Paul McCartney's long and winding road with Heather Mills is on the expressway to Overville.

Sir Paul has filed for divorce from Heather in what is expected to be one of Britain's most expensive breakups. In the papers, Paul -- who never made Heather sign a prenup to protect his $1.5 BILLION fortune (duh!) -- is said to call his soon-to-be ex both "unreasonable" and "argumentative."

Heather's mouthpiece, Phil Hall, issued his own statement saying that Heather is upset about the reports.

“Heather’s going to be filing her own counterclaims about matters both in this country and America. She does not feel the need to repudiate claims that she may be headstrong or feisty. She is hugely disappointed that matters of such a confidential nature should be aired in public and feels it is inappropriate to speak about such delicate matters when a child is involved.”

Way to bring baby Beatrice into this, Heather. Trying to win some sympathy points?

Paul was warned not to marry Heather, but he did anyway in 2002. They split in the spring after less than four years of marriage and 100s of denials that their marriage was on the rocks.

So... who should Paul date next? Let's play matchmaker for the former Beatle:
Sheryl Crow: She's single after Lance and has a thing for older rockers -- like Eric Clapton. Maybe Paul and Sheryl will make music together?

Geri Halliwell: The former Spice Girl -- who is single -- just had a baby. Maybe she and Paul could get together, change nappies and talk about the good old days they both had with their respective bands.

Yoko Ono: Considering they hate each other, this would be the match from hell. But wouldn't it be funny if their years of animosity stemmed from the fact that they secretly had crushes on one another? Hey, anything's possible.

Christie Brinkley: Paul is such a total believer in love and he's been looking for a true soulmate since he lost his beloved wife Linda. So how about another hopeless romantic: Christie Brinkley. She's blonde (Paul loves the blondes), loves kids (she has three; Paul has five) and they both have houses in Long Island, NY's the Hamptons. That could make those getting-to-know-each-other dates very convenient.

Pick your Mcpartner for McCartney below -- or offer up your own suggestions.

So there really is something going on with Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bunchen. Again!

Last week they were photographed separately leaving Gisele's birthday party. Now, over the weekend, Gisele was at Leo's beach house in Malibu, where she was spotted playing with his dog on the beach and chatting up his mom, Irmelin.

Although photogs didn't snap photos of Leo with Gisele, it doesn't mean he wasn't there – he could have been hiding from photogs. After all, he does have a girlfriend, model Bar Rafaeli, who is reportedly off working (which means making a pouty face while looking perfect in a bikini).

Do you think Leo and Gisele should reunite? Do you even care about the former party boy? Talk back below.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And if you can do it in a white, string bikini? Even better.

Pamela Anderson decided to give marriage another try, getting hitched to Kid Rock (aka Robert Ritchie) on Saturday aboard a yacht in Saint-Tropez. And, like her first wedding to Tommy Lee, Pam decided to marry in a white string bikini.

Is there seriously a string bikini out there that would support those ta-tas? Poor string.

Anyway, Pam -- who was also wearing a captain's hat -- and Kid exchanged vows in front of a mostly celeb-free crowd. Elton John's husband David Furnish was there as was Jimmy Choo owner Tamara Mellon, who is Kid Rock's ex and was reportedly in the wedding party.

"She was the most beautiful bride I've ever seen – like a modern-day Brigitte Bardot," Tamara told People. "Kid Rock was a total rock star. He gave her a good kiss. Everybody was crying." Added David: "It was a real rock n' roll wedding."

Pam plans to post photos from the wedding on her official Web site.

Pam and Kid are now off on a bit of a wedding whirlwind. They also plan to tie the knot in ceremonies on U.S. soil – Michigan, California and Tennessee.

No word on whether she'll be wearing actual clothing at any of those other ceremonies.

Keep up with this year's star unions with the Celebrity Wedding Tracker. Plus: try the Celebrity Wedding Quiz.

Finally, Johnny Depp's Pirates of the Caribbean has been overpowered. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx's Miami Vice landed the top spot at the box office over the weekend.

Here is the estimated box office business over the weekend:

1. Miami Vice, $25.2 million
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, $20.5 million
3. John Tucker Must Die, $14 million
4. Monster House, $11.5 million
5. The Ant Bully, $8.2 million

To celebrate Colin and Jamie's success – as well as the return of Miami Vice -- try the new game Celebrity Concentration: Small Screen to Silver Screen, where you match scenes from TV shows (like the original Miami Vice) to a scene from the corresponding movie version.

Fun, addicting and a great way to ease back into the work week.

Mel Gibson's passions apparently don't include those of the Jewish faith.

As I told you Friday, Mel was tossed in the can after being arrested for suspicion of drunk driving. But apparently that is the least of his worries. While the Oscar winner was in custody, the actor, whose behavior has grown increasingly bizarre over the years, unleashed a series of anti-Semitic remarks.

According to the arrest report on TMZ.com, in addition to threatening his arresting officer and trying to escape, Mel reportedly said: “F***ing Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” and asked the officer: “Are you a Jew?”

He also cussed out the police officers in general, saying things like: "You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you." The police officer's report also said: "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me."

Of course there was major damage control done by Mel's camp over the weekend. On Saturday he released a statement apologizing for the fiasco and blaming his comments on his "battle with the disease of alcoholism." Here's his "apology":

Lindsay "Party Her Panties Off" Lohan is in hot water with her boss.

She's been working on the movie Georgia Rule, but she keeps missing work and it's totally pissing off the movie company honchos. (She was hospitalized for dehydration earlier this week -- after being out all night the night before. Right after she was released from the hospital, she was out on the town again for dinner.) The big boss of Morgan Creek productions fired off a letter to the party girl starlet threatening legal action against her for what he calls irresponsible and unprofessional" behavior.

Here's the bitch out:

It was the passion of the booze that got Mel Gibson into some trouble earlier today.

Mel was pulled over this morning on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu and was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving. He spent some time in the can, but was released on $5,000 bail.

If the Pacific Coast Highway sounds familiar – that's the busy Malibu stretch Britney Spears made famous when she was photographed driving on it with Sean Preston on her lap.

But enough of Britney – poor Mel! I wonder if the church devotee – who has his own church in Malibu -- got a little crazy at mass and downed all the wine.

Uh-oh -- someone better get his Braveheart behind to confession!

ER star Maura Tierney's marriage has flatlined.

According to People.com, Maura has filed for divorce from her husband of 13 years, actor Billy Morrissette. She cited irreconcilable differences. They have been separated since March 7.

The couple met on a blind date, which took place in the revolving lounge at the top of the Hollywood Holiday Inn. They were set up by mutual friends.

Although they had no children, they have a black pug named Rose-Kennedy -- a nod to Maura's Massachusetts roots.

Maura recently returned to the set of ER after her spring/summer hiatus. She's been playing Abby Lockhart since 2000. Maybe she'll hook up with ER's newest cast member, John Stamos. Wouldn't they would make a good-looking pair?

Page Six suggests that the real reason Prince split with his wife is because he's become a smitten kitten with his new protégé, Tamar.

Celebrity photo agency X17 has photos of Leonardo DiCaprio and his ex Gisele Bundchen rendezvousing. So much for the gossip that Leo and his new girlfriend Bar somebody are getting serious.

Carmen Electra is denying that she's hooking up with Jamie Foxx. That's funny – I can see denying you're hooking up with Dennis Rodman, but I'd let the Jamie Foxx rumor go.

Britney Spears is in hot water… with her former pool boy.

Jon LaLanne – son of exerciser extraordinaire Jack LaLanne-- has gone to the press after getting canned by Britney. He says Britney kicked him to the curb because he was talking with K-Fed too much.

“I was hanging out a little bit,” the ex-employee told In Touch Weekly. “She came out screaming at Kevin for lying around, then looked at me like I was to blame.” The next day, Jon got a call from Brit's peeps telling him not to report for work.

The pool boy says that Britney is such a jealous housewife, that she gets mad if anyone talks to her husband.

“She wants Kevin on a leash,” Jon told the mag. “She fires everybody. I figured, ‘Why not me?’ I just didn’t expect her to be so mean.” He adds: “It’s a revolving door there. She’s not the nice person everyone thinks she is.”

Who thinks she's really nice?

The votes are in… and Simon Cowell is not a good boyfriend.

According to the British tabs, Simon has been cheating on his girlfriend, entertainment reporter Terri Seymour. The object of Simon's affection? A 21-year-old British reality TV star named Jasmine Lennard.

Doesn't Jasmine Lennard sound like a porn star name?

Apparently Jazzy – who has a b-friend – was dropped off in a limo at Simon's London mansion at midnight on Wednesday morning. Despite the temperatures, she was wearing a big fur coat. But when she got inside, she is said to have stripped it off to reveal nothing but lingerie. She stayed until the morning, but when she left she was photographed by a waiting paparazzo.

Hilariously, Simon's rep insists that the late-night get together was "a meeting to discuss TV projects."

Jazzy is a colorful character. She likes to hook up with both men and women. As a teen, she had hot and heavy relationships with coke and Ecstasy, spending time in rehab at the same time as Kate Moss.

This whole thing doesn't surprise me. A friend of a friend actually hooked up with Simon last year. They met at a wedding and went home together. They didn't sleep together… but that wasn't from a lack of trying on Simon's part.

Forget the dog pound for this Idol star – he's totally in the doghouse.

Although Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have been seen making out all over the place, they're still dancing around the fact that they're even together.

Yesterday, Nick stopped by TRL to plug his album, What's Left of Me. But even though he and Vanessa were getting hot and heavy at NYC's Butter the other night, they barely looked at each other throughout his appearance on her show. Here's a photo of one of the rare moments he even glanced her way.

Why so awkward, kids?

Meanwhile, I walked through Times Square yesterday while Nicky was taping and the young girls were out in full force! The cute little blondies were four deep – with their camera's and cellphones in hand.

I hope Nick at least showed those girls some love.

Not only has Leah Remini seen Suri Cruise, but so has Jada Pinkett Smith -- twice. And I like to believe that Mrs. Will Smith would keep it real and not lie about the child's existence.

"She's one of the sweetest babies I've ever met in my life," Jada tells People. "She's an absolute beauty and she's Daddy's little girl. She's got a head full of black, beautiful hair."

Jada also said that Tom is "excellent," Katie is "loving every single second" of motherhood and they both just "need to be left alone."

In other TomKat news, Page Six reports that the couple will not marry this weekend – which I guess is some big rumor I haven't heard, nor really care about.

Tom's saintly mouthpiece says, "As far as I know the plans are for late summer, early fall."

Or never!

Pamela Anderson does everything big – just look to her boobs for confirmation of that. So she's got some big plans in the works for her upcoming wedding to Kid Rock.

Make that weddings.

"I'm going to get married a few times this month to the same guy," said Pammy during press conference yesterday. Pam – who was wearing a veil -- was in Vegas to promote her new online gaming site, PamelaPoker.com.

Pam and Kid will get hitched on Saturday in the South of France. The festivities will take place on a boat, a beach and then a club.

Shortly after, they'll begin a U.S. wedding tour, where they'll get hitched three more times.

"We had to do Malibu, we've got to do Detroit, and we've got to do Nashville. If Bob knew he was getting married five years ago in St. Tropez, he wouldn't have believed it."

No word on their honeymoon plans, but I'm pretty sure it won't involve a sex tape. The one Pam made on her honeymoon with Tommy Lee became one of the most popular sex tapes out there. And Kid Rock has a sex tape of his own –- with Creed's Scott Stapp and a bunch of groupie girls. Besides, I don't the world can handle another video of Kid Rock doing the deed. The thought is pretty horrifying.... though I wish him well with Pam.

Everywhere you turn it's starlets, starlets, starlets!

Lindsay Lohan has a new boyfriend, so they're having a cross-country tongue-down fest this summer – when she isn't being hospitalized for her ailment of the day. When Mischa Barton's not getting groped by Cicso Adler, she's summering in London, where she's taking acting some much-needed classes. Scarlett Johannson – with her lips that rival Angelina Jolie's – is working hard and playing hard… with her boyfriend/Black Dahlia costar Josh Hartnett. And Laguna Beach's Kristin Cavallari is trying to turn her reality TV success into a career... by making the scene at every friggin' event imaginable.

These starlets are so all over the place, it's exhausting!

In this week's Daily Blabber video blog, I take a look at the rise and fall of the celebrity "It" girl – from step one: bursting on the scene to step eight: getting C-listed and doing anything for attention.

Have a look.

Perhaps she was always in his hair?

Bizarro music icon Prince is swingin' single. He and his wife Manuela Testolini Nelson are divorcing.

The divorce papers were actually filed on May 24, which makes Prince's divorce this year's best kept secret. Usually the public knows about a celeb's split before the star's close friends, family... or, sometimes, the person they're divorcing.

Prince and Manuela -- who look Prince's last name, Nelson -- got hitched in 2001. They met through his charitable foundation.

Prince was previously married to Mayte Garcia from 1996 through 1998, when their union was annulled.

Keep up with this year's many Hollywood splits – from Carmen & Dave to Charlie & Denise – in the Celebrity Breakup Tracker.

As if Britney Spears needs anymore trouble in her life, she's reportedly having a very difficult second pregnancy.

In Touch is reporting that the mom tart went into false labor on July 15. Although a family member tells the mad that "She's fine now," Brit has her doctor on speed dial just in case anything comes up.

During her first pregnancy, Britney also had a few scares -- and made a few emergency

visits to the hospital.

Brit's doctor has warned her that she may spend the last month of her pregnancy on bed rest, though a friend says she's doing everything she can to prevent that from happening.

Poor Brit -- no cracking on her today.

Candy Spelling may get the last laugh in her bitter feud with her daughter, Tori.

According to the new Us, Tori, who stood to inherit millions for her late father's $500 million estate, she will get just 0.16% of her daddy's bucks. Tori gets a cash inheritance of $200,000 plus about $600,000 in investments that her father had set up for her.

“I believe Candy had a lot to do with what was left for Tori,” the source says of Tori’s mother, who is sole managing executor of the estate. (Candy’s rep had no comment.)

"I'm moving on with my life," said the So NoTORIous star as she shopped at a pawnshop with her new husband, Dean McDermott. "I'm just focusing on starting a loving and healthy family with Dean." Another source tells the mag that the newlywed "doesn't have enough money to buy an apartment, let alone a house."

I really feel for poor Tori. I mean, now she's going to have to earn her own money -- like the rest of us poor slobs who slave away from 9 to 5 in thankless jobs.

What am I talking about? I regurgitate celebrity gossip all day. I have no beef!

But seriously… I feel a little sorry for Tori. Why should her wacky mom get all the money? This is a lady who had two gift-wrapping rooms in her mansion. And an eBay room. Not to mention she started dating before her husband even died. Methinks they should donate all the money to charity instead of stomping around like they've been wronged.

Do you feel bad for Tori? Do you think she's getting what she deserves? Express yourself.

Jim Carrey hasn't had much luck romancing Hollywood ladies (Renee Zellweger and Lauren Holly are exes), but it seems like he's going full-speed ahead with his relationship with Jenny McCarthy: They're rumored to be getting hitched!

'"Jim calls Jenny 10 times a day," an insider tells The Scoop. "Jenny's been busting at the seams to scream her love from the rooftops."

Despite Jenny's urge to scream, both of their spokespeeps deny an engagement. Not that means much of anything these days – publicists are pretty much paid to lie for their clients.

According to rumors, a wedding could take place as early as Labor Day... and the divorce could take place as early as New Year's Day. Just kiddin' about the divorce part, but it's not completely out of the realm of possibility, right?

Rosie O'Donnell has nabbed a big-name guest to appear on The View on her first day: Jessica Simpson.

Apparently Rosie and Jess are old pals from back in the day when Rosie had her old talk show, The Rosie O'Donnell Show. So Ro called up Jess and asked her to come on to promote her new album, A Public Affair.

"When Jessica was just starting out, none of the big shows were interested in her, but Rosie took a chance on her and Jessica never forgot it," a source tells People. "When Jessica was on The Rosie O'Donnell Show years ago, Rosie went backstage afterwards and said, 'You're gonna be a star.' Jessica will never forget her."

Rosie's big "get" is a bitch slap at Star Jones, who never nabbed any big name guests during her tenure on the show.

Rosie makes her View debut on September 5.

Lance Bass is 'N Sync with his sexuality.

After recently being spotted at a gay bar in Cape Cod's Provincetown, Lance tells People mag: Yep, I'm gay.

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said [that I was gay], it would overpower everything," says Bass, referring to bandmates Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake. "I didn’t know: Could that be the end of ’N Sync? So I had that weight on me of like, ‘Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."

Lance says he's in a "very stable" relationship with Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl, with whom he was photographed in P-Town.

"The thing is, I’m not ashamed – that’s the one thing I want to say," he explains of his decision to come out. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I'm just happy."

Now that this whole thing is out in the open, Lance is planning on his next project: an Odd Couple-type sitcom – with Joey Fatone – in which his character will be gay.

Here's why I like Luke Wilson. During a recent interview with EW, he complained that it bugs him when celebrities talk about how grounded they are.

"That's just a real red flag. It's like, 'I like to work on classic cars and ride Arabian horses -- it keeps me grounded. The other 2 hours of the day I'm a f------ a------.'"

I couldn't agree more.

Maybe the My Super Ex-Girlfriend isn't the hottest kid on the playground, but his down-to-earth attitude is totally charming. I think he's my new Hollywood husband. Well -- at least for today.

Alec Baldwin will soon be on the prowl again…

Ugh – what a thought!

The star of 30 Rock has split with his girlfriend, Nicole Seidel, after over four years of dating. The reason behind the split, according to his camp, is his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, who has made it really extremely difficult for Alec to see their daughter, Ireland.

"The stress of the custody hearings took its toll," one of Alec's peeps told Page Six. "They're still friends, and Alec thinks Nicole's great."

In other couples news, Carmen Electra seems to be moving on from her soon-to-be ex-husband Dave Navarro. According to Page Six, Carmen was seen getting cozy with Jamie Foxx the other night at Hollywood club Element.

"Jamie's arm was around Carmen more than once and whispers were exchanged several times," a spy told the tab. "No one saw them kissing, but they left together out the back. It seemed like they were out on a date."

And don't forget that Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are getting hitched on Saturday in St-Tropez. Pammy's working on the last minute wedding plans as I type. One of her orders of business? Asking Kid's ex-girlfriend -- Jimmy Choo shoe designer Tamara Mellon -- to be a bridesmaid.

Clearly Pam has no jealousy issues.

I mentioned yesterday that there was a rumor floating around that former X-Files star Gillian Anderson is pregnant. Well, it's no rumor. It's fact.

People confirms that Gillian and her new boyfriend, businessman Mark Griffiths, are expecting a baby at the end of the year.

Gillian already has an 11-year-old kid from her first marriage – a daughter named Piper. There are no children from her second marriage, which ended in April.

As for the boyfriend, the only real tidbit about him is that he used to date Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell, who is a new mum herself.

In other bump news, the Brits are reporting that Destiny's Child's Kelly Rowland is two months pregnant.

"It's kind of a bitter-sweet feeling because I was planning to release an album next year," Kelly reportedly told the Mirror.

Doesn't she know the three month rule?

Christie Brinkley's husband is begging for forgiveness.

In today's Cindy Adams column, the gossip diva reports that Peter Cook is trying to win back his superwife. Peter, through his lawyer, Norman Sheresky, asked Cindy to deliver this message:

"I love my wife. I have loved her since the day I met her. Please . . . I love her."

Then: "For a lifetime I've tried to prove how much I love her. This is an aberration."

Then, amid tears: "I'm sorry. I'm contrite. I'm stupid. Foolish. No excuse."

Peter's lawyer – a high-profile divorce attorney who helped James Gandolfini end his marriage -- also told Cindy that Christie and Peter have are no plans to divorce at this time.

"What coming divorce action? There is no divorce proceeding that is proceeding. Christie Brinkley has not sued her husband. He hopes there's no divorce. If she wants one, and he certainly hopes this doesn't happen, but if -- it will not be nasty. She can have whatever she wants."

The lawyer also wants peeps to feel bad for Peter, saying: "He's just going to his office where he's hounded. He's just sitting . . . and . . . crying."

Poor Peter. But just a thought: Maybe if he didn't sleep with a 17-year-old, none of this would have happened.

Matthew McConaughey, in Malibu, soaking wet. This is way better than an iced latte. Enjoy the tasty treat.

Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza was so excited to win last night's Miss Universe pageant that she... passed out cold.

The 18-year-old from Puerto Rico went backstage after the show to pose for photos and take questions. Then it was lights out, nobody's home. Luckily, someone caught her before she smashed her new tiara.

As Miss Universe, Fainty Rivera Mendoza gets to travel the world for a year on behalf of charities and pageant sponsors. She also gets a yearlong salary, a NYC apartment and a modeling contract.

Sadly, she doesn't get a personal catcher.

One of the best books I ever read was The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory, which is about Anne Boleyn's sister Mary. Well, it's being Hollywood-ized. According to Page Six, Natalie Portman has been tapped to play Anne, Scarlett Johansson will play Mary and wonder from Down Under Eric Bana will play Henry VIII. The movie starts filming in October. I pray it's half as good as the book.

According to WENN, newlysplit Gillian Anderson is preggers. The X-Files babe dropped her second husband three months back, but she's apparently having no problem rebounding.

Kim Cattrall is too sexy for New Zealand. Her Nissan ad was pulled after TV watchers complained it was too raunchy. In it she says things like: "Why didn't you tell me it was so big? I just wasn't prepared for it." V. tame compared to SATC content.

It should come as no surprise that Colin Farrell has filed a restraining order against the stalker who accused him of stalking her.

Although Peter "the Cheater" Cook wasn't committed to his wife, Christie Brinkley, he is still committed to his wedding band. He was wearing it over the weekend in the Hamptons.

While millions of men have dreamed of fathering Linda Evangelista's child, Page Six says the supermodel, who is six months pregnant, was artificially inseminated. The dad is reportedly a "New York architect." Hmmm… Does Peter Cook have anything else he'd like to tell Christie?

Johnny Depp still rules. Pirates nabbed the top spot at the box office for the third week in a row.

Jessica Simpson may be tres annoying, but ole girl has a killer bod. ($#%&@!) Here she is in Cabo, where she celebrated her birthday. I'm so getting a salad for lunch.

I'm quite depressed to report that Tina Fey is leaving Saturday Night Live, where she has been for the last 9 years. Big boo hoo. She's going to focus on her new baby – 30 Rock – another NBC show, which goes behind the scenes of a late night show. While I'm optimistic about 30 Rock – Alec Baldwin is a regular – I'm glad she's sticking close to home just in case 30 something doesn't work out. I love me some Tina Fey. Girl cracks me up.

Speaking of crack… If you can't laugh about your drug problem, what can you laugh about? Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's Aaron Sorkin had a slip of the tongue over the weekend when he referred to some TV programs as "bad crack in the schoolyard." The uberproducer was arrested in 2001 for possessing coke, mushrooms and pot. Matthew Perry, who stars in the show, made sure Aaron didn't sweat it out on his own. After Aaron's slip, Matthew joked about "bad Vicodin in the schoolyard." MP's Vicodin addiction is said to have caused his crazy weight gain and loss during his Friends tenure.

Uncle Jesse Blackie Parrish (aka John Stamos) is going to be a series regular on ER this season. Forget Christie Brinkley. Has John Stamos aged a bit since the '80s? Well, the mullet is gone (thank god!), but he still has that same baby face. Meanwhile, John's ex-wife, Rebecca Romijn is reportedly going to marry Jerry O'Connell in September on a tropical island. Why don't I see those two as happily ever after material?

Couldn't afford Madonna tickets? Don't sweat it. She's taping a two-hour special in London this summer and it will air in November.

Heather Locklear needs an intervention.

According to People, the Melrose Place vixen has a new tattoo: the word "Finch" newly tattooed above a heart. Although Heather's peeps deny it, the tattoo is reportedly a nod to her "secret" boyfriend David Spade. Although the meaning behind the tat seems obvious -- David played Dennis Finch on Just Shoot Me -- Heather's camp says that it has absolutely nothing to do with David. (Yeah right!) Instead, it means "she's free as a bird."

Then why not a sparrow, cardinal… or chicken? A finch is a little too ironic, right?

If the ink is a tribute to her new boyfriend, I think somebody needs to step in and give Heath a talking to. Doesn't she know that inking a tribute to her SO is like the kiss of death for a Hollywood relationship? It's like when a celebrity couple costars in project together – expect a press release about their impending divorce within the year.

In fact, I think Los Angeles County should pass a law requiring all celebrities to have a mandatory six month waiting period before they do anything crazy – like tattoo their new boyfriend's nickname on their ankle or, gasp, get married. Put some thought into these things, people.

I predict a trip to the laser surgeon coming. In six months Finch will simply read "Fin" -- a la Johnny "Wino Forever" Depp.

It feels like it's been ages! I'm back from my fantabulous vacation, and I'm tan, rested and ready for gossip. I really didn't read too much while I was gone, so forgive me if I'm still in vacation mode today. I'm still on "Vineyard time."

The one thing I did follow a wee bit is the whole Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook fiasco. What a louse, right? I can't believe Ken cheated on Barbie! But suddenly Christie's popularity points have soared. People are buzzing about her again. This is the most press she's gotten since the National Lampoon's era. To her credit, ole girl hasn't aged a day since the '80s. She looks incredible. Perhaps that Total Gym that she shilled with Chuck Norris really did work.

Note to self: See if that's still available.

The whole Cookie Nookie scandal gave me a big old flashback to last summer's Nannygate. Gotta love that horndog Jude Law. Nannygate also happened while I was on the Vineyard -- last summer -- and I couldn't get enough. From Jude's press release confirming he banged the nanny to Sienna's mum publicly berating Jude, it was the best drama of the year.

By the way, the heck has happened to Jude. Two years ago, he was the next "It" guy. He put out 6 movies that year. He was up for an Oscar. Now he's seen jogging around L.A. in his underpants. And so I digress.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back. In addition to missing gossip, I missed you guys... even those of you who like to call me bad names. Just FYI, "bitch" is a term of endearment in my circle. You'll have to do way better than that. ;)
More later --
Suzy

Poor Colin Farrell. Even after a much-needed (by his own admission) trip to rehab, he still can't steer clear of the crazy.

While taping an appearance on Jay Leno's Tonight Show yesterday, a woman, identified by Access Hollywood as Dessarae Bradford, ran out of the audience section of the studio and towards Farrell, before she was stopped and removed from the taping by security.

Who is Dessarae Bradford? In 2004 she filed a lawsuit against the Miami Vice star, claiming he was stalking her. The suit was dismissed i