you think the fraud was. Is he gay? Does he lip sync? Did she decide on fraud when he took his hat off -- as Miz T suggested? What is the deal? And do you think this means that Nicole Kidman is going to dump Keith Urban now that actresses being with country singers appears to be out?

Lance Armstrong listened to me. Yesterday, the seven-time Tour de France winner announced that he will stay retired. "I'm happy with the way my career ended," he said during a conference call. "I'm not going back. I'm sick of this." Now if only he'd dump Sheryl. I'll try to work my magic.

The honeymoon is over for Renée Zellweger and country singer Kenny Chesney. The couple, who impulsively married on a beach in May after dating for a few months, announced that they will be annulling their marriage. It was the first marriage for both. The actress filed papers yesterday in Los Angeles citing "fraud" as the reason for the split. Her petition also asks that Kenny not receive any spousal support. (As if!)

When I first saw the headline, my jaw dropped, but I can't say I'm all that surprised. They dated for like a minute, and since then they were rarely seen together. "Oh, he's working," became Renée's overused excuse. Here's hoping this split will leave her so emotionally devastated that she'll start overeating. Come on, she could stand to gain a few.

You and I both know that I'm o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Why that stunning supermodel is dating that pudgy, pale crackhead is beyond me. I mean, this woman dated Johnny Depp. A step down, no? Anyway, Kate's friends (like Sadie Frost) all have their panties in a twist over her relationship, and rightfully so. There are rumors that she smokes crack with her lova ‑- serious accusations, especially because she has a young daughter. Anyway, let's step away from the crack talk for a moment, shall we? Because that's all speculation and conjecture. Let's get to cold, hard facts ‑- like the fact that Kate was on the front page of today's Daily Mirror tooting to her heart's content. That's right, photos of Kate Moss doing lines of coke at a Babyshambles recording session. (To those of you not as obsessed as moi, Babyshambles is the band Pete formed after getting kicked out of the Libertines for robbing one of his bandmates.) Pete and punk rock legend Mick Jones (of the Clash), who is producing the next Babyshambles record, are also seen snorting coke from Kate's "mammoth stash." Apparently the photos are stills from a video. In it, Kate is seen preparing 20 lines over a 40-minute span. When one of Pete's friends offers to help, an annoyed Kate snaps, "I'll do it." As the night goes on, she's also seen doing shots of whiskey, smoking a J and "chatting merrily" about her kid.

When Kate returns from her next stint at rehab ‑- which you so know is her next move or else her ex, Jefferson Hack, is going to try to get custody of their kid -- perhaps she should forget about those Chanel, Dior and Calvin Klein ads. She's needs something new to clean up her image. Something wholesome. Something bubbly. I'm thinking beverages. Hey, maybe Coke is it!

Britney has finally confirmed the birth of her son on her official Website. (I guess I could cut her some slack -- she's been sorta busy.) Here's her message: "We are ecstatic to announce the birth of our son! Everyone is happy, healthy and doing wonderful. Thank you for all your love and well wishes!!"

More on Brit:

Excuse me if I'm not totally on it today. A coworker just told me that I look like Ashlee Simpson with my new shorter 'do. I believe his words were, "You have a whole Ashlee Simpson look going on." Ugh! You know what something like that can do to a girl. Anyway, here's the latest from Tinseltown:

Elizabethtown's Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst aren't shying away from rumors of romance. During a recent press junket, Orli crashed one of Kirsten's interviews and proceeded to tell journalists how "wonderful" she is while hugging her tightly. Later, in response to a reporter's question about what he wants for Christmas, Orli answered: "Kirsten by my side -- she's all I need to have." No word on what Jake Gyllenhaal and Kate Bosworth think about all this. Meanwhile, Sienna "I've Never Gotten Better Press Since Jude Cheated on Me" Miller was seen snuggling up to her Layer Cake costar Daniel Craig. They, too, played lovers onscreen. After dinner at the Ivy in London recently, they split up, but met 10 minutes later at a club. They partied together all night and he dropped her off at her mother's house at 7am. As the brilliant lyricist Lionel Richie would say: All night long -- all night.

Baby Federline has arrived! Us is reporting in what they're calling a "world exclusive" that Britney Spears has given birth to a baby boy. The little bugger arrived at shortly before 1pm today at the Santa Monica UCLA Medical Center.

For all you Britney addicts dying to know more, here's the deal: At shortly before 6am, Brit and her aspiring rapper husband (read: unemployed seed spreader), Kevin "K-Fed" Federline, arrived at the hospital -- with a police escort. She was taken to a private birthing room. (Though how private can it be if there were reporters there witnessing it?) At about 12:15pm, Brit was moved to a delivery room, where she delivered via C-section. Kevin was by her side, presumably eating Cheetos, chatting up his boyz on his cell and scratching his backside.

The couple hasn't released the baby's name -- or even confirmed his arrival at this point. But a source told Us weeks ago that the poor kid will be named Preston. (It's Brit and Kev's preemptive strike to make the kid sound smart. "Let's give him a smart name, y'all. Then he'll be, like, totally taken seriously despite having us as parents.") This is Britney's first child; Kevin already has about 20 to 40 children running around. (Sorry, just being bitchy -- he has two: Kori, 3, and Kaleb, 1.)

Britney asks that in lieu of flowers, please send her gift certificates to Starbucks, cash for her superexpensive mortgage payments and workout clothes -- she's all about being the hottest MILF in Hollywood. Angelina be damned!

Britney Spears is reportedly undergoing a C-section... as I type. According to NationalEnquirer.com, America's tackiest pop tart is popping out her evil spawn -- or having it surgically removed (whatevs) at a hospital in L.A. The operation began at 7:30am PT.
I'll keep you posted.

Until the official news comes in, feel free to Help Name Britney's Baby. The names she's mulling over -- like London! -- are so weak.

Also, consult our Celebrity Baby Tracker for news on all the hottest celebrity pregnancies right now.

Heather Mills, wife of Paul McCartney, is no joke when it comes to her dedication to PETA. Yesterday, the former model turned activist stormed the NYC office of J.Lo's clothing company, Sweetface, to deliver a DVD about animal cruelty. (If you hadn't noticed, J.Lo loves the fur and uses it on a lot of her designs.) Well, while Heather was there, a scuffle broke out with J.Lo's security team and Heather's prosthetic leg reportedly came off. But it was all in a day's work for Heather, who vows to continue her crusade to make J.Lo stop wearing and selling dead animals. "She keeps saying she wants to be educated," Heather told the NY Daily News. "So the next stage is I'll find out where she lives and show up there. And I'll get ahold of her at her premieres." Yikes -- somebody better warn her about the psychotic, take-no-prisoners bodyguard J.Lo employs. That Marc Anthony won't let her -- or anyone else -- near his "Sweetface." Meanwhile, when the News asked Heather about the off-color joke skanky Kimberly Stewart recently made about her, Heather replied: "Rod Stewart is a long-term friend of Paul's, so I doubt she said it." Obviously she hasn't met Kimberly yet.

A Blabber insider went north for the Toronto Film Festival, where big stars like Madonna and Gwynnie were schmoozing their hearts out. Here she shares an up-close-and-personal celebrity encounter: "Today I rode the elevator with Bill Paxton and a whole lot of people at the Four Seasons. One person in the crowd was one of the notoriously obnoxious junket-hound journalists. He was yakking on and on to some publicist -- loudly -- and then was comparing the food in the various publicity suites. (For the record, today's spread at the Disney suite totally beat out DreamWorks and Warner Bros.) Anyway, as soon as he got off the elevator, Paxton sighed and said he had been wanting to take that guy out all day. I wanted to laugh my head off. I guess they really do notice us when we're at those roundtables -- but only if we're total jerks." Apparently the elevator was the place to be in Toronto. Earlier, she rode an elevator in the same hotel with Six Feet Under's Freddie Rodriguez.

Forget crème puffs! It's going to be all about wedding cake for Matt Damon. According to Us, Matt popped the question to his longtime civilian girlfriend, Luciana Barroso, around Labor Day. (She now goes by the title "interior designer," but she was a bartender when they met two years ago.) His spokesperson confirmed that the two are indeed headed for the altar. This will be the first marriage for both -- Luciana has a six-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Matt's BFF, Ben Affleck, married Jennifer Garner earlier this year. The boys from Beantown are settling down!

Well here's some food for thought... Courteney Cox says she's skinny and if you have a problem with that, you can kiss her bony behind. When asked by OK! mag about the press accusing her of being too thin, she said: "I don't really feel responsible. If I like myself a certain way, I shouldn't have to feel like I'm responsible for anorexia across the country. I have never had any control over what anyone does, in any capacity. If I like myself at this weight, this is what I'm going to be. I don't have an eating disorder." I love Courteney, but you can't tell me the girl doesn't have food issues. After all, she named her kid Coco. You can't say she wasn't dreaming of a chocolate bar or a milkshake when she came up with that one.

A half-eaten crème puff, noshed on by the one and only Matt Damon, is up for auction on the Belgium version of eBay. The pastry, which was snatched from the set of The Good Shepherd, Matty's upcoming movie with Angelina Jolie, is being touted by the seller as a "great collectors item" and "100% real." The bidding begins at $200.
I hate to be the (sugar) buzzkill, but usually when someone only eats half of something, it means it totally sucks. So why in the world would someone want to pay big money for Matt Damon's half-eaten, totally sucky crème puff? Instead, go to your favorite bakery, pony up three bucks and get yourself your very own fresh, tasty, saliva-free pastry. You'll save yourself $197, germs galore and probably some legal trouble -- Matt Damon needs to file a restraining order against whichever nutcase buys this thing.

Dave Letterman has his favorites and whenever they come on the show, he totally lights up. We're talking high wattage. The sometimes surly host laughs at everything they say in an overtly flirtatious way, kisses their hands, tells them they great they smell and gives them once-overs while grinning, "Wow! You look magnificent!" You know what I mean -- you've seen him do it with Julia Roberts, Sarah Jessica Parker, Drew Barrymore and Amy Sedaris. But right now I'm listening to Dave's interview with Dr. Phil and I swear Dave is flirting with him. The playful sparring. The continuous laughing. He's all giddy. No kissing or sniffing yet, but if something wild goes down, you'll be the first to know.

The stars turned out for Hurricane Katrina benefit Shelter from the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast, which aired from 8-9pm Friday night on all six broadcast networks. For the most part the celebs were dressed down -- it was like a sea of denim. (Very expensive denim no doubt.) Here are some photos from the event:

Julia Roberts
Cameron Diaz
Jennifer Aniston
Ellen DeGeneres
Kanye West
Mariah Carey
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
My husband Dave Grohl
Allison Janney and Debra Messing

And if you still want to make a donation, it's not too late. Just call 1-866-4AIDNOW or visit RedCross.org or SalvationArmy.org.

Photos courtesy of 2005 Joint Network Gulf Coast Benefit, Inc.

Robin Wright Penn, wife of gun-toting actor Sean Penn, has a message for journalists who ridiculed her hubby's rescue mission in New Orleans last week: "To them, I say 'F**k you!'" Mental note: Don't piss off Robin Wright Penn.

Horrors! I just realized that there has been a serious lack of Britney dish in Daily Blab, so I'm going to rectify this immediately. Here's the latest on your favorite white trash pop tart:

I had such a fabulous gossip moment that I must share. Let me set the scene: Yours truly, walking down the street, Gramercy Park, NYC, early evening. I'm filling in my eldest sister, who was too busy at work during the day to check my blog (!), on the latest celeb dish.
Moi: Oh, and things are still kicking between Nicole and her country boy.
Sis: Keith Urban?
Moi: Uh-huh. They went to the Bahamas together for a secret getaway. Then, over Labor Day weekend, they were spotted again having dinner together at a restaurant in Connecticut. Apparently he was very attentive, holding the door for her ‑- blah, blah, blah.
As I'm talking, we come upon an older couple, 50s, who are strolling down the street. When we pass, the woman, who overhears our conversation, begins to speak...
Strolling woman: And then the next day, Nicole and Keith went back to the same restaurant and ate lunch. It must be getting serious. Her companion shoots her a quizzical look. She shrugs: I read about it this morning.

Fabulous, right? A complete stranger finished my story about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. And she was totally right ‑- they did go to lunch the next day. I hadn't gotten to that part of the story yet. It's funny ‑- sometimes I catch some flack for earning a living writing about celebrities. (Typically from men, not women. Women just grill me about their favorite stars. "Is it true Nick and Jessica are on the rocks?") So this encounter was a great reminder that I'm not the only one who cares about all this "silly celebrity stuff" ‑- or calls Nicole Kidman by her first name.

Here's a juicy blind item from Bopbitch. Can you guess who they're talking about? Post your guesses in the comments section below, or shoot me an email at blab@mail.ivillage.com.

Which newsworthy Brit actor has had a number of secret sexual encounters with other famous actors, including a pretty-boy American chick-flick favourite, who is married to a feisty blonde actress?

Marc Anthony has allowed Jennifer Lopez to leave their home -- to make some money. Yesterday the stunning diva was in NYC doing publicity for her new movie, An Unfinished Life. In addition to stopping by the trendy Essex House to do some publicity, she dropped by The Late Show with David Letterman for some chitchat with Dave. The show airs tonight at 11:35pm. Check out these photos that were snapped outside the Ed Sullivan Theater.
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Photos courtesy of Jesse N. Randall

Yet another reason that I detest Kimberly Stewart... Not only did Rod's skanky daughter make Jennifer Aniston cry by calling her "homely," she's now making fun of Paul McCartney's amputee wife, Heather Mills, who lost her leg when she was hit by a motorcycle. "What has three legs and lives on a farm?" asks the fugly blonde in the October issue of Stuff. "Paul McCartney and his wife." Great job raising your daughter, Rod. She's a class act.

Motorola is on it. Madonna is the spokeswoman for their new phone/iPod, the MotoROKR, and the ads are so current that they feature her ‑- in her cast. But don't expect plain old plaster of paris of the diva, who broke her hand, some ribs and her collarbone last month after getting tossed off a horse. She looks all sophisticated in a gray dress and a sleek black cast and sling. (Click on the photo at left to get a better look.) Casts seem to be this season's hottest accessories: Madge, Jason Mraz and Nicollette Sheridan have all been seen sporting them.

Common, who was the special guest at the MotoROKR launch party at Webster Hall in NYC, hip-hopping his heart out onstage. Kanye West's pal even snuck in some new lyrics to one of his songs. It went something like this: "F**k Bush. F**k Bush"... Lindsay Lohan chillin' at Elle's 21st birthday party celebration at Bloomingdales in NYC... Rosario Dawson, with a male friend, in NYC's Central Park... Antonio Banderas, hanging out sans wife Melanie Griffith, on the Upper West Side... Dennis Quaid, who is "really tall in person," outside the W Hotel in Union Square chatting on his cell.

Just got this photo of Brad Pitt from his new movie that I thought I'd share. (Click on photo for expanded view.) He plays Jesse James in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Daddy Braddy is filming the flick up in western Canada through the end of the year. And, yes, Angelina has already been to visit the set. (Marking her territory!) She brought the kiddies up a couple weekends ago, and the new family went on an outing to an area museum to show Maddox a dinosaur exhibit.

Yet another reason to check out the Emmys on September 18: Entourage's Adrian Grenier is presenting. Here are the rest of the presenters, though they aren't nearly as attractive:
Zach Braff, Geena Davis, Alyson Hannigan, Chris O'Donnell, Mischa Barton, Rachel Bilson, Halle Berry, Jon Cryer, Patrick Dempsey, Charles S. Dutton, Craig Ferguson, Matthew Fox, Mariska Hargitay, Jason Lee, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Debra Messing, William Petersen, Ellen Pompeo, Kyra Sedgwick, Charlie Sheen, Jimmy Smits, James Spader, Jon Stewart, Kiefer Sutherland, Quentin Tarantino and Sela Ward. As previously mentioned, Ellen DeGeneres is the host.

And speaking of Adrian Grenier, if you haven't already checked out our new interview with him, it's a must. It's a "lost interview," which took place in 1999 -- long before anyone had ever heard of Vincent Chase. Enjoy!

Dear Lance,
You know I'm one of your biggest fans. We date all the way back to '94, when I spent a week touring West Virginia, watching you race in the K-Mart classic. I became a fan immediately, scoring one of your water bottles to save for posterity. (Of course I lost it right away -- so much for making big bucks on eBay.) That was long before you had cancer, big fat endorsements from Nike or even won a Tour. When you announced your retirement in April, I'm so devoted that I hopped a flight to Georgia to catch your last race on American soil. And watching you clinch your seventh Tour victory was a thrill -- you truly went out on top. (Truth be told, I was a little worried -- you had been spending more schmoozing at Hollywood events than saddled up on your bike. But I digress.) After the race you vowed you were finished with professional cycling. You actually used the word never. And when Ann Curry told you that people were skeptical that you would retire, you replied: "They're absolutely wrong. It's time to move on. I don't need more Tour victories." Now, a mere two months later, you're talking about coming out of retirement? Come on. Don't be pulling a Michael Jordan on me, flip-flopping back and forth. Who cares about the new doping allegations? People have been saying that you've been doping all along. And, need I remind you, you've never failed a drug test. Why is their trash talk different now? Take my advice: Stay retired, spend time with your kids and raise more money for cancer. You are the best cyclist in the world, if not ever, and you have nothing left to prove.
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan

P.S. -- Oh, one more thing: Don't marry Sheryl Crow either. The thought of it gives me hives.

Bruce Willis has been tapped to help select Italy's most beautiful woman -- he's heading up the jury of the "Miss Italia" pageant later this month. How about that: Bruce is getting paid to check out young women. He's already such a pro (Lindsay Lohan, Nadia Bjorlin, etc.) that I bet he'd totally have done it for free.

Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter, Apple, is adorable! (See recent photos of her walking with Mom in NYC.) And that's all I have to say about that.

Just picked up the new issue of Us with ‑- surprise, surprise ‑- Brad and Angelina on the cover, which reads: "Planning to Marry!" The story talks about Brad's growing closeness to Maddox ‑- last week the tyke was again overheard calling him "Daddy." Brad's even adding two bedrooms to his L.A.-area home for Angie's kids. As for marriage, they're talking about it, but a source says it won't happen "for a while." His divorce from Jennifer Aniston won't be final until Oct. 2 anyway, so the real wedding watch won't begin until then. That gives us three whole weeks. Also of note:

Although Nicole Kidman's rep denies she's dating country singer Keith Urban (right!), the cute couple recently went on a romantic getaway to the Bahamas. While there, they kept on the down low, avoiding big resorts and public transportation. They even boarded their private plane separately. Then, over Labor Day weekend, they dined at the Good News Cafe in Woodbury, Connecticut, enjoying it so much that they returned for lunch the next day. "He was a perfect gentleman," said another patron. "He opened the car door for her when they left." What -- no jumping on furniture? They're way classier than TomKat.

This "anything you can do I can do better" competition between Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan is out of control. They've gone head to head over acting, music and even boys. Now their latest competition is to become the skinniest starlet in Tinseltown. Here's the report from the field:

Team Lohan: Out of the gate, Lindsay was off to a roaring start, dropping to about 90 pounds. Her body looked like a 14-year-old boy's, while her face looked old, worn and gaunt. After getting some "What is she on?" press, she finally gained a few healthy pounds back -- maybe 5 to 10 -- and she's starting to look like she's alive again. The keyword here is "starting."

Team Duff: Hilary, who seems a wee bit obsessed with LL, has decided that she too must be a poster girl for heroin chic. After landing the older boyfriend (Good Charlotte's Joel Madden), she, too, is trying to go for an older, thin-and-trim look, starving herself down to about 90 pounds. "I just got rid of the baby fat," the latest lollipop kid recently said on the red carpet.

Like, they're totally even starting to sound exactly alike too!

It was announced today that actor Bob Denver, who played goofy castaway Gilligan on Gilligan's Island, died Friday at age 70 of complications from cancer treatments. In recent years, Denver had been living in wild, wonderful West Virginia, where he cohosted an oldies radio show with his wife, Dreama, and was memorably arrested for pot possession when he had a big package of bud mailed to his house. (That's right, Gilligan went from Mary Ann to Mary Jane!) This was a rough year for the actor. Fighting an undisclosed cancer, he underwent surgery to remove his voice box in April and was left speechless. At the time, he was also diagnosed with artery blockage and underwent quadruple heart bypass surgery in May.

Rest in peace, little buddy.

Sure, Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan were making nice for photographers at the recent VMAs. Lindsay even gave Ashlee a little peck on the cheek. But there's no denying that Ashlee's new song "Boyfriend," which you can listen to here, sounds like it could be a little trash talk retaliation against L-squared. (The girls have been having a minifeud since Ashlee reportedly took up with Lindsay's ex, Wilmer Valderrama.) Here are some lyrics:
Don't you bring me down/ all that stuff about me/ being with him/ can't believe/ all the lies that you told/ just to ease your own soul/ but I'm bigger than that/no you don't have my back
Juicy! But I think the bigger dilemma here is why so many girls are gaga over Big Wil. In addition to these two, he's been linked to Mandy Moore, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Alba. Does anyone have any insight as to why Wilmer's such a stud muffin? If so, hit me with a comment below. I'm baffled.

This morning when I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of my cavernous apartment, I had only two things on my mind: catching my train and interviewing S.E. Hinton... When I was a kid, I was obsessed with The Outsiders. I have my eldest sister to thank ‑- she and her friends would watch the movie over and over, especially the part where Rob Lowe, who played Sodapop, stepped out of the shower. "Can you see anything?" they'd giggle as they replayed it in slow motion for the thirtieth time. Okay, I admit it ‑- I was looking, too. From there I discovered the book, became completely obsessed with both and I practically memorized the whole damn thing. ("Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.") So this morning I got to sit down with Susie Hinton, who wrote the book back when she was in high school. Although I probably frightened her with my "passion" for the Outsiders ("I have 'Stay Gold' on my iPod," I told her excitedly), the Tulsa, Oklahoma native was delightful and dished to me, for an upcoming interview, on the making of the 1983 movie, which boasted a young cast including Lowe, Matt Dillon, Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez, Tommy Howell, Ralph Macchio, Patrick Swayze and Diane Lane. (Hope that casting director got a fat paycheck, right?) Anyway, years after the original film was released, there's a new version coming out this month that's more true to the book called The Outsiders: The Complete Novel. Famed director Francis Ford Coppola reintegrated 22 minutes of footage into his original -- including a new beginning and ending -- and laced it with a new soundtrack. (Of course Stevie Wonder's amazing "Stay Gold" remains.) The new version is going to be re-released in theaters next weekend and the DVD -- with extras like never-before-seen auditions and footage from a recent cast reunion -- goes on sale September 20.

So if you're interested, check it out. If not for me, then do it for Johnny!

Lance Armstrong's next race will be to the altar. The seven-time Tour de France winner, who retired from cycling in July, proposed to girlfriend Sheryl Crow last Wednesday. They were in Sun Valley, Idaho, on a mountain bike trip at the time. No wedding date has been set, but the buzz is that it is happening next spring. Wonder if they'll forgo limousines and arrive at the ceremony on matching Trek bikes.

In other couples news, Sienna Miller appeared at the Venice Film Festival to promote her upcoming movie Casanova (no, her cheating fiancé isn't the star -- Heath Ledger is), and she was not wearing her engagement ring. Perhaps taking a jab at Jude during a press conference for the film, See said: "Personally, I've met a few Casanovas that I've liked, and a few that I haven't. And I hope to meet a few more."

While some stars are reluctant to admit that they're in therapy, Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, who is dating Las Vegas hottie Josh Duhamel, tells the NY Daily News that she uses hypnotherapy to "balance the chaos" of her life. "It isn't as fruity and weird as most people think," she said. "I mean, I'm not in some doctor's office and they hypnotize me and all of a sudden I'm dancing on a table singing Tiffany. It's more like normal therapy for an hour, and then for the last 10 minutes we do some hypnosis. It's great."

Perhaps her doc could help with her whole incontinence thing. Just a suggestion.

I'm sort of obsessed with concert riders. Last week I told you about the demands musicians made at the VMAS. Here are some things stars wanted in order to appear at the recent World Music Awards:

Before Harrison Ford flew off to the Venice Film Festival with gal pal Calista Flockhart, one of our spies spotted him in NYC shopping for a moderately priced camera... Mischa Barton, wearing a black jacket, taking in a movie at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood.

Had an encounter with a celeb? Tell us about it -- and don't skimp on the details.

Yikes! I obviously pissed off a few people with my Kanye West post. That totally wasn't my intention and I apologize to anyone who was offended. What I was trying to say ‑- which I obviously didn't make clear in my late-night post ‑- is that in my opinion Kanye's efforts to raise money for the Hurricane Katrina victims would have been better served if he hadn't pushed his political agenda. Do I think it took too long to get supplies to the victims? Absolutely. Who doesn't? I saw the same horrible images on my TV screen that you did. But when the purpose of an event is to collect money for people who are desperately in need, why not appeal to as many people as possible? Get up there, put on your celebrity smile and ask for donations ‑- from everyone. Don't insult all the Bush supporters because, like it or not, clearly they're the majority (at least when it comes to voters), as proved by the last presidential election. Kanye should have just flashed his million dollar smile and said: "Open your pocketbooks. These people need your help." He could have even thrown in a comment like: "It took too long for the supplies to get to the victims." But calling the president a racist on national television? I'm sure it turned off a slew of Bush supporters and that isn't helping the cause. Calling Bush a racist isn't going to help feed or clothe or treat any of the people left devastated by Katrina.

I also want to go on record and say I like Kanye. I'm a fan. College Dropout? I own it. I just downloaded four tracks from Late Registration. But I think it's absolutely a mistake for celebrities to push their political opinions on people. It's annoying and it's ineffective ‑- just ask John Kerry, who had about 75% of Hollywood stumping for him. I'm sure Kanye had the very best of intentions. But I think he could have helped to raise more money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina had he simply stuck to his script.

There's no denying that Kanye West is arrogant. When he lost best new artist to Gretchen Wilson at the AMAs, he had a temper tantrum, whining, "I was the best new artist this year, so get that other bullsh-- out of here." He's so cocky he said he alone "is carrying all of hip-hop." (That was probably news to Snoop and Eminem.) But his arrogance got the very best of him tonight when he embarrassed himself during A Concert for Hurricane Relief, NBC's classy attempt to raise money for millions of victims of Hurricane Katrina. Onstage with Mike Meyers, Kanye decided to deliver an impromptu rant, accusing President Bush of racism, saying "George Bush doesn't care about black people." He suggested that delays in providing relief to survivors of the hurricane were deliberate. He also lashed out at the National Guardsmen (who had shoot-on-sight orders to stop violence and looting) as well as the media ("If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food"). The producers cut him off before he could finish his tirade and Mike Meyers looked on uncomfortably. I'm all for freedom of speech and think Kanye should flap his gums as much as possible on the red carpet or during interviews. But tonight wasn't about him. It was about all the people in the south who desperately need help. Tonight wasn't supposed to be about Kanye's political beliefs. It's about the 1000s of people who are dead or missing and millions left homeless or jobless. Time recently put Kanye on their cover, calling him "Hip-Hop's Class Act" and "the smartest man in pop music." Sadly, it didn't seem so tonight.

I'm getting a late start today because last night I was in Central Park listening to Bob Weir play some Grateful Dead classics ("St. Stephen"!) and watching the hippies do their fun little dance moves. Not too much happening today before the holiday weekend, but here are some tidbits I dug up:

I thought I'd save you $3.49 and share the juicy tidbits that the new Us has to offer. I know ‑- I'm such a pal!

Lindsay Lohan says that she recently tried to extend an olive branch to her nemesis Hilary Duff, but Hil said: Hell to the no! "I called her last week, and I was like, 'Do you wanna hang out?' And her sister hung up the phone on me!" Lohan told Australian mag. The girls have been feuding over Aaron Carter since 2001. "It was, like, literally four years ago when that happened. We were 14, 15, we liked a boy, it was, like, a crush," Lohan says. "Eurgh, it was so stupid! And I was like, 'We have a lot of similar friends in L.A. Let's just be cool, so if we see each other everything's fine.' I don't wanna have fights with people." Well, apparently Hilary does.

According to People, Chelsea Clinton and her longtime boyfriend, Ian Klaus, have called it quits. They had been living apart recently ‑- she's in London working on a public health care project and he's in Iraq and Afghanistan writing about the soldiers ‑- and the distance became too great. Chelsea just returned from getting some R&R in Hawaii with her parents, where she was seen dining with Pierce Brosnan and his wife, Keely.

If Us is to be believed ‑- and they should be because they totally called the Brad/Angelina thing long before anyone else ‑- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are hooking up. According to the story in the Sept. 12 issue, the day after The Break Up wrapped, the two went to the House of Blues in Chicago to catch a Dwight Yoakam concert. While there, Vince kissed Jen's neck, forehead and the top of her head. Later, they were spotted holding hands, dancing and full-on making out. (We linked to the "incriminating" photos the day after, but they didn't look that telling. Apparently Vince and Jen saved the good stuff for when cameras weren't snapping.) In the past, they've denied a relationship, but a source tells Us that it's something that's developed recently. Interestingly, Jen's relationship with Brad was exposed for the first time when they were cuddling at a concert as well ‑- the Tibetan Freedom Concert in 1998. If Jen and Vince are together, it could create major buzz for their new film ‑- just like it did for Brad and Angelina's Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But let's just hope there isn't a nasty breakup before The Break Up.

Also: Jennifer's first post-Brad TV interview will be with Diane Sawyer. ABC hasn't announced a date yet, but they'll be trumpeting it in the next few weeks. This is Sawyer's second big get -- next week her sit-down with George Clooney at his villa in Lake Como will air. It's the first time he's let video cameras into his vacation house.

Hollywood heavyweights are once again rallying together for a good cause ‑- to aid the victims of Hurricane Katrina. NBC, MSNBC and CNBC announced they will simulcast "A Concert for Hurricane Relief" live from Rockefeller Center on Friday night. The show will be hosted by Matt Lauer and will feature performances by Tim McGraw, Wynton Marsalis and Harry Connick Jr. Other big-name celebrities will appear, like Leonardo DiCaprio. Some of the other networks are also making plans:

Meanwhile, Louisiana native Britney Spears says she's praying for the victims. Let's hope that the mama-to-be, who just reportedly dropped over $100,000 for her new nursery, makes a big donation, too.

If you're a Laguna Beach watcher, I have a spoiler for you. Some of Orange County's famous teens made the scene at Jessica and Ashlee Simpson's post-VMA party, and there was some hooking up. Bad girl Kristen dissed her high school classmates, setting her sights on cute MTV veejay Damien Fahey. The two were thisclose, chatting it up all night. As for good girl LC, when she saw Jason (Jessica's ex) talking with another girl, she went over to him, grabbed him and started making out with him. Meanwhile, the other object of their affection, Stephen, told the NY Daily News he's single.