Was Britney channeling Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazzard last night in Will & Grace or has she been watching too many episodes of Hee Haw and eating Cheetos on her maternity leave? The Southern Belle act was a little too thick, and the hair just a little too much…

Although, the whole thing was oddly fitting -- Britney coming to guest star on a lackluster show long past its prime that's not even making any bones about being on its last legs. With only a few episodes left, Will & Grace might think it's going out with a bang -- lots of celeb guest stars, thickening the plot and all of that -- but is anyone watching anymore? Even Joey is making bigger headlines, but maybe that's only because people keep thinking any mention of the show is going to announce its demise (see the news on Matt LeBlanc earlier today).

How do you rate Britney's performance last night? Did you even watch?

Brad and Jen have divested of one more asset from their relationship: their Malibu mansion. The huge house sold for $22.5 million according to People.com. It had been on the market at $28 million for several months. Guess even scandal doesn't help in a soft housing market.

Juicy details are emerging from Naomi Campbell's tirade against her maid. It wasn't just a phone, a la Russell Crowe, that she threw at her maid, injuring her, it was a Blackberry. And not just any Blackberry – this one was encrusted in Swarovsky crystals. Ouch. That's gotta hurt. Naomi accused the woman of stealing and beat her about the head. The judge let her keep her passport so she could go on a charity mission to South Africa with Nelson Mandela. An ambassador of good will? We think not..

Meanwhile, Christian Slater is acting as something of a love ambassador in England, where he is working on a play. Page Six reports he's romancing a British reality TV star from one of their modeling shows. She doesn't like cheaters, apparently, but her online profile says nothing about butt-gropers.

In other international news, Rolling Stone published its first edition in China. No word on whether Jann Wenner is going to storm over there and sort out the situation. Maybe they should have started with Us Weekly, instead.

And, finally, the breaking news of the century: People.com has new pics of Nicole Richie cavorting with former flame DJ AM. As if we hadn't figured out already that they were back together. The whole thing was probably just a ruse to get Paris Hilton to break up with her boyfriend, since Paris seems to want to top everything that Nicole does.

George Clooney's latest cause? Taking on the gossip site Gawker.com for its new use of Google maps to post celebrity sightings. George thinks this is a dangerous business, and he's urging celebs and their flaks to flood the site with fake sightings – not a boycott, mind you. Think Gawker will mind? Traffic is traffic.

Meanwhile, Clooney's other contribution to world stability – the auction of his Oscar gift bag for charity – finished up. The winner, an unnamed family from Birmingham, paid $45,100 for the swag, which included coffee, a year of Vonage phone service, Tahitian pearls and lots of other goodies. The total gift bag worth was well over $100,000, so why the low bids? There's a little clause that goes with most of the big-ticket items in these gift bags that the celebs have to use them in person, but this one had an exception. You'd think somebody would have put up more cash

The big question is whether or not Clooney, in all his charitable fervor, will claim this as a tax write-off. The government is thinking of cracking down on celebrity swag by making the stars claim it as income. Would these guys show up so readily as presenters at award shows if they had to cough up cash for those free phones and designer jeans? Would we miss them?

Hey guys,
I'm in need of some R&R, so I'm taking today off. But I don't want to leave you without your gossip fix (you need it -- it's Friday!), so you'll have your very own guest blogger today -- Beth. I know you'll love her... just make sure you miss me a little while I'm gone. ;)

Enjoy the weekend!
Suzy

The only Matt LeBlanc news I was expecting was that his show, Joey, was getting canceled. For now, Joey is safe... but Matt LeBlanc's marriage isn't.

Access Hollywood reports that Matt LeBlanc is going to file for divorce from his wife of three years, Melissa McKnight.

Here's the press release that Matt's mouthpiece released to AH:

"Melissa and Matt LeBlanc have decided to end their marriage of three years. The dissolution is amicable. They remain devoted parents and friends. For the sake of their family, they ask that their privacy be respected at this time."

The couple reportedly split on January 1 -- around the time Joey was taken off the air for a this-show-sucks-so-we-have-to-decide-what-to-do-with-it hiatus. They have a daughter, Marina, 2, and Melissa has two children from a previous marriage.

Although Matt and Missie have been together in 1997, last year rumors of problems surfaced when Matt made a bizarre confession about how he almost cheated on Melissa with a stripper. Since then, times have been rough for him professionally -- his show tanked and he's reportedly very frustrated about it.

I'm sure his old Friend Jen can give him some advice on getting through this difficult time.

Supermodel Naomi Campbell just loves belting her employees.

The diva was arrested again earlier today for reportedly assaulting one of her staffers. The incident took place at the mannequin's New York City home and the victim was her 42-year-old personal assistant.

Right now, Naomi is sitting at a New York City jailhouse pending charges, while the injured assistant was reportedly taken to the hospital.

"She had a laceration to her head, so she was clearly hit with some sort of object," said a police spokeswoman.

However, Naomi's mouthpiece released this statement:

"We believe this is a case of retaliation, because Naomi had fired her housekeeper earlier this morning. We are confident the courts will see it the same way."

In the past, Naomi has been accused of assaulting another personal assistant (with a phone), a model and her maid.

Can you say anger management?

Related: Take the Celebrity Jailbirds Quiz

For some reason, Christy Turlington has been keeping quiet about the arrival of her second child, who made his debut back in February. It hasn't been in the news at all. Perhaps she's trying to get back into pre-baby shape before she's back in the headlines? Who knows...

Anyway, iVillage interviewed the supermodel-turned-designer -- who also has a daughter Grace with her filmmaker husband Edward Burns -- for an upcoming Mother's Day story and she opened up about the little fella, who they named Finn. Here's a snippet:

"Grace loves being a big sister. She had been waiting nine months to see who was inside my belly... and now she has him!"

Christy, who married Ed in 2003, is still designing a line of yoga clothes for Puma called Nuala.

Here's the latest Idol recap from my BFF Jewels. Enjoy...

Okay, did I hear that right? Next sing-off is country week? Gag. Don't they already have a show for country sangers. I don't want to see Ace do country. And why in the hell was he in the bottom three again? Ace, I got your back next week, baby. Yee-haw! Who's with me?

Country? That means Kellie and Bucky will be safe for another week, dang. Once more, they scared Bucky to DEATH when it came down to one more person in the bottom three. And it was... Katharine??? They keep doing that to the poor guy. It looked like Bucky was in as much disbelief as Katharine. Katharine??? I mean Katharine??? Wow! Total shocker. Are the voters feeling okay out there -- a little McFever going around?

I was seriously sad for Lisa. She's so sweet -- an excellent talent! And as Ryan said, the bravest contestant he's seen on A.I. It was inevitable though. Even she knew it. Amazingly, they didn't cut Lisa off and let her sing the entire song in the end. It's about time! She sounded good the whole way through too.

After noticing Kevin last week as the "star" of the Ford commercial, I watched last night and yep, they focused a lot on Lisa: putting the quarter in the meter, riding the ice cream cart, and giving the juice pop to that one guy on the street. We'll have to see if they do that to the loser again next week. Maybe we're on to something.

The crew got a sneak peek at Ice Age: The Meltdown. I got a kick out of Mandisa identifying with Ellie cause she's -- "representin' for the big girls." Wonder if there's a fetish with the animated elephant's feet too?

Shakira has amazing control of her body. Insane. And how funny was Wyclef -- singing in Simon's mug. That smarmy smile. Ya know, Simon got on my nerves more than Paula this week. And I like Simon. He's being a little wishy-washy.

Idol ring tones? Get out. You mean I could have "Butterflies" as my ring tone? Give me a video of it and I'll switch carriers today!

Oh yeah, the photo shoot of the Idols... Anyone know where can I get my hands on Ace's?

Until next week...
J

To read her recap of Tuesday's show, click here.

Plus: Despite recent speculation that Paula is "on something," she's inked a deal with the show for three more years. Let the crazy talk continue...

Nicollette Sheridan has one bitter ex-lover on her hands.

Nicklas Soderblom, who Nicollette was engaged to until October, says that the Desperate Housewives star may play a sexy siren on TV, but in real life she's a total dud.

"I guess she's sexy on screen, but definitely not in a real-life relationship," Nicklas told the London Mirror. "She uses her sexuality to get what she wants and as soon as the ring is on her finger, she stops wanting to have sex. She's afraid of commitment."

He also sends a warning to Nicollette's new fiance, Michael Bolton, who she reunited with just weeks after things with Soderblom went south.

"I feel sorry for Michael," Nicklas said, "because I think he really loves her. But I know there's no way in hell a relationship is going to work with Nicollette Sheridan."

Sound like somebody's having a hard time getting over this breakup... and clearly it ain't Nicollette, who has a fatty new diamond on her finger.

Kevin Federline is on my last nerve.

Tuesday, Britney Spear's slacker/sperminator husband put out a press release announcing the name of his new hip-slop album: Playing with Fire.

"The inspiration and meaning behind the title, Playing With Fire, is self-explanatory. I'm excited about this album and am looking forward to continuing my promotional club tour in support of it and seeing the firsthand reaction of my fans listening to my songs for the first time. My album is sure to set the dance floors across the world on fire!"

Seriously, this madness must stop. Why is this kid famous? For bedding Britney Spears? This entitles him to magazine covers, a music career and... press releases? Puh-leez.

Further, I demand to know who K-Fed's so-called "fans" are. Seriously. I want names and phone numbers of these individuals because I don't believe that they could possibly exist. And if they do, I'd like to refer them to my physician -- stat.

Someone please stop this ridiculous. I mean, this greaseball was funny to laugh at in the beginning, but now I need him to go away.

No more cornrows. No more unlaced high-tops. No more wife beaters. No more pimped out Yankees caps. No more K-Fed!

Thank you.

PS -- Justin Timberlake agrees with me. According to the Star, he thinks Kevin is "gross."

At lunch yesterday, I was complaining to my friend Natalie about how one of my sisters always sees celebs out and about in the city. Unless I'm at an event, I rarely do. "I just don't think we pay attention," I told her. "We're in our own little worlds." Fast-forward five minutes. We leave the restaurant, and I go back upstairs to my office. Nat starts walking uptown toward the theater district to her office... Here, I'll let her tell you the rest of the story:

"Natalie here. Okay, so I leave the restaurant, which is on Seventh Ave. between 37th and 38th, after finishing my marvelous lunch with Suzy. As I'm standing on 38th St. waiting to cross, I look at all the people around me and there stands -- very high at that -- Wheeling, West Virginia's own John Corbett.

"Having grown up in the same section of Wheeling as Corbett -- called Warwood -- I look at him and, in all my dorkiness, say: 'Warwood in the house.' He looks back and says, 'What?' I go, 'I'm from Warwood.' He can't believe it.

"We start talking and I tell him how we actually barhopped once together in Wheeling, and I took him to Cappones, our local tavern. He's kind and acts like he remembers... but I know he doesn't. But when I tell him my name, he immediately asks about my brother Jim, who he remembers.

"We just keep chatting and he ends up walking me all the way back to my office on 47th Street. On the way, we pass through those dudes selling comedy tickets in Times Square. One guy's line is: 'Do you like comedy?' Corbett responds with, 'No, no, no, no way.' Then the guy looked up, notices it's him and says, 'Hey, you're that one guy.' That was pretty funny.

"He talks about how he hasn't been in NYC for over a year -- and now he's in town promoting a new country album. This Friday, he's playing the Cutting Room, which happens to be owned by his old "nemesis," Chris Noth. (You remember: Aidan vs. Mr. Big on Sex and the City?) He's also going to be on The View and Emeril doing promotion.

"Next thing you know, we're standing outside my building. He gives me a big hug -- just like Carrie Bradshaw used to get. I wished him luck with the album, promised to buy a copy and headed back to work.

"See what happens when I finally pay attention to the people around me?"

And here's one more sighting...

"I saw Mike Myers," reports Lauren. "On Saturday night he was out with an eclectic mix of young downtown hipster types at meatpacking club R&R. He was really nice and chatting up anyone who came by to gawk at him -- my friends included!"

Am I the only one who thinks there's something wrong with the fact that Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest are dating?

Ugh!

In the new Us Weekly, there are photos of them making out. Yes, I said making out. Oh, and during the tonguing, she's wearing a trucker hat that says American Idol on it.

Us reports that the couple "engaged in some very public displays of affection" during dinner at Neptune's Net restaurant in Malibu on March 25. Then they strolled down the beach, stopping to smooch on a rock.

I need to know how a woman can go from Clooney to Seacrest? From a man's man... to a girly man. From a Hollywood heartthrob to... a reality TV host.

It's not really Ryan's fault. I like him. He's fine. I think the problem is Teri. I feel like no matter who she's with, I won't like them together. She just gets under my skin.

Can you think of a better match for the Hatch? Post your suggestions below.

The latest Idol recap from Jewels... Enjoy!

Working in government, all around me here yesterday was the buzz of counting down to an on-time budget. Not me, I was counting down to Ace Young time. Priorities. Budgets are overrated anyway.

Was that Debbie Gibson in the audience... and Christy Swanson? Doesn't Swanson have a marriage to wreck or something? Has Debbie Deborah Debbie had a song out in the 21st century? I guess their whole connection to Fox with Skating with Celebrities scored them some tickets.

The contestants had some great songs to choose from in the past 6 years, but for the most part -- didn't.

Uh-oh... The straight-haired Lisa Tucker was having some trouble spots last night. Did anyone notice that she sounded off-key every time she said the word "you" or the word or words following the word "you"? Why in the world would she pick that song? Oh well, "Hakuna Matata." Broadway here she comes! I enjoyed Lisa, but it's her time to go tonight.

Speaking of questionable song choices, "Soaps Suds in a Bucket" -- need I say more? Except I want to -- was it my TV or did Kellie's cheeks look chubbers? I sneaked off to watch it at work, a different screen then I was used to... actually three huge plasmas.

That came in handy for the next contestant: Ace. Surrounded by visions of Ace, I felt like I was right there with him. His eyes... I liked the style this week. I liked the shirt, that it was unbuttoned a little, and the scar -- oh my goodness! I'm with "Pauuuuuuuuula" on that one! What else, what else.. The lip lick and, yes, they established the shot in the end. It's about time! I'm glad Ace is staying sensitive. He could have juiced up that song, but that's not who he is. Simon says we're not going to remember that as a great vocal... Speak for yourself Simon. I shant forget.

Soul Patrol: Fans who were with Taylor right from the very beginning when he was a gray-haired guy in Las Vegas. Ahhh, now we finally know what that means. Last night, I was really feeling the almost pensive Taylor, although I really like the crazy guy too. He's entertaining. And his voice gave me chills with "Trouble." But what is going on? I agreed with Paula again on this one. Eeeekkkkk!

Mandiva got the crowd up like a Baptist church -- Hallelujah! Ick though, there was another foot thing: when she sang the words, Unshackle my feet. I had flashbacks of the "moist ankles" episode.

Ah-ha! I believe we'll see what's up Chris's sleeve next week. Perhaps a little Celine Dion? Ha ha! Last week, Simon was applauding him because he "refused to compromise." Now he tells him to do something different. I hate when the judges do that. Holy moly, Paula is making sense to me again here.

Katharine is exquisite. She could give Chris a run for his money. Simon thinks she almost sounds as good as Christina Aguilera. I agree.

Bucky. Ha ha ha! Good ol' Bucky "sang" the song cause he "flat out felt like it." Well the country folk sure is like it. At least he was true to his fan base and got the votes to stay in it another week. I have to hand it to him, very smooth moves. Hey, was that his twin Rocky standing in as his double?

The chick with all the moves -- Princess P. That performance was electric. I'd like to see more of this from her.

Play that funky music, Elliot. He tried what Bo Bice did last year, but with "funky white boy" flava. A style that was very original. Damn, there I go agreeing with Paula again.

Did you notice towards the end Paula got real playful and almost tricky. She'd start her critique with something that would first sound like a dig -- then twist it around to a positive. New meds?

Until tomorrow...
J

To read her recap of last Wednesday's show, click here.

Last night Julia Roberts started previews for her Broadway role in Three Nights of Rain. Before the show, she signed some autographs.

Nicole Kidman aren't hitched yet. On Friday, the duo stepped out in Nashville.

Here's the first official photo of Violet Affleck, which was taken Sunday at park in L.A. Access Hollywood reported that Jennifer approved the photo herself.

Despite rumors that their divorce is getting bitter, Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora were photographed together on Sunday taking a walk before their daughter Ava's softball game. They left separately.

Despite rumors that they returned to the States, Brangelina are still in Paris, where Brad was photographed yesterday. Check out the 'stache.

Jessica Simpson doesn't know how to cook, clean, wash her clothes or even dress herself, yet she's thinking about adopting a child.

"Nothing has been finalized yet," her flack, Rob Shuter, told the AP on Tuesday in an obvious attempt to improve his client's public image. But he added, "It is true that she's exploring options."

I so blame Angelina Jolie for this fiasco. Because Angie adopted two adorable kiddies, all the bimbonic blondes in Hollywood are going to think that this is the hottest new trend -- like the RAZR phone or a new Marc Jacobs handbag. I can just see Paris Hilton trying it next... then leaving her handlers to take care of it like she did with Tinkerbell and that monkey she brought everywhere.

Forget Jessica! I think CaCee Cobb, who is Jess's BFF and personal bitch assistant, should adopt the kid. Looks like she's going to be the one taking care of it anyway.

Watch it: Jessica Simpson thinking of kids

Buh-bye, Kristin Cavallari. Hello, Vanessa Minnillo.

According to People.com, Nick Lachey is hooking up with a gorgeous new lady: MTV and Entertainment Tonight employee Vanessa Minnillo.

On Monday, the duo were playing tonsil hockey in a curtained-off section at the W Union Square's Underbar.

"I saw tongues on skin," said an eyewitness of what People.com is calling an "R-rated bump-and-grind."

The following night they had dinner with friends, then went to another bar.

So who is Vanessa Minnillo? By day, the 25-year-old is an on-air personality for MTV 's Total Request Live and ET. The former Miss Teen USA (Nick loves pageant girls!) also dated NY Yankees superstar Derek Jeter.

Vanessa will appear in the upcoming video for Nick's new single "What's Left of Me," which is said to be about his split with Jessica. According to Us Weekly, Vanessa stands in for Jessica while Nick sings in a house similar to the home he shared with Jess during Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica. Nick watches as all the objects around him disappear -- including Vanessa.

"The song is all about changes," Vanessa told Us. "Nick is so strong. He's really putting himself out there as a musician."

Apparently strong enough to be her new man...

Reason No. 5,696 that I love David Letterman? His tribute to Paul Dana last night. Raw with emotion and looking close to tears, Dave fidgeted as he spoke about the late racer, who was on the Rahal Letterman racing team and died on Sunday. He ended with: "The other lesson that we learned here is that getting through one day does not guarantee the next. And that's something you should never let go of." Love. That. Man.

Cute couple Matt Hoover and Suzy Preston, who fell in love while filming Biggest Loser, got engaged on the Today Show this morning. Wonder if they'll have wedding cake -- or rice cakes -- at their reception.

After insulting a room full of special ed kids over the weekend, filmmaker Morgan Spurlock, famous for his documentary about about McDonalds called Super Size Me, has eaten his words.

According to Access Hollywood, while Tom Cruise was watching his son Conner play baseball on Saturday, Katie Holmes was at the Scientology Center at her baby shower.

Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck are among the stars auctioning off motorcycles for charity. The fundraiser, organized by Morgan Freeman, will benefit a planned memorial in Washington D.C. for Martin Luther King Jr.

Poor Lindsay Lohan! The teenager will have one less place to drink when she's in L.A. now that Amanda Demme's clubs Teddy's and the Tropicana are closing.

Spritz, spritz, spritz.

Sorry, that's just me spraying my Karma Guard. Apparently the spray is one of the newest trends in Hollywood. It's purified water with wild ginseng root and it's supposed to deflect bad vibes that are caused when you talk smack about other people. Which, ironically, I happened to do all day.

Celebrity fans include Oprah, Martha Stewart and Elton John, who are said to each carry a bottle with them at all times. I'm sure Elton goes through a case a week with all his tirades.

Now that Daily Blabber is a video too, I think I'll need to place a double order!

Hope it works.

Hi guys,

I wanted to be the first to introduce the Daily Blabber Video Blog.

Beginning today, the Daily Blabber will also run once a week in video format. You'll be able to find it on iVillage's main entertainment video page or I'll post a link right here for you weekly.

So why should you watch it? Well, for one thing, the video is going to be different from what you read here each day. I'm looking at it as an added bonus -- a few more juicy gossip morsels to have in your arsenal when you're talking Hollywood at lunch with coworkers -- or at brunch with pals.

I'm also going to incorporate you guys into it. As I always do, I'm going to be reading all of your comments to see what you guys are talking about -- who you're digging... and dissing. And I'm going to use your comments when I can -- the good, the bad and the ugly -- because you guys are so smart, sarcastic and snarky. I already started doing that this week, so you'll have to see if you got a mention.

Also of note, clearly I'm not trying to be Nancy O'Dell. (Though I'd kill to have those gams for just a day...) I'm just trying to do my thing and, hopefully, give you a laugh or two.

If you have any suggestions, questions, comments or the like, feel free to post below or shoot me an email.

I hope you like it.

Suzy

To the delight of women everywhere, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle and Andy Garcia have signed on for Ocean's Thirteen.

Yesterday, Warner Brothers announced that the boyz would be back together for a third film in Oceans Eleven series, which has earned more than $800 million worldwide. In the flicks, George's Danny Ocean heads up a pack of thieves who are specialists in crime. In the first movie, they pulled off a heist at a Las Vegas hotel; in the second, they planned three hits in Europe.

So who won't be back? The ladies. Julia Roberts, who was in the first two, declined to appear because of a scheduling conflict. Catherine-Zeta Jones, who appeared in Oceans Twelve, won't be back either. Perhaps too many divas?

The new gal on the block will be Ellen Barkin, who needs work because she just got dumped by Revlon zillionaire Ronald Perelman.

The movie, which will take place and L.A. and Vegas, begins shooting in July.

Hold off on ordering that bridesmaid dress.

Jennifer Aniston tells Access Hollywood that she and her ex-hubby Brad Pitt are not in a race to see who makes it to the altar first.

"They're so hilarious," Jen said of reports she's going to marry beau Vince Vaughn. "I mean they do start to get comical after a while. I'm apparently having an $8 million wedding. There's the guest list, there's the china, there’s the food. Everything's been broken down. It's a race! Who will win?"

And, again, she reiterates that she doesn't like to be looked at as the victim in her split with Brad.

"You don't want it to ever come off like you don't appreciate people's concerns, but there's just no need, it's a long time passed," Jen explained. "I never was a victim in any of it, so I don't like the word, and I don't like sort of being portrayed that way, the way things get twisted."

Unfortunately, she didn't weigh in on the whole dispute with her former roommate. I mean, I've really been wondering if she used to give herself bikini waxes on the couch or if the whole lipo thing was true. I guess I'll have to wait until the next time she spills her guts.

Right now is a crucial time in Jen's career. After a string of movie flops, her next flick, Friends with Money, opens on April 7. Let's hope that she shows the big-screen magic that she's been lacking in her last pictures, which were all pretty disappointing.

Are you going to see her new film? Are you tired of reading about her? Maybe you're over her but just can't help yourself? Share your opinion below.

Marky Mark is a daddy dad.

According to WENN, reps for Mark Wahlberg have confirmed that his longtime girlfriend, Rhea Durham, gave birth to their son last week. The little fella, who the couple planned to name Michael after Mark's father, joins his big sister, Ella Rae. Other details are scarce, but reports indicate that the model gave birth at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

To keep up with the Hollywood baby boom, check out our Celebrity Baby Tracker. To find out more about Rhea's pregnancy, check out her page in our Celebrity Baby Tracker: Graduates.

Everyone else is talking about Star Jones's boobs, so it's only fitting that she weigh in as well.

On The View today, Star called in from her vacation to set the record straight about her boob job gone wrong.

"I had a boob lift," Star told her costars. "I thought it would be nice to call you guys this morning and keep you abreast of the situation."

Star went on to explain that she didn't "almost die" as was reported. She required a blood transfusion due to complications.

"You guys know I'm anemic," she said. "We've talk about it on the show. I did need blood [and] I was prepared... Literally, I was fine right afterwards. I was completely awake while getting my [transfusion]."

As for her new ta-tas, Star says that they're just "normal boobs. It's not that I went and got triple Ds... Friday was my 44th birthday, but my boobs think they are still 20."

Well, that's the chest news I've heard all day.

According to Page Six, Paris Hilton is officially single again. She split with her richy rich boyfriend Stavros Niarchos a month before his 21st birthday -- when he stands to inherit $275 million.

See, she really isn't smart.

Anyway, you know Paris can't be without a man for a nanosecond, so let's play matchmaker for her. Who should her next victim boyfriend be? Should he be famous this time? Rich or poor? Young or old? Smart or... Paris?

Share your thoughts -- naughty and nice -- below.

You can't say Britney Spears and Kevin Federline don't love the little people.

While celebrating Kevin's birthday at Tao in Vegas last week, Britney had two midgets carry out her husband's birthday cake.

The following night, the Federlines returned to the hot spot for a special performance Britney arranged for the birthday boy. So what was the big act? First, a Cher impersonator appeared to belted out "If I Could Turn Back Time." Then, a midget Sonny Bono impersonator joined "Cher" onstage to sing "I Got You Babe."

The things that amuse people....

Moving: Jessica Simpson is making another big change in her life. She's switching record companies. After six years with Columbia, she's divorcing them to make the jump to Epic.

Baby News: Chris O'Donnell, who used to be the toast of young Hollywood, is now the father of four. He and his wife, Caroline, welcomed a son in Hollywood on Thursday. The happy couple won't release the name of their new baby... perhaps because he still has some stalker fans from when he was popular. Or not.

Hitched: Olympic skier Jonny Moseley -- who hosts those addictive Real World/Road Rules challenges on MTV -- married his longtime girlfriend Malia Rich on Saturday in Colorado. They met in high school.

Sighting: From my gossy posse... "Spotted... Indie film queen Lili Taylor, noshing with friends at Soho House in NYC. Her new play Landscape of the Body begins at the Signature Theatre Company on March 28th." Thanks, L.

Engaged: Duane "Dog" Chapman will marry his longtime girlfriend/mother of his two kids, Beth Smith, this season on his reality series Dog the Bounty Hunter. The show premieres tomorrow night at 9pm on A&E.

Box Office Biggie: Inside Man, starring Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster, got people out over the weekend. The film was number one at the box office, making $29 million.

Legal News: David Hasselhoff's divorce is getting nastier. A judge issued a restraining order requiring the Baywatch star to stay at least 100 yards away from his estranged wife, Pamela Bach. He probably showed up at her house in his Speedo hoping to woo her back. Ugh -- what a thought.

(Not So) Special Guest:Morgan Spurlock, who was nominated for an Oscar for eating McDonalds for a month, should be eating his words... but he's not. While giving a speech at a Philly high school's health fair, he poked fun of special ed kids and dropped the F bomb. He later refused to apologize, saying "The greatest lesson those kids learned today was the importance of free speech." Perhaps those Big Macs have gone to his head?

Au revoir, Paris! Brad, Angelina, Maddox and Zahara are said to be back on U.S. soil. Love the do-rag on Z. Baby Jolie-Pitt is due May 2.

Here's Gwyneth Paltrow hiding her bump in NYC. Her baby-to-be is reportedly a boy and she's planning to call him... Mortimer. Hmmm... I don't even know what to say about that. The poor kid will make his debut in May.

Tom Cruise reenacted his famous Oprah couch jump, then manhandled Katie's stomach -- which is quite large these days -- at a Yahoo event. "Kate" is due any day now.

It's a girl for Drew and Lea Lachey!

People.com reports that the Dancing with the Stars winner (pictured with his dancing partner Cheryl Burke) welcomed his first child yesterday in L.A. According to Us Weekly, the baby's name is Isabella.

"Mom, Dad and baby are all happy and healthy," said the couple's rep.

It's a sure bet that -- despite a busy schedule -- Uncle Nick has seen little girl Lachey. A source told Us Weekly: "Nick will drop everything to be with

Brad Pitt's publicist is denying that Angelina Jolie -- or anyone else -- kicked her client's ass.

According to WENN, Brad's publicist is lashing out at reports that Brad stepped out in Paris with a bruised face and swollen lip.

On Monday, Mr. Jolie-Pitt had a four-hour dinner with a friend at a restaurant called L'Avenue restaurant. While there, patrons started buzzing that Brad looked like he'd been knocked around a la Fight Club.

Not so, says Brad's publicist. "There is nothing wrong," she told the mag. "He does not have any bruises or cuts."

More important than these mysterious bruises, why was Brad eating a four hour meal? In Us Weekly's new issue they report that Brad's been packing on some sympathy pregnancy pounds. Could these long dinners with fancy international cuisine be to blame?

He needs to get back to the land of perfect bodies (L.A., natch!) and get to work on his bod. After all, that's about 90 percent of his appeal.

Though I think she's secretly in love with Mr. Nasty (a.k.a. Simon Cowell), American Idol's wacky judge Paula Abdul has a new boyfriend.

At a boutique opening in West Hollywood on Tuesday, Paula made the scene with a hunky actor named Tony Schiena. The following night, he sat in on the taping of Idol, waving and winking to Paula from his seat like he was at a high school assembly.

So who's the beefcake? He has guested CSI:NY and appeared in The Merchant of Venice. Before he started acting, he was a big shot in the karate world.

Who knew there was a whole big "karate world"? Certainly not me, but clearly I'm strictly celeb obsessed.

In February, Paula appeared on Dr. Phil to talk about her relationship woes. The good doc set her up on 10 blind dates, but that was before she hooked with Tony.

For now, Paula is saying that they're "just friends." You know what that means...

Here's the latest in the Heather Locklear/Richie Sambora divorce...

According to People.com, Richie is asking the court to enforce the prenup they signed before their 1994 wedding and that he not have to pay spousal support. Additionally, he seeks joint custody of his 8-year-old daughter, Ava.

Interestingly, in the papers he filed he listed their separation date as December 26, which is a little over a month before Heather filed for divorce and her spokesperson announced their split. At the time, Richie claimed to have no idea about his marriage was over.

So it seems like the only thing these two are really going to duke it out over is custody of Ava. In Heather's filing, she asked for physical custody with Richie getting visitation rights.

Today's NY Daily News offers an additional nugget about the racy photos that supposedly sparked the divorce. They report that Richie's former assistant, Stephanie Heaton, sent them. In the pics, she was wearing only fishnets and boots. However, Richie wasn't the only one to get them in his inbox... Jon Bon Jovi received them too.

"I don't know why she [sent them]," a source the Daily News. "But there was nothing going on between Richie and Stephanie."

I might as well face that I'm addicted... to making fun of Tom Cruise.

These last few days there's nobody I want to poke fun at more than Tommy -- with his fake girlfriend, their fake baby and their fake life together.

Do you think there's a 12-step program for getting over making fun of Tom? Ah, forget it -- I'm sure I can just cure my addiction with vitamins and exercise.

Anyway, I was just sent the trailer for his upcoming film Mission: Impossible III. It amused me watching him act all macho. (This is the clown who's been slobberin' all over Joey Potter for the last year?) Philip Seymour Hoffman plays the villain and, hopefully, kicks Tommy around a little here and there.

I can only hope.

Related: Did Isaac Hayes Really Quit?

O Caption! My Caption! TomKat Edition

Tom Cruise Being Blamed for a Death

A recap of last night's show from Jewels...

The gig is up for... Kevin. Doh! He almost made it.

I am looking on the bright side of it: I don't know if I could have sat through Bucky's rendition of "Oh Boy" again.

Okay, now that he's out of here, I gotta take a jab... What in the world did he say? Something like: America, pick one of these 10 people... Thanks, bud. What in the hell else are we gonna do? Ha ha! We'll see him again. Disney? Those should have been his last words last night: I'm going to Disney.

Why do they keep running out of time and cutting off the swan song? Stop that! Get rid of some commercials, time your show better, or make it an hour.

Looking back, obvious hints that Kevin was doomed for the beginning of last nights show: Starting out, he was the focus of the Ford commercial. Hmmm... Then, if I can remember correctly, a close up of his extremely pale face basically started the show. Paula, tearing up when the results were nearing... the "blueprint of your life" speech.

My fantasy is that it gets down to Ace and Chris -- and Chris takes it. I don't want to give up on Ace until the last possible second I need to. All right, all right -- back to reality... Kevin will not be coming to my city on the 2006 Idol Tour. But I am accepting that because Ace is on the way to ease the pain.

The highlight of the show for me was Bobby swaying in the audience to his Idol, Barry Manilow. I wonder if he hit him up for pointers backstage. I mean, it was the "Copacabana" that did ole Bobby in. He sung it for his Gram. Aww... how sweet. Well sweet doesn't cut it in this competition we have seen.

Thanks for taking off the caked-on blush, Pickler. Now let's work on some other things... "What's 'a ballsy'?" I have a word for you to learn, Kellie: disingenuous.

Until next week...
J

To read her recap of Tuesday night's show, click here.

This whole South Park/Scientology thing is getting stranger by the second.

Today, Page Six reports that Isaac Hayes, who played Chef in the series, may not have quit willingly. Isaac secretly suffered a stroke in January and, because of that, he's been out of the limelight recuperating. During this time, a press release announcing he was quitting the show was put out by a Scientologist named Christina "Kumi" Kimball.

Further, Isaac reportedly has a baby on the way. Meaning? He can certainly use the paycheck.

I blame Tom Cruise for this whole thing. I also blame Tom because I lost one of my favorite earrings this week, I forgot to mail my cable bill on time and I really think he's behind my friend Chrissy taking a nasty spill during a recent ski trip that's had her limping for the last three weeks.

That nutcase has his hands all over everything.

Anyway, last night was the season premiere of South Park and Chef was killed off the show. The character was later remembered as a jolly fellow who died after the "Super Adventure Club" scrambled his brains.

Kevin Federline turned 28 on Tuesday. How did he celebrate this milestone? In Vegas, baby.

According to People, Britney Spears threw Kev a party on Tuesday night at Tao Las Vegas at the Venetian. About 10 guests were in attendance.

Kevin dressed up for the occasion, wearing one of his trademark wife-beaters and a Yankees hat. Brit was wearing what is being described as a "lethally low-cut" dress. And to shoot down those pregnancy rumors, she was seen throwing back a Cosmo.

After dinner, they went to Pure Nightclub as Caesars Palace, where Britney and Kevin "snuggled with the birthday boy on the club's VIP bed." And to prove that she learned absolutely nothing from her recent needle incident, Britney danced barefoot.

"They didn't leave each other's side all night," a source told People. "They danced together –- Britney was doing all her famous dance moves. Toward the end of the night, they were all over each other –- kissing and hugging, having a great time."

I'm sure by the next morning they were throwing down again. Those two are a case study.

Yesterday there were reports circulating that Aerosmith Steven Tyler was having surgery on his face. Today there are more details, so I'll fill ya in.

Liv's daddy will undergo surgery on his throat later this week amidst rumors that he could possibly be battling cancer. However, his people maintain that he's suffering from strained vocal cords. Steven, who turns 58 this weekend, won't be able to sing for three months after the operation.

This surgery has forced Aerosmith to cancel the remaining 12 dates on their North American tour. And, as of now, they have no plans to reschedule the canceled dates.

Good luck with the surgery, Stevey! And don't let the doctors anywhere near those beautiful lips.

Little Kevin Arnold is going to be a dad!

The Wonder Years star Fred Savage and his wife, Jennifer Stone Savage, are expecting their first child in August, his agent confirmed to the Associated Press.

Fred and Jessica were childhood friends (a la Winnie and Kevin), who grew up together in Chicago. When Fred nabbed his role in the 60s dramedy, he moved to Hollywood. Fast forward eleven years. Jessica attends Fred's birthday party and they totally hit it off. They've been together ever since, marrying in August 2004.

Interestingly, Jack Black -- who recently eloped -- has a similar story. At a party last April, he reconnected with a girl he went to high school with. By Christmas, they were engaged.

Note to self: Go to more parties where former schoolmates may be in attendance.

After The Wonder Years, Fred got into directing for a while -- most notably shows on Nickelodeon. He's currently starring in ABC's Crumbs.

As for baby names, may I suggest Winnie or Norma for a girl and Paul or Wayne for a boy.

Feel free to share yours below.

I had many LOL moments reading your captions for the Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn picture, that I thought we'd try it again.

I'm sure you all can think if something to say about our good friends Tom and Katie. Ready? Go...

Here's the latest from my American Idol lovin' pal, Jewels...

Dog Pound: Give it up for Barry Manilow. Whoop, whoop, whoop! The contestants didn't seem as awestruck as they were with Stevie last week, but Barry really took the initiative in coaching. They sounded great last night... for the most part. He really helped them work some things out and it reflected in their performances. Elliott's voice is smooth. He did great, as usual. The turnoff for him was not his looks this time. The goatee and hair brushed over instead of straight down -- nice move. He actually looked attractive. But not so attractive was how he told us he was not a Barry fan. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but he could have picked his words better.

Barry says to Chris, "You don't need me, baby. You've got it." I think America feels the same way. Once again he walked his own line. Fantastic! The next American Idol.

The 17-year-old Paris, turned into a sexy 50s chick with one of the hottest songs in the land, "Fever." It was perfect! The song, her flavor, the outfit. She brought me back in time.

Pickler in her yeller tank... What she was wearing didn't match what kind of song she was singing -- at all. She sounded better than she looked this week. Not so much blush next time, 'kay Kellie.

While trying to get through to vote for Ace (which was a very busy line last night, lesson learned I take it), I made some calls to Kevin and got through quite a few times, which was a little worrisome to me. But I think Kevin is safe. It will be close, but I really do. However, Kevie, the Garanimals shirts HAVE TO GO for the tour! I would think he'd be a stylists dream.

Speaking of which... Wake up, stylists, and get your mitts off my man Ace! What did you do to his hair? Ace, bring back the T-shirts, the beanie, the hot jeans. Ace really jazzed up "In the Still of the Night." If that falsetto didn't get you at the end -- that gaze did, whew! I was in a trance. But the director didn't hold the shot long enough. Ugh! Who wants to see an elbow fiercely clapping, when you have TV gold like that on the screen. Even little 7-year-old girls want this guy. He's smokin'.

"Come Rain or Come Shine" Katharine is on fire. Barry's advice: to have a person in mind to sing to. Who could that person be -- Ace? Stunning, absolutely breathtaking she is.

For the very first time in this competition, Lisa didn't blow me away last night. However, she is a "powerhouse," as Manilow pointed out. She's safe for this week, but she needs to bring back more than just her curls next time around.

It's probably my least favorite performance from Taylor too. But, I must say he looked the best he ever has! Maybe it was the song, but I was just not too interested this week, which is surprising.

Mandisa's range is incredible. She looked absolutely beautiful. No weird comments out of her yap this time, but did we have to pan down to her toes again. Yuck!

"Oh Boy," Bucky is playing into my plan perfectly. His performance last night was mediocre. No more "smashed pertaters" for this dude. I think he will be back to eating "mashed pertaters" in NC next week.

Paula was really juiced up last night! Was she hitting the sauce again?

More tomorrow...
J

To read her recap from last Thursday, click here.

Star Jones should thank her lucky stars that she's still alive.

After having a secret boob job, the View cohost was left with internal bleeding and was close to a heart attack.

According to the National Enquirer, Star flew to L.A. to undergo a ta-ta lift during a break from her talk show. But a few hours after surgery, her vital signs plunged and she started "trembling and shaking uncontrollably." An ambulance rushed Star to Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica, California, on March 17, where she began blood transfusions to save her life.

Three days later, Star was given the green light to leave the hospital and go to Serenity, a popular after-care facility for rich cosmetic surgery patients.

And where was her hubby, Al Reynolds, during all of this? He couldn't rush to her side because he was in the hospital too, having cut his head when he fell at the gym.

He was probably doing aerobics.

A spokesman for Star confirmed her surgery, telling the Enquirer: "She had an elective breast lift procedure. Star is recovering wonderfully."

Access Hollywood reports that Brooke Shields has named her baby-to-be Grier. The name came to her while she was sleeping.

Aerosmith has canceled their tour because pouty mouthed Steven Tyler is having surgery on his face. Who knew Aerosmith was on tour?

Joan Rivers is looking for love on Match.com. Can you imagine her profile? 72-year-old bitchy comedian, who enjoys hanging with her 'perfect' daughter and getting plastic surgery in her free time, seeks a mute because no man can get a word in edgewise.

After two years in Miami, the MTV Awards are moving back home to New York. They will take place August 31 at Radio City Music Hall.

Oscar emcee Jon Stewart must be digging the hosting gigs. He's signed on to host the Peabody Awards.

Book your tickets now! Bobby Brown will reunite with New Edition at the Essence Music Festival in July for one night only. Well -- like he says -- it's his prerogative.

Is Eva Longoria that desperate for attention?

The publicity whore seems to be out every night, talking about... herself. In the past week alone, here are some of the headlines:

Eva Would Have Child Out Of Wedlock

Eva Not Setting Wedding Date Yet

Eva Longoria on Tony: 'Lust at First Sight'

Eva Longoria praises Tony Parker's bedroom skills

I don't care if she's going to have a baby before she gets married. I don't care if she's the teacher or the student in her relationship. I don't care if she's turning 31 and having the biggest birthday bash ever.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

It's exactly this type of overexposure that is going to make Desperate Housewives -- last year's most buzzworthy show -- crash and burn. There's no mystery to these women anymore. We know every little detail that there is to know -- plus some. I see them so much during the week that I can't even stomach watching them on Sunday nights.

Are you sick of the Housewives? Do you care about Eva and Tony's relationship? Who are five stars you'd like to see disappear? Weigh in below.

Debi Mazar's entourage has gotten larger.

People.com reports that the HBO star gave birth to a daughter on St. Patrick's Day.

Did they go with an Irish name? Gaud no. Debi and her Italian jazz musician husband, Gabriele Corcos, named their new addition Giulia Isabel Mazar-Corcos.

The couple, who married in 2002, already have a daughter named Gabriele Evelyn Maria.

To keep up with the Hollywood Baby Boom, check out the Celebrity Baby Tracker.

Since Sienna Miller split with Jude Law, she's been partying her tiny little heinie off. One minute she's in London, the next she's in Hollywood. In one photo she's kissing Hayden Christensen, and in her next breath she's denying there's anything going on between them.

Sounds like she's destined to come down with that dreaded celebrity diagnosis: exhaustion.

To prevent See-See from joining the likes of Mariah Carey and Lindsay Lohan, her little sister, Savannah, has ordered her to come out to her country home for a time out.

"She feels her sister has been caught up in a whirlwind of media attention ever since she and Jude Law broke up," a source told the Sun. "Because Sienna has been racing around the world concentrating on her career, they haven't had any bonding time... so Savannah told Sienna in no uncertain terms that she was expected down in Cornwall."

Wonder if Hayden will be joining them.

Well, praise be to the barber! Kevin Federline cut his hair and got a shave.

Touched By An Angel star Della Reese is putting out a line of plus-size clothing. That makes way more sense than, say, Jessica Simpson's plus-size line. That was ridiculous.

Barbra Streisand is doing yet another farewell tour. Talk about having a hard time saying goodbye.

Here's who got canned on last night's Apprentice.

Tori Spelling and her fiance, Dean McDermott will never last. Why? Because he got the biggest, most hideous tattoo of Tori on his arm. I hope he asks for enough in his prenup to cover the cost of lasering that sucker off.

Dukes of Hazzard star Tom Wopat was arrested for drunk driving in New Jersey last week. And, no, he was not driving the General Lee.

And the hits just keep on coming for Tom Cruise.

The Church of Scientology -- and Tom, specifically -- get blasted in a new ad in LA Weekly. It reads: "Thanks, Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology, for your expert advice on mental health." It goes on to say that a woman was killed "by the schizophrenic son she was told to treat with vitamins instead of psychiatric care."

If I were Tom, I'd be clearing my schedule for an extended paternity leave. But it will never happen because he has M:I III coming up and, I'm sure, has lots of couch jumping and other antics planned for that.

Meanwhile, to cash in on the South Park-Scientology drama, the creators of the show -- Matt Stone and Trey Parker -- are going to bring back Chef in season 10, which begins tomorrow. However, Tom's disciple Scientologist Isaac Hayes obviously won't be providing the voice, having quit last week over an episode poking fun of his religion.

Like movie sets, Hollywood relationships are filled with drama. They're on! They're off! They reunited! And the world is watching the entire time. Here are two couples who have reportedly hit the skids...

Liev Schreiber & Naomi Watts: This is the second or third report of trouble for the duo. And because they are pretty low profile, I think there has to be something to it. Today's New York Daily News reports that although the couple is still publicly together, they've hit a rough patch.

"He's been telling people he's having 'girlfriend trouble,'" a source tells the paper. "She's been telling people to keep an eye out for new boyfriends."

Rumor has it that Naomi thinks Liev is too controlling. He wants her to stop working and have a baby. He also wants to review all of her scripts and dress a certain way.

The rumors were denied from both sides -- but, as you know, that means nothing in Tinseltown.

Jerry & Jessica Seinfeld: I've actually never heard about trouble for Jerry and Jessica. Ever since they first hooked up -- when she was a newlywed and met Jerry at the gym -- it seems like they've been blissful. But according to In Touch, the dreaded Seinfeld curse may be causing trouble in their marriage.

Apparently Jessica told a friend that she's tired of Jerry touring. She feels like she's given up her career and now all she does is take care of the kids while Jerry's on the road.

Umm -- Jerry is one of the richest entertainers in Hollywood. I'm sure Jess has a staff of 20 to help.

So is Mrs. Seinfeld headed out the door? Probably no time soon. Her paltry prenup money is making her think twice about leaving. "She signed a prenup that would leave her with very little," the friend says.

In other words, she'd have to give up the 25-room penthouse in Manhattan, the mansion in the Hamptons and the zillion cars that the funnyman owns.

Suddenly a few weeks away from the hubby ain't lookin' so bad.

From my East Coast spies...

"I was eating dinner at Moustache (10th btw 1st and A) on Saturday night and in walks Colin Farrell to pick up his take-out," reports Kim. "Best part is he was wearing plaid flannel pajama pants, loafers and a leather jacket! He looked insane."

"So, they’re filming a Catherine Zeta-Jones movie across the street from my house all weekend, and all the call sheets (and her trailer) say "Holly GoLightly" instead of CZ-J," says another observer. "Is it just me, or is that ridiculous? Made me laugh, either way."

Is Nicole Richie so desperate that she's talking dirty to children? I don't even think Paris would stoop low.

Speaking of Paris, she has reportedly split from her boyfriend Stavros Niarchos because she's tired of him speaking a different language than she does. The poor guy -- if only he spoke "Idiot," too.

At this point does anyone even care whether or not Katie Couric goes to CBS? While the NY Post insists it's going to happen, I think Katie will shrivel up and die if she can no longer show off her legs or bat her eyes at the Hollywood hunks anymore. "Hard news" be damned!

Sting is cashing in on his love of strip clubs. The frequent Scores patron -- is opening an East Coast version of Hollywood's burlesque bar Forty Deuce. Now I can't get his Police song "Roxanne" out of my head.

V for Vendetta was the w for winner at the box office over the weekend. It made $26.1 million. That makes Natalie Portman's bad buzzcut all worthwhile.

Here are weekend snapshots of Ms. Britney in L.A. She was photographed on two separate occasions going to a studio where Kevin Federline was reportedly working a music video. Both times, she's covering her belly.

In the first set of photos, she's carrying a jacket to cover her stomach. On another trip to the same studio, her cousin is carrying Sean Preston and Brit is carrying a bag.

She's heard the pregnancy rumors, so she's just fanning the flames at this point. But how crappy would it be if she's just pudgy -- not pregnant -- and her bulging belly is splashed on the covers of newspapers and mags everywhere. Not great for the self esteem, right?

What do you think about the photos? Do you think she's expecting? Weigh in.

Tori Spelling is in big trouble with her mommy and daddy.

According to Page Six, Aaron and Candy Spelling have stopped speaking to their daughter after she poked fun of her mother in her new VH1 show, So noTORIous.

"There is a scene in the first episode of her new show... in which she makes fun of the eBay room in her parents' house," Tori's friend reveals. "Her mother has a huge shopping problem and has a whole room dedicated to the stuff she buys on the site. When Candy saw the episode, she threatened Tori and said she was going to sue her."

Sue her? Damn. That's drastic. I wonder what punishment Tori got when she broke curfew as a teen. Did she have to pay a fine from her trust fund?

Apparently things have been bad for Tori and her 'rents since she got engaged to Dean McDermott while still married to Charlie Shanian. After Dean popped the question, Tori sent her "cold" mother an invite to meet her new man. Candy wrote back saying only that Tori had to get her crap out of the apartment she had been sharing with Charlie, which Candy owns.

Through her rep, Tori released this statement: "So noTORIous is a fictionalized account of my life after 90210 with fictional characters... We take poetic license with everyone and every storyline on the show. With regard to my apartment, Dean and I wanted to start a new life together, so leaving the apartment I had for over 10 years was the right thing to do for both of us."

All of this is good press for Tori's show, which debuts April 2.

It's a trump-et for Donald and Melania.

During a phone interview with Imus in the Morning today, the Donald announced that Melania had given birth to a baby boy 20 minutes earlier. He also said that Melania had been in labor for eight hours and they hadn't decided on a name yet.

This is the fifth child for Donald, who has three children with his first wife, Ivana, and one with his second wife, Marla Maples. This is Melania's first.

To read all about Melania's pregnancy, check out Celebrity Baby Tracker Graduates. And to keep up with the stars who are currently expecting -- Angelina, Gwen, Gwyneth, Brooke -- see the Celebrity Baby Tracker.

My favorite new couple on TV? Izzie and Denny on Grey's Anatomy.

I. Love. Them.

Denny totally reminds me of someone, but I can't think of who it is. Anyone have any ideas? It's driving me crazy.

Anyway, I was so glad that he pulled through last night and wasn't "number seven." And I hope they get together just to piss off Alex, who has serious issues. He's a nasty little bugger... though he's damn cute.

Am I the only one who can't stand George? He drives me crazy. He's so mopey and dopey -- though I did feel bad for him when Anger Management Alex went nutso on him for no reason. But he's carrying his Meredith obsession a little far. Get over it and move along. Hopefully this new doctor chick will help with that.

And talking about carrying obsessions too far, I'm really glad Meredith and Derek are friends. It keeps the hope alive that they'll get back together. But why must they keep making Addison so likable? I want to hate the bitch, but it's impossible. She needs to be a total hellcat, so it drives Derek into Meredith's arms.

Clearly I'm obsessed with this show.

Speaking of doctors... There's a new quiz all about TV doctors. So test your knowledge of McDreamy, Dr. House and more by giving it a try -- stat!

Photo:Scott Garfield/ABC

From members of my gossy posse in NYC:

"Spotted...Joaquin Phoenix at the Pogues show at the Nokia Theater on Saturday night," report Laura and Karen. "Vee-Eye-Pee section. Sporting the concert-casual look in layers -- denim jacket with a hoodie. Unmistakable deep eyes in full effect. Apparently there with a male friend. He blended into the crowd seamlessly as the show ended and, Oscar nominee or not, no one bothered him. He's not a tall dude -- about 5'7. No frogs spotted in his thick, dark hair."

"[My husband] was at the Equinox Gym on 92nd street last week and Alec Baldwin was riding the bike next to him," says Tamara. "It wasn't an especially vigorous workout, but he is 50-something. He was wearing a dark track suit and had a hat on the whole time. While he was there, a few people came up to chat him up. He was really cordial and appeared to enjoy the interaction."

Going once, going twice, James Blunt once sold his sister on eBay. Had I known that was possible, I would have hawked my two older sisters months ago. Hmmm... Hey Laura! Hey Joyce! Can't wait to see you gals at Easter. Actually, I'd like to offer to pick you up at the train station. I'll be the one driving the van... and wearing the ski mask.

T.M.I. alert! I so didn't need to know Macaulay Culkin's nickname for his penis. But now that I do, I must pass it on: It's Floyd. Totally not the same thing as knowing what Paul Walker calls his, right?

Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro are said to be on the rocks. First the Hasselhoffs, now this! The former Baywatch stars need to sign up for a course on resuscitating relationships.

In April there will be a pay-per-view seance to contact the late John Lennon. Imagine... having your life -- and death -- completely exploited.

Time to get creative. Here's a photo of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn from their upcoming movie The Break Up. I thought it would be fun to come up with captions below.

So, as Pat Benatar would say: Hit me with your best shot...

Jessica Simpson decided not to wear her boob-squeezing corset yesterday when she visited Capitol Hill on behalf of Operation Smile. I bet Papa Joe was so disappointed. PS: I'm so glad she brought her hairdresser with her on her official business.

Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance show off their babies in the new issue of People. So cute.

Did Josh Hartnett get assaulted by the lady at the Clinique counter?

Does Mandy Moore -- with boyfriend Zach Braff -- always leave the house without pants on?

I always knew that Christina Ricci was a total pig. Check out her nose for an upcoming role.

More Britney may be pregnant photos. And I'm happy to report that the Britster is back in L.A. after an extended trip to Hawaii. Thank god -- Starbucks profits have down since she left town in early March.

I know you'll be thrilled to see these pics of Tom Cruise tonguing down the heavily pregnant Katie Holmes at a baseball game. Poor Connor and Isabella.

Scientology's most famous supporter -- Tom Cruise -- pulled out all the stops to get Comedy Central to cancel a rebroadcast of a controversial South Park episode poking fun at his religion.

According to Page Six, Tom vowed not to promote Mission Impossible 3 -- which Paramount is banking on to be a big hit -- if the episode ran this past Wednesday. At the last minute, it was mysteriously pulled.

Paramount is owned by Viacom, which also owns -- drumroll, please -- Comedy Central.

The episode in question is called "Trapped in the Closet," which makes fun of Scientology and shows Tom and John Travolta in a closet. If it sounds familiar, it's because Scientologist Isaac Hayes, who played Chef, quit over it earlier this week -- though he didn't complain (and cashed his check) when it first aired in November. Rumors are swirling that Isaac was pressed to quit by his minders in the Church of Scientology.

Is there anything Tom won't do for L. Ron's disciples? Let's hope that he loves his fiancé -- and fellow convert -- Katie Holmes as much as he loves his religion.

I know, I know -- you've heard rumors that Brad and Angelina are getting hitched a hundred times. It hasn't happened... obviously, so I understand your skepticism. Hey, I'm skeptic too. But if I didn't tell you and they did get married, then I wouldn't be doing my job. Right?

So here's the latest Brangelina wedding rumor. Again, the wedding location is said to be Italy. Could be Clooney's villa, which in the past he denied, denied, denied. The nearby town of Cernobbio is another possibility.

Interestingly, someone emailed my office a couple weeks back saying they had info about the wedding. However, they expected to be paid for the scoop. As if! Here's the email:
________________________________________________
From: Jerry
Sent: Saturday, March 04, 2006 4:19 AM
To: Editors
Subject: tip re wedding of brad and jolie

I live on Lake Como, Italy and through a waitress friend, I have been told where and when the marriage of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will take place; she is involved in the preparation.

Jerry
________________________________________________

Take it for what it's worth.

You'd think spending a few weeks in Hawaii would be paradise, right? Not for Britney Spears, who reportedly stepped on a hypodermic needle.

Britney made one of her frequent trips to the hospital -- though this time it was actually warranted -- when she is said to have stepped out of her car -- without shoes (natch!) -- and onto a needle that was in the parking lot.

After being rushed to Hawaii State Hospital and examined, Britney was told that the needle was unused.

"Britney is going to be fine," a source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper. "It was more the shock of seeing the needle poking out of her foot -- as you can imagine... The conclusion we would all jump to is that it was discarded by a drug user. Britney was distraught but brave."

But will this teach her to finally wear shoes?

Here's the latest American Idol update from Jewels...

Singing Stevie Wonder songs proved tough for most performers this week. And after last night, I can't help but to think... even Stevie himself didn't sound so great singing classic-Stevie. Maybe it was the band all along?

I was happy to see certain contestants looking more like themselves. Ahhh... Ace without the velvet blazer! Bucky's Jessica Simpson 'do washed away.

I want to check out the ratings to learn how many viewers they held last night with their antics. Starting off with Ace in the bottom three was genius. Obviously, they did that on purpose for suspense.

Another trick the producer pulled was to put Ace up against Kevin. It really made the viewer think about who we are really voting for. I know I voted for Kevin, strategically thinking because I didn't want Melissa to beat him. I was like, if I helped do this to Ace, I'll never forgive myself. I knew inside he wasn't going anywhere though.

Of course Melissa was next. She knew it. We all knew it.

Down to the last two... and Bucky had the look of fear in his eyes (reminiscent of last week when it came down to him and Gedeon). And once again, Bucky was shocked he got to stay put. Lisa was in the bottom three? Wow, that's really hard to believe.

Whew, Ace was saved... then Lisa.

There she goes... Melissa, singing that same song that killed any chance she had to hold on another week. And with a smile, you gotta dig it. She sounded good and more confident. But the biggest producing mistake of the whole night was unfortunately when there wasn't enough time left in the show to hear if she ever got the lyrics right. I was so looking forward to that moment. Do you think she did?

Look out for Ace next week. He's gonna BRING IT. The eye of the tiger, man! Did you see it. I saw it... grrrrooooooowwwwlll!

Until next week...
J

To read her report from yesterday, click here.

Maybe if his name was Adam or Jude things would have worked out differently.

In what truly would have been a meeting of the minds, Jessica Simpson was invited to have dinner with fellow Texan President Bush tonight. So what time will dinner be served? Half past... never.

You see, Jess is in Washington today to lobby Congress on behalf of her pet charity, Operation Smile. (Funny charity of choice for a collagen lover, no?) She also reportedly accepted an invite to attend tonight's big National Republican Congressional Committee fundraiser, where she was guaranteed private face time with the Prez to talk about the organization. However, a day after accepting, her handlers called back and canceled.

So how are Jessica's people spinning it? Officially, they say Jessica was never supposed to attend the event. Off the record, they're planting stories that because Op Smile is a non-partisan group, Jess can't hobnob at a Republican event on behalf of the charity.

Either way, an NRCC spokesman said he was was surprised by la Simpson's behavior, sniffing: "It's never been a problem for Bono."

Saying goodbye was not an easy thing for American Idol's Melissa... but that's what she got for forgetting the words to her song on Tuesday night. So she was sent a packin'.

More shocking, I think, was the fact that Ace was in the bottom three. Has he gotten too big for his cute britches? If so, I think last night was a reality check for him that he's not going to coast by on cuteness alone.

And is Ryan Seacrest seriously dating Teri Hatcher? That's what it says in the new Us Weekly. Us reports that they had a first date at L.A.'s L'Orangerie on March 10. Us must be wrong though -- R&T must have been going to get pedicures together or handbag shopping or something. I so can't see them dating.

That's where you go after Clooney?

More on Idol later...

Here are some good blind items from today's Page Six. See if we can figure out who they're talking about...

Which married Sopranos actor has been having an affair with an actress who will appear in the series later this season?

Which cute young Hollywood couple is kaput? The blond babe dumped her hunk after she found out he gave her herpes?

Settled: The family of the late John Ritter reached a tentative settlement in a wrongful death lawsuit against the hospital in Burbank, CA, where the actor died. His wife, actress Amy Yasbeck, and his four children accused the hospital of negligence, claiming he was misdiagnosed "at least twice and underwent improper and unnecessary procedures" during his brief hospital stay. John died of an aortic aneurysm on September 11, 2003.

Gold Digging: The creepy, hairy estranged husband of American Pie actress Shannon Elizabeth filed a lawsuit yesterday seeking half of all property and assets the pair accumulated during the five years they lived together before they were married. Joseph Reitman moved in with the aspiring starlet in 1997, they married in 2002 and they split in 2005. Get. A. Job. Bozo.

Feuding: Oscar winner George Clooney is feuding with commentator Arianna Huffington. Earlier this week, Arianna posed an entry on her political blog that she said was written by the Good Night and Good Luck star. The article blasted Democrats over the Iraq war. Now, George is saying that he never wrote it. He says it was taken, with his permission, from interviews he'd done with Larry King and other media outlets. In short, his thoughts, but not his sentence structure.

Split: Phil Collins and his third wife, Orianne, will be leading separate lives. They got married in 1999 and split earlier this year. They have two children.

I got an email from Britney Spears this morning. Did she reveal to me that she's pregnant, ditching Kevin or any of her other dark secrets? Nah. She's hawking perfume.

You see, I'm on Britney's official mailing list. I'm not proud of it. Frankly, I'm embarrassed. But I just don't want to miss any Britney news -- whether it's an announcement that she's expecting... or that she's getting lipo. I must know all.

Do you think I need help? Is there a Britney 12-step program?

Anyway, here's the scoop on her fragrance...

----------------------------------------
From: Britney Spears
To: Suzy
Date: Thu 3/16/2006 12:29 AM
Subject: Are You In Control?
This is your chance to pre-order Britney's latest fragrance! In Control will be on shelves on March 31st, but you can place your pre-order now and have the fragrance shipped out to you before it's available in stores. This is a limited edition fragrance that will only be available for a limited time, so secure yours now!

Here's what Britney has to say about this exciting new fragrance:

"I'm very excited about my new, sexy limited edition scent, In Control. It's a new twist on my best-selling fragrance, Curious, but with added touches of crème brulé and midnight orchid that make it so sensual and exotic. It's completely addictive!"

-Britney Spears
----------------------------------------

Now I must say that it's ironic Britney's fragrance is called In Control when her life is so outta control. Between the stalkerazzi tracking her every move, her loser husband, those pregnancy rumors... Shouldn't she have named this fragrance "I'm a Mess," "Married to a Loser" or "Has-Been"?

I could think of 50 better names than In Control and I know you could too. So let's lose control and come up with better names for Brit's new scent. Post your suggestions below.

Like, oh my God, Brenda. Kelly Taylor is having another baby!

According to People.com, Beverly Hills, 90210 alum Jennie Garth and her hot husband, Peter Facinelli, are having their third child together. They already have two daughters: Luca Bella, 8, and Lola, 3.

Keep track of all the Hollywood stars who are infanticipating with the Celebrity Baby Tracker. And see if you can correctly answer the Jennie Garth question in About-to-Pop Star Trivia.

As you gear up for tonight's live results show of American Idol -- Stevie Wonder is performing! -- Jewels** has provided a little recap of last night's show. Enjoy...

Ooooo-Weeeeee -- Bucky got a blow dry!

It was apparent that the stylists were backstage doing their thang this week. The contestants were all made over... or in some cases, made under. Examples, Bucky, Ace, Mandisa (her shoes!) and even Melissa. They looked much better with their own styles. Hey Ace: Bring back the beanie!

Speaking of Ace, what happened? Classic Motown -- not his strongest performance. He's kind of been an every-other-week hottie. I have faith he'll get 'em next time.

Another not-so-pleasing sight -- but nothing in comparison -- was seeing Mandisa's feet squished into her shoes. Even more unsettling, Ryan taking them off saying she had "moist ankles." Ewww! What's with her and the "dogs barking"? Her feet, the jaw thing (where she barked at Ryan)... That chick can belt it out there, but boy is she an odd one.

Paris had Paula on her feet dancing! And there was another Fantasia comparison -- this time by Stevie Wonder. Wow! Although I don't see it, Paris is too sweet. And it was a total compliment from Stevie to Elliott when he said, "You should definitely choose this as a profession." He did great!

Taylor brought the funk with his electric performance. Chris rocked out hard with his version of Higher Ground. Once again, giving me no doubt that he's taking this competition all the way.

Lisa signed, sealed and delivered yet another stellar performance. The stunning Katharine dazzled. Pickler looked fabulous, but I couldn't stop yawning during her performance. And she was the second contestant.

Then there's Kevin, "little Kevin" as the great Stevie Wonder called him. Did you hear him defending himself to Simon: "I wasn't expecting much from you anyway." Go Kevin!

Which brings me to... You can't forget the lyrics at this stage in the game, so bye-bye Melissa. She actually got the lyrics right when she sang, "this time could mean goodbye," and I really think it will.

More tomorrow...
J

** To read Jewel's report from last week, click here.

Say it ain't so Nick.

I was firmly on Team Lachey until People.com confirmed that the 32-year-old newlyspit is dating Laguna Beach teenager Kristin Cavallari. You know -- L.C.'s nemesis. The one who whined about Stephen the whole time? The one whose totally lame show on UPN was just canceled.

"Eventually it might turn into something more serious," Kristin's pal confirms to People. "But right now it's not. They're at that stage when they're getting to know each other."

The new Us Weekly reports the same thing.

"They're just starting something," a source tells the mag. "It's very new, and that's why they don't want to talk about it."

Do you think Kristin's dating Nick for a career boost? Is Nick just trying to get back at Jessica by dating her younger look-alike? Do you think they make a good couple? Weigh in.

American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler's dad -- who is in jail for felony battery and aggravated assault -- gives an interview about his songbird daughter. In other Idol news, Simon tells Extra -- his girlfriend's show -- that he thinks either Kellie, Taylor or Chris could be this year's winner.

Since scoring amazing ratings the night of the Super Bowl, Grey's Anatomy has beaten Desperate Housewives in the ratings every week. Yay! Down with the annoying Housewives.

After the fiasco that was The Bachelor: Paris, I can't believe the producers are even considering doing another one. This time, they're searching for an architect for the bachelor and they plan to film in the tropics.

The Seinfeld curse may be broken. Julia Louis-Dreyfus's new sitcom The New Adventures of Old Christine got good ratings the other night. And there's definitely nothing wrong with that.

Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes already man and wife? According the the National Enquirer, they most definitely are.

The tab reports that Tom and Katie got hitched eight months ago when a Scientology chaplain performed a ceremony at sea.

With fellow Scientologists John Travolta and Kirstie Alley in attendance, TomKat exchanged rings with triangular Scientology symbols during a Caribbean cruise. (They are said to only wear the rings at Scientology functions.) After the ceremony, the couple walked across a small bridge -- a Scientology symbol for the journey to "total freedom." Katie was wearing white.

The mags says Katie's family, who are practicing Catholics, did not attend the ceremony. However, they will attend TomKat's "official" wedding this year.

Tom and Katie's spokesperson denies the Enquirer's story, saying, "They have not yet wed, and are continuing to move forward with their plans for the big day."

If they didn't marry, then perhaps the ceremony was Katie's official initiation as a Scientologist?

Today I think we should celebrate the life of a man who made us laugh in films like Anchorman, Old School and Elf. A man who...

Oh, wait -- he's not dead.

Yesterday, a fake press release went out across the Internet which purported to announce a fatal paragliding accident that killed comedian Will Ferrell. The story, posted on iNewswire.com, was filled with all kinds of mistakes -- the most glaring was that Will was paragliding Monday in San Diego. In actuality, Will was in Canada filming a movie. And, truth be told, Will has never been paragliding in his life.

"Not much to say other than we heard and read about it this morning and reacted accordingly," Ferrell's publicist told E! in an email. "There was no point in trying to track [the source] down as it was obviously a hoax... [Will is] alive and well, and filming a movie in Montreal."

What a bad joke.