I contemplated tackling him when he walked by, so I could rough him up and get some finale secrets, but I thought better of it. He's slightly bigger than me.

I guess I can wait two weeks.

More: Sex on My Desk writer Josey Miller had a great star sighting of her own -- Chris Noth (a.k.a. Sex and the City's Mr. Big, who I've bumped into a few times in the last couple years.) You must read her post about their tense run-in. He wasn't all that nice.

In the past year, a number of big Hollywooders have decided to come out, including Lance Bass, T.R. Knight, Doogie Howser and Isaiah Washington. Just kidding about that last one.

Here's hoping that one day soon these declarations don't make headlines.

The lady with the golden pipes, Christina Aguilera, has been working on a signature scent to sell to the masses, but it's not going too well, according the latest market research.

The Daily Mirror says that Xtina's new fragrance, aptly titled Simply Christina, has not been getting the best reviews from recent testers. Consumers are calling it "tacky" and a member of one London panel said, "The packaging looked cheap and we went away unimpressed."

I realize the powerhouse has recently changed her image from sexy little vixen to mature glamour puss, but maybe she should have just stuck with her old look and named the perfume "Dirrty" -- then nobody would be disappointed.

Why, why, why? Why would a parent do this to a child?

That's Celine Dion and her son on the cover of Hello. Rene Charles is six-years-old and, I'm sorry, but in those six long years Celine must have had a free afternoon to get this kid to a barber. He has a cute enough face, but with those locks, I bet even he's confused which bathroom to use.

Note to Celine: Now that your Vegas run is almost over, please take over your boy for a haircut -- Because You Loved Him.

“I could give two [bleeps] about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.”

---Jessica Alba, who just tripled the number of photographers outside her house, on what she thinks of the paparazzi.

It was looking like Carrie Underwood had it all. In the last few months the former American Idol winner has won a boat-load of Grammys and Country Music Awards, has a very catchy little ditty on pop radio, about getting back at her cheatin' man, that I love to belt out in my car--

I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little suped-up four wheel drive
And carved my name into his leather seats

-- And had snagged one hot football player in Dallas Cowboys' Tony Romo. But it seems that Carries' good luck streak may be coming to an end.

According to the National Enquirer, Tony has told Carrie that he needs some time without the songstress, blaming the looming football season.

“Carrie thought that they were moving closer to a more committed relationship,” a source tells the tab. The QB had asked Carrie to give him space for his career once before, and she did, but this time, she's not having it, says the source, who adds, “Carrie wants a firm commitment from Tony.”

Break out the Louisville Slugger, Carrie!

Kudos to Nicole Richie for going on Ryan Seacrest's morning radio show to address just some of the millions of stories swirling around her. From her recently-rumored stay in rehab, to her pal Paris' upcoming slammer time, to her big barbecue that landed guest Mischa Barton in the ER, Nicole says, well, what she feels like, on the subjects.

TMZ has the whole interview, but here's just a taste of what Nic had to say:

On if Paris is nervous about jail: "Wouldn't you be?...Of course she is."

On possible facing her own time in the slammer for her DUI arrest:
"Everything is possible at this point...I'm nervous, but I understand that I have to deal with whatever consequences come my way, and I take responsibility."

On pal Lindsay Lohan's recent downfall:
"I haven't talked to her...she was at my barbecue, but I didn't see her...I saw Mischa, but I missed Lindsay...I think she was there for 5 minutes."

On rumors that she was back in rehab:
"I hadn't been photographed in a couple of weeks...people were wondering where I was...the truth was, I was on tour with [boyfriend] Joel [Madden]. I don't have any plans to go back [to rehab]. Hopefully I won't ever have to go back."

Now that American Idol has ended, babbling judge Paula Abdul has to find something to blather on about. Her topic of choice -- how badly she has been treated by her former rep, Howard Bragman.

In a tape Page Six got their hands on, Paula bitches, moans and sobs to a group of publicists about the unfair treatment she's had to put up with.

"I've never been treated this way and I've never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach," she wailed on the phone call. "I've been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time," Paula said.

The newspaper reported last week that Paula's recent mishap of tripping over her dog and breaking her nose was a made up story, and the truth was that the singer actually threw a glass against the wall and a shard of it cut her face.

Paula went on in her "poor me" speech to say that her former rep did his best to undermine her confidence.

"I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on 'American Idol.' Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I'm being told by Howard Bragman that I'm too old and no one will ever want to do a cover," she cried. "I'm being tested. All I've ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I've never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I'm tired of it."

But here's the best line of the phone call:
"I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I've never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser."

Um, really? Are you hearing yourself right now? Please, please, Paula. Just take a nice long vacation, on a quiet little island, and, for God's sake, pull yourself together!

Ugly Betty's Vanessa Williams says she's been the victim of a dognapping.

On Monday, the actress left her Westchester County, New York, home to drop off her son at a Memorial Day parade. When she returned soon after, her 1-year-old Yorkshire terrier -- that she left in her gated yard -- was missing. Vanessa told a local news reporter that she had noticed an unfamiliar car along her private road and thinks the driver was the alleged 'napper.

Since the incident, the mother of four, who is on summer hiatus from her hit show, has been circulating fliers about puppy Enzo's disappearance. She also promised a reward for the safe return of the pooch -- no questions asked.

If Wilhelmina Slater had her dog stolen, the suspects would be endless. But Vanessa Williams? The Pro-Activ pitchwoman seems nice enough. She's even friends with her ex-husbands! Who would be mean enough to steal her dog?

Old Bible-toting Paris is putting on a brave face for the public, but inside she is melting down about her upcoming stay in Hotel de Steel Bars.

Though the heiress has been seen out an about in the last week, partying with friends and family, People reports that Paris is slowly losing it.

"Paris hasn't been eating at all and her parents and friends are beyond worried about her," a source told the mag. "She breaks down crying a lot because she just can't deal with the reality and the pressure of everything that is happening."

And though she's been seeing her pals and trying to live her regular fancy life, Paris is absolutely dreading her upcoming jail time.

"She's been having such a tough time with it all despite her going out with friends and going shopping," the source says. "She just does that to keep her mind off things and to try and stay as normal as possible right now."

At least she has her fam on her side.

"Her biggest support has been her family – her parents without a doubt," says the source. "She talks to them a million times a day and they are doing everything they can to make sure that she comes out of this okay."

No doubt she's freaking out. I would be too if all of my luxuries were about to be taken from me -- and my luxuries consist of visiting the local Super Stop and Shop and watching One Tree Hill on SoapNet.

"Both are ways to make a good dishonest living."

– Keith Richards, who portrays Johnny Depp's dad in the new Pirates of the Caribbean sequel, on being a rock star compared to a pirate, to Rolling Stone

Sadly, this story leads me to believe that I can say "Bye, Bye, Bye" to any hopes of an *Nsync reunion.

Justin Timberlake continues his reign as the Prince of Pop with a new record label all his own. JT has partnered with Interscope Records to launch Tennman Records, and will serve as chairman and CEO on the label.

"I cannot wait to introduce the world to my new discoveries," Justin said in a statement.

My hope is that Justin signs Britney -- and that's where the happily ever after comes in.

Super Dad of the year, Kevin Federline and king of the "Yo Momma" jokes, Wilmer Valderamma, had a meeting of the minds this weekend in Las Vegas club, when they "chilled out together and insisted on rapping along to every song played."

The new dream team were so taken with each other, a witness says, the boys talked about collaborating in the future. "K-Fed invited Wilmer to be involved with his next album," the source told the Daily News.

Oh, goodie. Maybe Wilmer can be the godfather to Kevin's next set of children.

Find your Hollywood amigo by taking our Who's Your Celebrity Best Friend? quiz.

I love parties -- love to throw them, love to go to them, love them in general. And admittedly so, I had a small get together of the long weekend with some pals. We had a some fruity drinks a la my friends Pumpkin and Mellen, and ate some burgers and dogs. And I did send an evite to let everyone know the details.

Unfortunately, my invitation was not quite as colorful as the one Nicole Richie sent out to her friends. Us Weekly confirmed that this is what Nic's email said:

"Let's glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans, even though we have no...clue what Memorial Day really means!!...There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!"

Maybe that's why Nicole's pal Mischa Barton had to be rushed to the hospital from the backyard gala -- she was starving and had lost circulation from her tight pants!

Obviously Nicole says she was only kidding in her invite. Her rep insists:

“This invitation was sent via email to her friends who understand that she was responding in a joking manner to the constant untruths printed about her in the media. Her reference to Memorial Day was in no way meant to offend anyone but was simply an expression of her distaste for the current situation.”

At least the girl has a sense of humor, though I worry she might break in half if she laughs too hard.

"Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility."
-- Lindsay Lohan's spokesperson

Okay, so we here at the Blabber are going to layoff la Lohan until she's out of rehab and back in fighting shape. Get well soon, Lindsay! Our job wouldn't be half as fun without ya.

Sad but true: I sorta live for when Britney Spears updates her official website with her letters of truth. I read them and reread them... then ask other people what they think.

It sounds pathetic, but it's part of my job, y'all! I get paid to check in on Britney every day.

So earlier today Brit posted a new letter... and I've been waiting all damn day for someone to transcribe it so I could post it. (It's in flash, so you can't copy it. And I so wasn't going to retype it. I have standards, people!) Anyway, after the jump is the whole letter courtesy of UsMagazine.com.

Adam Levine of Maroon 5 fame is a good-looking guy. Just ask Jessica Simpson, Kirsten Dunst, Maria Sharapova, Paris Hilton, Vanessa Minnillo and the slew of other Hollywood ladies that he's been linked to.

And I admit -- begrudgingly -- that I was into him when his big album, Songs About Jane, hit. For a minute or two I wanted to be the girl with the broken smile, who had the guy waiting in pouring rain. Ya know?

But since he became the Hollywood "It" boy -- and I've had to hear him whine about all the gossip about him (and he does whine when he talks), I'm just not so into him. And his supershort haircut isn't helping matters. It just makes him look skinnier than he already is... and he was manorexic to start with.

So I'm over it. I think he's lost his sexy. But what do you think?

Well here's a headline you don't want to read:

Bobby Brown Dating Again

Apparently Whitney Houston's ex-husband is back to his "bachelor ways." Here's hoping none of us ever run into the lothario at a club. I can just imagine what his "bachelor ways" are like.

I need to take a shower.

Lindsay Lohan has landed a summer movie sequel -- it's called Rehab: Take Two.

According to People.com, Lindsay Lohan has checked back into rehab.

"She's doing the best she can," the source close to Lindsay tells the mag.

Let's hope this attempt to get sober is more successful than her first. As you may remember, in January the actress spent time in a facility called Wonderland. She was treated for a month, but she was frequently seen out and about, shopping with friends or tooling around LA in her Benz.

Yep, the same one she crashed over the weekend when she got her DUI.

For this rehab stint, Lindsay is changing things up a bit and she's doing the time at the famed Promises Malibu.

Hmm... wonder if she'll be sleeping in Britney's bed.

PS: And don't you think Brit’s breathing a h-u-g-e sigh of relief that Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton stole the spotlight over the weekend? There's a little less attention on the Britster, who seems like an angel compared to the other two.

"We went to this club called Les Deux [in Los Angeles recently], and that was really fun until Linsay Lohan arrived and had us thrown off our table, I know shes a huge star an all, and famous people deserve to sit down especially when they've been working so hard, but whatevs. Linday our thoughts are with you as you go through this difficult time in your life ( she got arrested this weekend ) in the words of Timbaland and Timberlake ' what goes around...' "

-- a very sympathetic Lily Allen, on her blog, about Lilo's tough times.

Miss Japan took home the title of Miss Universe on last night's show, but our own Miss U.S.A., Rachel Smith, put on her best "I've completely humiliated myself" face, after falling on her beauty queen butt in the evening gown portion of the competition.

She somehow made it to the finals anyway (note: most of the judges were American), proving coordination is not a prerequisite in becoming Miss Universe -- which means I still have a shot.

The people at MTV are on edge since Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are all going to be at the big Movie Awards this weekend. It will be the first time Jessica and Cam have been in each other's presence since Cameron melted down at a Golden Globes after-party in January, after watching Justin make nice to Jess.

A source told Page Six, "Everyone is determined to keep Cam and Jess far apart," though Justin has yet to spill if he and Jessica will be walking the red carpet together.

"It's becoming a big deal because the girls both want very separate arrival times," said the spy. "Nobody knows who Cameron is going to bring, if anyone. But if Jessica walks with Justin, Cameron will want to bring a date. If Jessica goes alone, Cam will probably walk alone. It's a mess."

Apparently the later you walk the red carpet, the bigger the star you are, and Cameron, who is accustomed to being at the top of the A-list, wants to avoid the "humiliation" of having an earlier arrival time than Jessica.

"Cam is used to being more high-profile than Jessica," the paper's source said. "But now that Jessica's dating Justin, she has more leverage. Cameron's looking a little unstable lately."

Maybe Cam can bring her new freaky boyfriend Criss Angel, and he can put a spell on everyone so that they can only see her.

UGH! Cameron has become so irritating, so fast.

Check out other memorable catfights in our Celebrity Feud slide show.

You won't be seeing Rosie O'Donnell on The View today -- or ever again for that matter.

The outspoken host has bailed on the show three weeks before her contract was set to end, after the throw down between her and Elisabeth Hasselbeck took on a life of its own. Ro says that her reason for leaving is the fact that the show chose to do a split-screen of the two hosts, who were arguing over their opposite political views.

Brian Frons, president of ABC Daytime said in a statement: "We had hoped that Rosie would be with us until the end of her contract three weeks from now, but Rosie has informed us that she would like an early leave. Therefore, we part ways, thank her for her tremendous contribution to The View and wish her well."

Rosie answered questions on her website all weekend regarding the incident and, when asked if she an Elisabeth had spoken, Ro said, "She called and Kelli [Carpenter, Rosie's partner] and her she spoke for a long time. I haven't spoken to her and I probably won't, and I think it's just as well."

I'm sad for them, but I'm dying to see what happens on today's show.

Much like her former alter-ego Marissa Cooper, Mischa Barton does not heed warnings about drug interactions!

The O.C. actress, who had been suffering from bronchitis since heading to the Cannes film festival last week, reportedly had few cocktails at a friend's BBQ this weekend, while taking antibiotics. According to TMZ, she began to feel extremely ill and was rushed to an undisclosed medical facility in Los Angeles, where she is "resting comfortably."

A rep for Mischa said the actress is with her fam and "feeling much better."

Props to her peeps for admitting to the adverse reaction, otherwise this so could have been a story about bad potato salad.

And poof! Just like that goes Lindsay Lohan's career down the toilet.

LiLo was arrested and cited for driving under the influence in Los Angeles very early Saturday morning, say police, after crashing her convertible into a curb on Sunset Boulevard. Lindsay, who had been partying at Les Deux, was picked up at the hospital, where she and the two other passengers in her car headed after the accident. Police were notified of the crash by a 911 call from an unidentified source.

Lindsay suffered minor injuries to her upper chest, while the others were not hurt, but the bigger news came when police revealed that they found "a usable amount of cocaine" in connection with the accident. Uh oh.

Police would not specify where the drugs were found, and a rep for the Beverly Hills Police Department also declined to comment on Lindsay's blood-alcohol level. She was charged with a misdemeanor as of now and there is a potential for additional charges.

Now In Touch is reporting that Lindsay is headed back to rehab. "She finally realizes it's the right thing to do," a friend of the actress told the mag. "She is going willingly."

This weekend's turn of events is a tough break for Linds, who was just getting over the last alleged cocaine-related scandal, where a "friend" leaked photos to the media of Lindsay supposedly doing lines in a bathroom stall.

Have some fun! Match some other celebs' mug shots to the crime with which they were charged in our Celebrity Matchmaker: Stars Behind Bars edition.

"On this one I think Rosie should win, but Rosie is not much herself... I think anybody that's against the war in Iraq is the winner of the fight, because to justify the war in Iraq -- only an imbecile could do that."

--- Donald Trump to Extra!, flooring the world by taking Rosie's side in her fight with Elisabeth

Things are moving nicely for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.

People magazine is suggesting that after a few months of dating around (hello ScarJo and Kate Hudson) the pop star has found what he is looking for in Jess. A source close to singer has said, "Justin's in love. She's the coolest chick ever. He wants to be with her all the time. He's ready to be serious."

Jessica has been spending her time off with Justin across the pond, where he is currently touring. They were seen having dinner with pals and taking in a soccer game.

Justin seems to be a serial-relationship type of guy, so I'm not really surprised. And Jessica, somehow, makes him much less annoying than, say, if he was draping himself all over Scarlett.

I can live with this.

I hope Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich doesn't plan on singing "Enter Sandman" to his new baby boy. The metal head and his actress girlfriend, Connie Nielsen, welcomed Bryce Thadeus Ulrich-Nielsen on May 21. Connie told the Danish newspaper BT, "We are ecstatic. Everything is fine with him. He is eating, and he's just so fine."

In other music baby news, there is a little Chili Pepper on the way! Anthony Kiedis, the wild lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and his model girlfriend have a baby on the way. Fingers crossed they don't pick Flea to be the Godfather.

Keep up on the other celebrity seeds growing with Celebrity Baby Tracker.

Has Mary-Kate Olsen actually acted in anything since Full House and those terrible twin sister movies?

I haven't seen her in anything but paparazzi shots, looking like a bag lady, but she's finally getting a "big girl" role -- and it's going to be a goodie. Showtime has added the skinny starlet to the cast of Weeds, where M-K will play "Tara, a devoted Christian girl . . . who becomes a love interest for Nancy Botwin's (Mary-Louise Parker) son, Silas (Hunter Parrish)." The show's executive producer told Hollywood Reporter, "Audiences have seen only one side of Mary-Kate, but here we'll see her in a whole new light."

Emphasis on the "light," I hope. I'd love to see Mary-Kate take a big bong hit and then head to 7-Eleven for some burritos and a Big Gulp.

Know everything about Mary-Kate and Ashley? Test your knowledge on other Hollywood families with our Celebrity Concentration: Famous Siblings game.

After Rosie and Elizabeth's tumultuous fight on The View on Wednesday, yesterday's show was a big snore. Rosie had the day off for her partner Kelli's birthday and the ladies barely spoke about the antics that took place the day before.

However, behind the scenes, Page Six is reporting that Ro's good friend and chief writer, Janette Barber, was allegedly escorted from the ABC building where the show tapes, after she was caught drawing moustaches on photographs of Elisabeth that hang in The View studios.

ABC confirmed in a statement only that photographs at The View's offices were defaced. Rosie O'Donnell was not in the building. ABC Legal and Human Resources are investigating the matter."

Come on! That's just ridiculous. Especially since these women were arguing over gravely serious topics such as politics in our country and our troops in Iraq, to participate in such a juvenile act is just disheartening.

You know what? It's just another story to support "the celebrity world is like high school" theory, though this is more like pre-school, if you ask me.

What?

Maybe she's not Nicole Richie-thin, but she's certainly not obese. And people wonder why girls are sticking toothbrushes down their throats after lunch.

I know it's hard to believe that Britney Spears would actually snag someone who's not just latching on to her for a free ride, but people are buzzing that she and Ryan Phillippe had a hot rendezvous in a club bathroom the other night.

The rumors first started when Ryan and Brit met up at Les Deux. Ry supposedly stopped at Brit's table where she "had her arms around him". Moments later Brit is said to have followed Reese's ex to the men's room. When Britney didn't return right away her worried bodyguards are said to have "busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing."

Of course their reps say it never happened, and considering the story is running in the National Enquirer, I'm not inclined to believe it, but it certainly sounds possible. Then again, Britney likes to find that rare diamond in the ruff, like her ex Kevin Federline, to polish up and make a her own. Ryan doesn't quite fit the bill.

What do you think? Hook up or made up?

For more couples that are feeling the heat, check out our Spring Fling Tracker.

PS: She looks really friggin' skinny too!

While perusing some photos from Cannes, I found this one -- taken earlier today -- of Brangelina. Doesn't Angie look stunning in this dress? Yellow is so hot. I was just looking at this yellow dress in a neighborhood boutique when I went to grab lunch.

And what about Brad's new 'do? Are you digging the Robert Redford-esque look? I think Brad's the kinda guy who could be wearing a ski mask and still look deliciously hot.

Tear them -- and my love for them -- apart below.

Plus: Who are your top 5? List your favorite stars in the iConnect Daily Blabber group.

The King of Pop has found a way to rake in more money for his never-ending plastic surgery. Michael Jackson has agreed to appear at the Prince Azim of Brunei's 25th birthday party for a cool 10 million dollars. But get this; he won't even be performing Thriller or Billie Jean! Jacko doesn't have to sing a thing -- all he has to do is show up, say a few words, and be his weird old self.

The prince is going all out, reportedly spending close to $14 million in total on the bash. Other people scheduled to appear are Jerry Hall, Pamela Anderson, Faye Dunaway, Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss. The all-star guests will leave with goodie bags stuffed with diamond jewelry, Bose electronics, iPods and tubs of Creme De La Mer face creams.

The two-day event will start with a casino theme on Friday, followed by a champagne and caviar disco. At Saturday evening's grand finale - a Black & Glamorous themed ball - Dionne Warwick will sing (for a measly $500,000 --rip off!) and MJ will make a speech and pretend to be normal.

A source for London's Daily Mirror says, "Prince Azim wants his bash to be more glamorous than the Oscars. He's adamant it should be talked about for years to come."

Yes, but will it be better than MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen?

For a quick reminder on how Michael has, um, tranformed over the years, and other celebs who have gone under the knife, check out our Celebrity Plastic Surgery slideshow.

“She can come and stay with me for forty-five days.”

--- the very generous Simon Cowelll, on an alternative sentence for Paris Hilton.

I'm going to miss that sexy scoundrel now that American Idol is over.

See what others had to say about the tart-tongued Simon in our All-Star Debate: Has American Idol's Simon Gone Too Far?

The former Spice Girl actually had to tip off paparazzi that she would be at the Pleasure Chest sex shop in West Hollywood on Monday. The photogs showed up (of course) to find Posh accompanied by a blowup doll dressed like her as a "decoy." Very discreet.

Vicki's hubby David Beckham gets to town in July, as that is when his contract with the Galaxy soccer team goes into effect. Until then girl should take up gardening or something.

I know that some people are watching this show for the controversy Rosie causes with her big mouth, but am I alone in thinking that this has gone way past entertainment? I 've always liked The View for the banter between the ladies,and I definitely feel that Rosie has improved the show, but I was literally cringing from her fight with Elisabeth yesterday. If I wanted to watch people argue I'd watch Judge Judy, or all the other news channels where people are yelling over one another. I don't need to see Rosie and Elisabeth welling up with tears, as their fight clearly became very personal.

Admittedly I'm a wuss, and not a fan of confrontation, but I'm just looking to hear a few interesting stories and laugh a little when I tune in to the ladies. And I'm not sure if it can get back to that while Rosie is still around.

Check out a bunch of other celebrity fights in our Feuding Celebs: Raging Hollywood Rivalries slideshow.

These two are never going away.

The nausea that is Spencer Pratt and Lauren Conrad's ex-bff Heidi Montag, from Laguna Beach spinoff The Hills, have taken their very public relationship to the next step. Us magazine is reporting that Spencer got down on his wicked little knee and asked Heidi to be his wife. Of course she said "yes".

"She's over the moon!" a source told the mag of Heidi, who has been dating Spencer for eight months now.

All I can think is that Heidi hasn't watched an episode of her own show. Because if she had, she would see what a loser and snake this dude is. The good news is, when she catches him cheating on her (because it's obvious he will), she'll have a fresh new pair of boobs to share with someone else.

I wonder if Lauren will be a bridesmaid. Um, no.

To catch up on the craziness that was The Hills, check out our friends at TV Cocktail.

Winner: Jordin Sparks

Loser: Blake "Beat Boxer" Lewis

For a recap of the American Idol finale, check out TV Cocktail.

Buh-bye, Burke?

Us magazine is reporting that Isaiah Washington will not be causing trouble on the set of Grey's Anatomy next season.

"He will not be back as a series regular," a source close to the ABC told the mag.

However, Isaiah's rep insists that the actor -- who has been in hot water for calling his costar T.R. Knight a "f--got" -- isn't going anywhere. "Isaiah is not off the show," said the rep. " We don't not have a contract yet, but we expect to."

Will anyone be truly heartbroken if this is the end for Dr. Burke? Not me...

For more TV dish, visit the TV Cocktail blog.

According to People.com, the 40-year-old actress is pregnant and due this fall. That will be a few months prior to the January 2008 launch of her new series Lipstick Jungle, which will air on NBC.

Kim and her filmmaker husband, Manuel Boyer, already have a four-year-old son, Luke.

Here's hoping this one is girl. Cause if Mommy's show takes off, she'll have lots of lipstick and beauty supplies to share with baby one day.

Plus: Which other celebs are expecting? Check out iVillage's Celebrity Baby Tracker.

Ann got her to tear up when talking about her late mother, Marcheline Bertrand. Here's what she said:

"I'm in a strange, I suppose, place in my life," Angie told Ann. "I think that happens when you lose a parent, where you drop into a different kind of serious. And yet, at the same time, you want to laugh and enjoy as much as possible every day... I'm hanging on to my family really tight at this moment, and, because of that, trying to be as good a woman as I can be in my life." She cries. "Dammit," she said, "you got me crying... That's alright. It's part of life. ... I lost my mom. It's a natural thing for a child to lose a parent. I lost my mom too young, but it happened. And I'm happy she's out of pain, because I love her and she's my friend."

Plus: For more gossip on Angelina and Brad, click here.

Sheryl Crow pimps out her new baby boy in the latest issue of OK! magazine. As I've told you, OK! pays celebs for all their interviews, so you can bet that Sheryl collected a pretty penny for the first photos of the fella whom she adopted earlier this month.

Hey, if it makes her happy...

More: Can you ID Gwen Stefani's son, King? Match celebrities to their babies in Celebrity Concentration: Star Babies.

Porn star Paris Hilton was photographed earlier this week carrying a bible. She wants us all to assume she's been reading it, but we're wise to her -- the celebutante can't read!

Let us all take a moment to pray together... that this insufferable twit goes away and never comes back.

More: Which celebrities do you think are the most annoying? Sound off in our Daily Blabber social networking group.

Although I have the most ridiculous makeup assortment you could imagine (it's for work... really!), I don't consider myself a girly girl. So it was fun to be asked to attend last night's the Art of Packaging Award ceremony honoring Clinique. It was black tie -- so I had to say good-bye to my daily uniform (Serfontaine jeans and a rotating collection of tops) and into a clingy black gown and some great silver shoes. And I finally got to bust out the beautiful handbag that my friend and sometime makeup artist, Pauline, gave me for Christmas.

The event took place at the University Club in Manhattan -- and Clinique was honored for their designs. You know what their stuff looks like -- you probably have a green compact somewhere in one of your makeup bags. During the ceremony -- emceed by WABC-TV anchor Sade Baderinwa -- I got to counting how many Clinique products I have... I stopped after five.

The celebrity tie-in is that at the table next time mine sat the one and only Dustin Hoffman. Who -- yes, Natalie -- is taller than me. (IMDB.com says he's 5'6 3/4 to my 5'2 1/12.) Not sure what the Meet the Fockers star was doing there -- maybe he was with his daughter, who recently launched a skincare line? -- but after dinner was served all the ladies ran over to pose for photos with him.

Obviously I wasn't in the line or you'd see my mug along with his right here in the Blabber. I hate asking celebs to pose for photos. It is so weird.

The lovely evening was capped off with a great gift box of Clinique products. (Natch!) I have two new lipsticks, a blush, mascara and this Dramatically DIfferent Moisturing Lotion that is going to make me look like a 18-year-old again. (Oh, wait -- I still look like an 18-year-old.) And I got some men's shaving something or another, which I gave away to my driver Dan on the way home.

So if I don't post for a bit, you'll know where I am -- off applying my new makeup... all the while insisting that I'm totally not a girly girl.

The country crooner told Us Weekly that she and Nashville Predators hockey star Jordin Tootoo have been an item for months now, but have tried to lay low as a couple.

"We’ve been seeing each other since January, but we kept it under wraps,” Kellie told the mag. She plans to join her beau in central Canada this summer where, together, they'll take on the world. “I am this country bumpkin and he’s an Eskimo. I’m going to build an igloo!”

Let's hope she doesn't fall through the ice, but if she does, (insert flotation device joke here).

Plus: Talk about last night's American Idol in TV Cocktail.

So it was my best bud D's birthday yesterday and, being the procrastinator with a 1-year-old that I am, I couldn't get my butt to a store to pick her up a real card. So I was forced to surf the web looking for an appropriate E-card to send her. I'm not a paid member to any of those sites, I usually prefer the snail mail way of sending cards, but in my web travels I found the coolest, FREE, greeting card site.

It's called MushyGushy.com. Cute name, right? The thing that is so different about this site is that you can cut a head out of any picture you have on your computer (or find on the Internet) and paste it into an animated card. So, for instance, I sent Donna a birthday wish with my smiling, dancing face on it. Then I went crazy and sent my hubby an "I love you" card with our baby's head, plus one to my parents and in-laws. But you could upload a photo of, say, Josh Hartnett and send it to your friend who is all about him.

If you're like me and can barely find time to take a shower during the day, much less get to the store in time to get a birthday/anniversary/I love you card on time, check out this ingenious site and send your head to someone you love.

I can't believe Janet is 41, but she is. Wasn't she just playing Willis' girlfriend on Diff'rent Strokes?

In the new US she shares some of her stay-sexy tips:

"If I can do it, anybody can do it. Eating light and clean helps, but you really shouldn’t think of it as a diet, otherwise you feel like you’re depriving yourself. If you crave something, you should have a little bit of it, then let it go and move on. Do a little exercise so you’re back on track.”

Pick up the new issue to find out all of JJ's secrets.

For more on how celebrities get hot bodies, visit our Diet & Fitness channel.

Cigars all around!

Dennis Quaid and his wife Kimberly are expecting twins by a very nice surrogate mother later this year. His rep says Meg Ryan's ex and his wife, who were married in 2004, are the biological parents. The babies will have a big brother, Jack, from daddy's union with Meg.

In other dynamite baby news, John Heder and his wife Kirsten welcomed a baby girl into the world, naming her Evan Jane Heder. Napoleon Dynamite's daughter is said to be "safe and sound and healthy."

Congrats to all!

Her rep says no, but the National Enquirer and Star rag are saying that Nicole Richie has had a relapse and was back in Beau Monde on May 11 to fight anorexia and a painkiller addiction, on an outpatient basis.

The tabs say Nicole returned on the 19th.

Nicole's rep told TMZ a totally different story, saying that she's "in Glendale at her house" and was not admitted back into the facility. Her peeps are admitting that she did go back to see her therapist, and that her recovery is "an ongoing process," but that she's "completely sober."

Sounds suspicious...

What will Lindsay Lohan tell her AA friends when they come to her rumored end all and be all 21st birthday bash in July and find it's sponsored by Svedka vodka?

Nothing! She wouldn't dare let common folk into her star-studded bash.

As curious as it may sound, the "on the wagon" starlet has indeed closed a deal with the vodka company -- a deal that could net Linds up to seven figures for the July 2-3 celebration in Las Vegas.

When asked about the interesting selection, Linds' rep told the Daily News,"I am unaware of who is sponsoring Lindsay's birthday, as I am not the one planning it."

But LiLo's lawyer Mike Heller confirmed the vodka deal. "This should be one of the best parties ever," he told Us Weekly.

And isn't that what really matters?

Hello my Blabber-ers,

I'm back from a lovely weekend in Orlando, where I appeared on iVillage Live yesterday to talk about sexy celebrity men over 40.

My job is sooo difficult.

The guys from Hootie and the Blowfish (remember them?) were there, so I got to meet two of them. The main guy -- Darius Rucker -- was pretty quiet, but I told them that they played in Huntington, West Virginia when I was in college at Marshall University. Later, when I text messaged my friend Natalie to tell her I'd met them (she went to the Hootie concert with our friend Bonnie), Natalie wrote back to say that she had kissed the blond guy after the show.

"I kissed the goofy looking blonde guy in Huntington when they played at the Wild Dog," she said in her text. "I think.. right, I am pretty sure I did."

Oh, those fuzzy, foggy college nights.

Also on the set? David Tutera, who's a party planner of the stars. He's organized parties for Jennifer Lopez, Susan Lucci, Matthew McConaughey and a ton of other people. He also planned Elisabeth Hasselbeck's last baby shower and they're pals -- he was on The View today -- so he'll probably do the next one as well. He says she's due in October. My guest (very slightly!) resembled David, so it amused the heck outta us that people kept coming up to him all day asking him for party tips.

My favorite guest was a gal named Seven, who is a national spokeswoman for Ballys Fitness. Girl has it going on in the body department. After talking with her, I was like: Get me to a trainer asap. I said a prayer for her butt before I went to bed last night.

Glad to be back though. Missed you guys.

Suzy

PS: Check out my iVillage Live segment if you're feeling it. Skip it if you're not. ;)

CALL A STYLIST!

I've been staring at this photo for a good 5 minutes and I literally feel nauseous.

Despite the very bad outfit -- camouflage and stripes? -- I still love me some Johnny Depp. You?

"I literally don't know. It would be nice to know if I'm supposed to report back soon... If you're supposed to report back to work in a month and a half, I would really like to know that, because I would like to know if I can shave my head."
-- T.R. Knight (George) to Access Hollywood on whether or not he'll be on Grey's Anatomy this fall

So, Demi Moore wouldn't go as far as actually admitting that she and hubby Ashton Kutcher are expecting a baby, or even trying to get pregnant, for that matter, but she did tell Access Hollywood's Nancy O' Dell that they may want to add a little male punker to their fam.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Demi revealed to Nancy, when she asked if they wanted to have a boy. “I wouldn’t mind a little balance, you know balancing out that estrogen.”

Demi and Ashton already have three girls from her marriage to Bruce Willis, but it seems the old marrieds spend most of their free time working on other things than making a baby -- like Mexican train dominoes.

"It takes about three hours to play,” Demi explains. “I’m not joking when I say we’re addicted like two to three times a week.”

Huh! I'm suddenly not feeling so bad about playing Yahtzee with my husband on Saturday night.

Even a gag order is no match for our friends at Access Hollywood, who got confirmation from a source close to David Hasselhoff, that the actor and his estranged wife Pamela Bach will share joint custody of their two kids.

The family court judge ruled that Dave will have the girls three days and Pam will have them four.

Earlier in the month, a judge suspended the Hoff's visitation rights with his two daughters Taylor-Ann and Hayley Amber after a very sad video, showing the actor drunk, was leaked to the media.

The new custody arrangement will remain in place as long as David stays clean. He is required to take three blood tests and three breathalyzer tests this week. If he passes these tests he will continue to see his girls on this schedule.

We wish him the best of luck.

"There's nothing I have to hide or defend...you know, I'm gonna live my life. And there are gonna be times when people wanna try to attack me and I don't know why, but they will. And that's okay....There are other things I'm more concerned about...My kids are healthy. I have a lot I want to do in this world...I'm gonna be dead one day. And what people say about me is gonna be what I accomplished and what I did in my life and how my children are."

--- Angelina Jolie, to NBC's Ann Curry, on the never-ending stories of her life with Brad

Ann's full interview with Angie is set to air on Wednesday.

We're doubting the book Oprah's dad Vernon Winfrey is writing will be on Op's "must read" list when it hits the shelves.

The talk show queen said she was "stunned" at the news that her pop was penning a book called "Things Unspoken," dishing on Oprah as a child, saying she was "out of hand and unruly."

Oprah told the Daily News that she was blind sided when the paper called to get a comment from her about the book -- it was the first she had heard of it.

"One of my assistants said, 'The Daily News is calling. They say they heard your father is writing a book about you.' I said, 'That's impossible. I can assure them it's not true.'

"But then my sister said, 'I think you should call your father.' I called him and it turned out he is writing a book. The worst part of it was him saying, 'I meant to tell you I've been working on it.' "

"The last person in the world to be doing a book about me is Vernon Winfrey," O added. "The last person."

Talk about being betrayed -- no Father's Day tie for Vern.

Paula Abdul will be sportin' an unfortunate accessory on tonight's Idol -- a newly-banged up nose.

Judge Number Two took a spill and fell on her face this past weekend, breaking her sniffer. Paula was, reportedly, trying not to step on her Chihuahua Tulip when she hit the ground.

Though her rep says that Paula looks fine, he admits she is definitely feeling the after-effects.

"She is in pain. No question about that," he told People. "But she's standing 10 feet from me and you'd never know anything happened to her. There are no bandages. She's got some bruises on her arms and on one of her legs."

Let's hope the doctors have given sweet Paula something for the discomfort -- it will make tonight's American Idol sing-off even more interesting.

Will Katie Holmes be paying the pizza delivery boy for his sausage special? Not quite, but Katee Holmes will. Confused? I think that's the point.

A brand new porn star has been born and she is going by Mrs. Tom Cruise's maiden name (with a spelling glitch). Katee Holmes is a blonde, blue-eyed fashion student, a self-proclaimed virgin, who's rep says that her client is taking on Katie's name as an homage to the mom.

"Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she's done, beginning with Dawson's Creek," said Shy Love (I kid you not).

The real Katie's peeps call the name-taking a "cheap shot" and "sleazy", and I can't even imagine the lunacy that must be Tom Cruise at this moment.

I think it's kind of funny. I've always loved the names of porn movies that are bitten off mainstream flicks. My fave to date: Edward Penishands.

Did any of you have that friend in high school who would break up and get back together with her boyfriend every weekend? You were supposed to love him when she loved him and then call him scum when she hated him? I'm thinking that's the way it is for Jessica Simpson's friends.

Just days after the rumblings that John Mayer had dumped Jess, Us Weekly is reporting that the couple spent the night together in Jessica's NYC hotel room. Jess had been flying solo in Cannes this weekend, while John was seen partying with lots of ladies, but the crooner was back in Jess' company before you can say "we love the drama."

I'm sure this won't be the last we hear about this...

Now I'm positive that Pam Anderson absolutely broke Kid Rock's heart.

The former-marrieds almost ran into each other in Cannes this weekend when they showed up at the same restaurant. Even though Kid was there with his new girlfriend, May Anderson, sources say he bolted when he heard Pam was around.

"All of a sudden," said a Rush and Malloy spy, "Kid is like, 'Let's go, let's go!' He grabs May and pulls her out, and they leave right away. Kid Rock freaks out, and I've never seen him like that in my life!"

Pam was reportedly upset that Kid would flee at the mention of her name, but apparently it's just too hard for him to be around her.

I'm so upset for Kid. Obviously he is so much better off without the dim-witted blonde, but you can't help who you love, and he's obviously been burned by Pam more than once. Even his new flaxen-haired sweetie couldn't ease the pain. Sigh....

Who would have thought that the guy who wrote and sang the tear-jerking ballad, "With Arms Wide Open", could be such a belligerent dude?

Scott Stapp, former lead singer of the band Creed, was arrested at his home on Sunday and charged with assault related to domestic violence.

"No one was injured and no one was taken to the hospital," said Paul Miller, a Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office spokesman. He refused declined identify the victim and said he had no information about any physical violence.

"We don't know exactly what occurred here," he cryptically said.

Scott was married in February of 2006, to former Miss New York Jaclyn Nesheiwat, and was arrested for public drunkenness at LAX as he was on his way to his honeymoon.

Jaclyn would only say, "It's just a rough time," to The Palm Beach Post, of her hubby's latest screw up.

I'm thinking her arms aren't going to be so wide open when Scott gets out of jail.

Blabber Girl Alert!

My girl Suzy will be gracing your television screens today, as she hits the iVillage Live studios in sunny Florida. Suze will be dishing on the hotties in Hollywood who just happen to have hit the big 4-0 mark. Yum!

There are so many! My love George Clooney is the sexiest silver-haired fox breathing. And really, 40 is so the new 25.

Don't miss Suzy today on your tube at 12 noon ET, or watch her on demand at ivillagelive.com

Weeks after getting a clean bill of health from doctors, Farrah Fawcett was blind sided when new reports showed her cancer had returned. Originally diagnosed with anal cancer in 2006, the Charlie's Angels star had thought she's beaten the disease when doctors found another small malignant polyp in a recent exam.

What's even more heartbreaking is that before Farrah had the chance to tell her family the devastating news, The National Enquirer splashed the story on their rag.

"While Farrah still believes ‘Positivity Is A Necessity,’ it is now clear that the tabloids are as invasive and malignant as cancer and must be dealt with in the same aggressive manner," Farrah's good friend, Craig Nevius, said in a statement to Access Hollywood. "With this in mind, Farrah refuses to be forced into making any statement until such time as she, and not anyone else, sees fit. Farrah knows that her fans (or any human being with a heart, soul or conscience) will understand and support her position.”

The actress is currently being treated for the cancer.

This is the big make up scene from The Simple Life 5. I found it to be pain-staking, but thought some of you might want to see it. I was curious enough to give it a go.

I wonder if Nicole will bring Paris a cake with a nail file in it while she's in the slammer.

A word to the wise for Britney Spears: If you are trying to build your fan base back up, do not act like a big baby on a plane filled with regular people.

The pop princess threw a tad bit of a hissy fit on Friday, after boarding a United flight from Los Angeles to Miami. Minutes before the plane was scheduled to take off, Brit demanded she be let off. Apparently she finds non-leather airplane seats to be toxic.

"It was quite astonishing,” passenger Tony Sanchez told the News Of The World. “The doors had been closed for about ten minutes, everyone was strapped in and the plane was about to taxi to the runway when Britney got up and said she had to get off. She just said 'I don't want to fly on this plane. It hasn't got leather seats.' I heard everything but most people were left wondering what was going on, so the captain was forced to make an apology to all the other passengers over the tannoy."

Of course everyone else on the flight was pissed.

"It was quite a fiasco but she didn't seem to care about anything except getting off that plane. All the passengers were furious."

Brit did wind up finding a ride that met her demands, because she continued her House of Blues comeback tour in Miami Friday night, performing the same show she has been for the last few weeks, complete with a skipping CD that showcased her lip-synching. Brit pretended to sing to a sold out venue after fans waited on lines around the block for hours to get in to see her shake her mini-skirted groove thing.

Whoops!

“How can a guy with gold teeth sell toothpaste? It’s like a bald man selling shampoo.”

--- Pirates of the Caribbean's Johnny Depp, on why he just can't get behind certain movie-related products, like Captain Jack toothpaste.

Perez Hilton is reporting that the "public affair" between John and Jess is kaput! And it happened very recently.

"They officially called it quits this past weekend," a source told the gossip monger. "They'd been having problems for a while now and just decided it'd be better to end things."

Jessica has been in Cannes (random!), looking happy, while John has been seen in NYC canoodling with lots of different ladies.

The couple's first walk together in the spotlight was at a post-Grammy party February, though they had been rumored to be dating for months before.

And just when Jess had gotten daddy's approval....

Who would have thunk it?

Former Backstreet Boy and Paris Hilton ex, Nick Carter, is taking a break from clubbing to do some good for the world. Nick has gone all "Save the Dolphins" on us and has become a United Nations Special Ambassador, representing the United Nations Environment Programme, the Convention on Migratory Species, and the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society for their "Year of the Dolphin" campaign. He says he has been inspired by the do-gooding of some fellow celebs.

"People like Bono, Angelina Jolie, and Nicole Kidman have inspired me to put my celebrity to good use. I have the advantage of reaching multiple generations to make a difference.”

And though that sounds like a very scripted statement, Nick assures Us Weekly that this is serious stuff.

“I am really excited, but also a little nervous about this much responsibility...it is an actual job. There are responsibilities and commitments that I must make to be the voice of dolphins, whales and conservation issues, and the expectations are quite large."

Well, we can't fault him for his efforts, no matter what his real agenda is. But I do have a feeling that fading-star Nick is keeping a list in his frosted-tipped head of how this will help raise Hollhywood's awareness of him.

"I'm only wanted by directors for the image I give off, and it makes me angry. I always wanted to be an actor not a beauty pageant winner."

--- Jude Law, on being way too beautiful.

In an exclusive interview with The Mirror U.K., Orlando Bloom opens up about his love life -- and what he's looking for in a (very lucky) lady.

"I find the whole dating thing very hard actually," the actor admits. "Well, dating the girl I feel 'right' with, I mean.But I am a romantic and I like the idea of being in love, of thinking about that person all day long."

And if that isn't enough to makes us want to punch our significant others in the head, Orlando has settling down on his mind.

"I'd like to start a family one day and live more of a real existence, instead of being all over the place."

So what happened between him and sweetie Kate Bosworth, who ended their four-year relationship eight months ago?

"We're still very good friends," Orlando stresses. "But there's no denying that it had been a difficult year for us both.
Kate was on one side of the world, in Australia shooting Superman, and I was on the other, in the Bahamas for Pirates. So we tried giving each other a bit of time out. And, well, there were difficulties. There are in any relationship... In our case, it was extremely unfortunate that everything was on public display. I have always tried to keep my cards close to my chest - while wearing my heart on my sleeve - but it is a really hard thing to do."

No word on his rumored relationship with sexy Penelope Cruz, but if Penny snags this one it might just be all roses and candy.

Coley Laffoon, Anne Heche's soon-to-be-ex hubby, filed court papers requesting joint custody of their son, Homer, on the grounds that Anne tends to act in an inappropriate manner when it comes to their 5-year-old.

Coley is claiming that Anne is wacky and refuses to seek help. In the documents, the videographer states that his ex's "bizarre and delusional behavior" and "poor parenting skills" could be a problem if she were to get sole custody.

His accusations include Anne pulling a Britney -- not strapping Homer into a car seat, using foul language in front of the kid, and packing lunches her son didn't like (the nerve!). Coley added that because of his previous experience as a nanny and a camp counselor(????), he should be awarded joint custody.

He's also asking for a measly $33,000 a month in spousal support.

A rep for Anne said: "It is disappointing that Coley Laffoon has resorted to filing lies with the court because Anne would not cave in to his astronomical monetary demands, including his demand for $45,000 a month in support. For the past several years, the child's father has refused to get a job in order to contribute financially to the child's care."

Obviously this poor little boy has two unstable parents. One sees Martians, the other is a dead-beat with camp experience. I think he should become emancipated --- even at 5, he's bound to take better care of himself than either one of these wack jobs.

Just sayin'.

It's so annoying that the justice system just can't get it together enough to send Paris to jail for 45 whole days.

Paris' sentence has been shortened because of "good behavior", officials said yesterday. The heiress will now serve a measly 23 days in a "special needs" unit of a facility. An L.A. County sheriff's spokesman said that she'll be staying in a two-person cell reserved for "high-profile" inmates, and that she'll have at least an hour a day to shower, watch TV, play outside, or talk on the phone.

What?

Good behavior? Talk on the phone?

When Marcia Brady got punished she wasn't even allowed to play in the potato sack race in her backyard?

Blasphemy.

Joe Simpson has stopped stalking Britney Spears long enough to comment on daughter Jessica's main man, John Mayer.

The creepy dad/manager of Jess and her sis told People that he approves of Jess' latest male companion.

"If Jessica is in love, I love the things she is in love with," said Joe, at the Entertainment Weekly upfront party on Tuesday. "I want her to be happy. I'm always a fan of his. I love him; he's got great music."

Papa Joe thinks, unlike Jessica's ex-hubby Nick Lachey, that John is good for his girl.

"I think the beautiful thing is that [he and Jessica] don't do the same thing," he said. "He's a legend already. There is no competition. He's a guitarist; that's his thing. Jessica is a singer. She doesn't play guitar, so there's no competition."

They don't do the same thing? Aren't they both pop stars? Or is Jess an actress now?

Whatever Joe. You're just happier that you're better looking than this one.

Which is why I will be buying him the new issue of GQ, where his obsession is baring her assets on the June cover. And though I'm sure my beloved is hoping she'll talk about lesbian experiences and how she and her girlfriends have pillow fights in their underwear, Jessica focuses more on the annoying part of being so freakin' hot.
Here's a bit of the interview:

On her future in the biz: “Right now, I’m just exploring what my contribution to this business is—other than wearing a bikini and getting caught by the paparazzi.”

On some interesting cameramen:
“When you see the camera right here [looking down at her black yoga bell-bottoms and moving her arms into a flagman’s V], you’re like, ‘Uh, that’s my crotch.… I’m going to stand over here.’ You know? Cameramen are just horny sometimes.”

On Into the Blue execs forcing her character to scuba dive in a bikini instead of a wet suit:
“…the people in charge decided to dumb it down. And all of a sudden, the wet suits went away…If I’d bitched about the change, I would’ve been called a diva. I can’t say it was the first time that ever happened. And I can’t say it’ll be the last.”

Poor, poor Jess. Life must be hard when people exploit you for your looks. Anyway, are you available in July for my husband's birthday?

Another one for the Ouch! file.

The Office's Jenna Fischer fell down the marble steps at Buddakan during an upfront party Tuesday and suffered four fractures in her back.

The funny lady spent the night in St. Vincent's hospital and had to cancel an appearance on Conan O'Brien and a Harper's Bazaar shoot. A rep for Jenna said she's "doing much better and is resting at her hotel. Her husband [director James Gunn] flew in to be with her."

Yikes! Feel better, Jenna!

Ah, young love.

Lindsay Lohan and boy toy Calum Best had quite the head-turning squabble Monday at the SoHo Grand. Sources say Lindsay went nuts on Cal and a "screamfest" erupted. The cause of the fight? Cal's wandering eye.

Page Six spies saw Lindsay's latest companion "collecting numbers from all the models" every time she looked away. Earlier in the week, the Daily News reported that model Sara Nova blabbed that Calum had his hands all over her while Lindsay was in another room.

One of Lindsay's guy pals was overheard saying, "All her friends wish Calum would go back to London. He's just using her."

It's so sad when a solid couple comes upon tough times. Let's hope these kids make it work.

"The reason for this letter is to let everyone know that their prayers have truly helped me. I am so blessed that you care enough about me to be concerned and will continue to live in this brighter state with all of you by my side during this trying time."

Meanwhile, I'm going to Florida this weekend -- I'm going to be on iVillage Live on Monday -- and Britney is totally going to be in town performing at House of Blues. So will we be checking out her performance on Saturday night? Not a chance. According the HOB publicist, the show sold out in 15 minutes and they aren't giving out any comps.

I'm sure my travel companion -- who is bigger baseball fan than a Britney fan -- is breathing a h-u-g-e sigh of relief. I still think seeing her lip-sync live would have been amusing.

Forget a bad hair day! That is a worst ever hair day.

Source: Star Snapshots

Tracy told us this morning that Grey's Anatomy star Kate "I've Got Bad Bangs" Walsh is getting hitched. Now, I hate to be Debbie Downer here (well, not really!) but what the hell is she thinking? She's engaged after dating the guy for a month or two? Absurd.

Sadly, I think this is going to be the perfect example of a "too much, too soon" for yet another Hollywood star. She finds big success on a TV show -- and becomes a millionaire. Lands a dream spin-off. Now she's engaged. All in less than two years!

Slooooooooooooooow down, Kate! Enjoy the fame, cash, attention from men around the world. (Guys I know love her!) Don't make any rash decisions. Don't be a Jennifer Esposito, Renee Zellweger, Britney Spears or Nicky Hilton with a ridiculously quick marriage... that ends in divorce.

And I say this because I like her. She's my favorite on Grey's. But can't you guys see where this is headed?

And? We all knew that Brad and Angie were a couple and that was pretty much the reason for Jen and Brad's initial split, so does it matter if Shiloh was planned before they signed their names on the divorce papers? Not really. Brad and Jen were so over by then.

Nevertheless, I'm sure there's lots of good celebrity junk inside, so, of course, I'll be reading mine ASAP.

Dina Lohan sat down with Us Weekly to talk about the accusations that Lindsay is facing. Since a tape surfaced of her daughter's alleged drug use in a bathroom stall, Linds' mom/best friend/manager says the Lohan girls are just trying to ignore all the talk. Here's an excerpt from the article:

How is Lindsay holding up with the tape circulating? “We’re not reading anything about it. You can’t let it bother you. We work so hard, then some girl just tried to make money off her [for that tape]. Lindsay doesn’t even know who her friends are."

Do you think Lindsay is at the clubs too much?
“This [premieres and parties] is the fun part of the business. She’ll be 21 in a few months. Regardless, of course, as a parents, you set boundaries and scold them. But there are these dark stories – she is so misunderstood. All she wants to do is act and have a somewhat normal life. When you’re 20, it’s normal to want to go to The Ivy, to go to the hot stores. She can’t live in a bubble.”

Do you ever worry that she’s pushing herself too hard?
“When she doesn’t work, she’s so bored. I’ve told her, ‘Please slow down. Stop!’ She’s growing up and learning to do that. ... I’m her mother first: Everything could go away, and I couldn’t care less."

It's been a nice couple of months for Kate Walsh.

First she gets her own Grey's Anatomy spin-off and now she's snagged herself a man!

Kate confirmed to People magazine that she is indeed engaged to her guy, production co-president at 20th Century Fox, Alex Young. The Private Practice star said Alex proposed last week in San Francisco -- and gave her a fabulous Neil Lane diamond.

Ya think she's in love? Kate gushed to the mag that her future hubby is "the most amazing man I ever met."

Congrats!

I'm starting to think Cameron Diaz is right about Hollywood being the equivalent to high school....

When Cam ran into Kate Hudson in New York the other day, Kate took the opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings about her and Justin Timberlake's "friendship". You see, Justin attended Kate's New Year's party, and there was lots of talk that the twosome hit it off big time.

The Daily News is reporting that when Kate and Cam met up outside the bathroom at the Waverly hotel, Kate told Cameron, "I didn't sleep with your man, you know.'"

Obviously a huge relief to Justin's ex, the source says "Cameron teared up, and they hugged."

Awww. Now they can sit together in the cafeteria again!

"My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."

-- the most delusional man on Earth, R. Kelly, in the new issue of Hip-Hop Soul

The curse of the child actor strikes again.

JC Chasez lookalike David Faustino, really only known for playing Bud Bundy on Married...With Children, was arrested in Florida over the weekend.

After calling attention to themselves by arguing in the middle of the street, David and his ex-wife were approached by Police. The couple admitted they had been drinking and when the cops searched Bud's car -- they found bud. A gram of it.

Yup, David was charged with marijuana possession and disorderly intoxication and was jailed early Saturday morning. Officials say he was released the same day.

According to the story, Denise and Richie actually broke up two months ago, but "because they lived through public divorces and it was very painful" they kept their breakup a secret. Denise even attended Richie's father's funeral on April 20, traveling from LA to New Jersey to be with her ex. And she went on -- and on! -- about him in the new Glamour.

As you'll remember, Denise famously hooked up with the Bon Jovi rocker shortly after he split from his wife, Heather Locklear, who was also one of Denise's closest gal pals. At the time Blabber readers were outraged that Denise broke the "friends don't date exes" code.

Consider Denise's single status a warning to the other ladies in Hollywood to keep an eye on their men.

Update: People is confirming the split.

Talk about a broad taste in men. Cameron Diaz has been seen with a slew of guys since her breakup with Justin Timberlake last year. First there was the comment about the size of Kelly Slater's, um, surfboard, then she was dancing with Oscar nominee Dijmon Hounsou, and soon after, making out with hottie Tyrese at a club.

Now Cam has made another interesting choice. Perez Hilton is reporting that Cameron was spending time with freakish illusionist Criss Angel.

"Criss Angel and Cameron Diaz arrived arm in arm and smiling ear to ear to a performance of the Beatles' LOVE in Las Vegas on Monday night.

Criss drank Rum and Diet Coke; Cameron sipped white wine.

Following the show, they went backstage to meet the cast and crew of LOVE, and left the theater shortly after to play roulette.

The pair were also spotted partying together (that's half his head behind Cameron) earlier this past weekend."

Perhaps Criss can do us all a favor and make Cam disappear?

It seems Justin and Jess are very much "on" and Justin has flown his lady love to Manchester to join him on the U.K. leg of his tour. According to The Mirror, the couple is staying together at the Lowry Hotel and enjoyed a low-key dinner with a bunch of pals. The next day they took in a soccer game.

"They're both doing everything they can to keep their relationship low-profile but when they're among friends they can hardly keep their hands off each other," said the paper's spy.

I sort of like them together. Definitely better than SexyBack and ScarJo. How 'bout you?

Paris' psychiatrist is getting her out of testifying in a $10 million civil suit against her, brought on by some chick who says Paris talked smack about her to the New York Post in 2005.

Relatively unknown actress, Zeta Graff, said Paris made up stories that she was stalking the heiress and her ex Paris Lastis, because Graff used to date him.

Um, who cares? Did she steal your lunch money, too?

Anyway, Paris' shrink says that since Par was sentenced to her time in the slammer, she is freaking out and in no shape to be in court for this ridiculous suit.

"She is emotionally distraught and traumatized as a consequence of the findings at the May 4 hearing, the jail sentence imposed upon her by the judge, and her fear of incarceration," Dr. Sophy wrote in documents filed by Paris' legal team.

If she thinks she's disturbed now, just wait until she's playing poker for ciggies in the Big House.

It's about time. Is anyone else so sick of Donald Trump that if they never hear him bellow at another person again, it might be too soon?

The obnoxious mogul's reign of terror, The Apprentice, has yet to be picked up for another season, but The Donald insists he's the one not sure if he wants to do it anymore.

"'The Apprentice' has been and continues to be a great experience for me," Donald told the Daily News yesterday. "Who would ever have believed it was going to be one of the most successful shows ever on television. Over the next couple of weeks I'll make a decision whether or not I want to do another season."

I just can't stand that he has an answer for everything. And though I'd like to believe that this his persona is all an act, I just don't. I think he is as irritating in real life as he is on television.

I, for one, would be glad not to see him, his hair, or his mouth for a very long time. Fingers crossed, Rosie O'Donnell will get a show in his time slot.

At least she was wearing them, people!

Britney was partying with a bunch of girlfriends Saturday night at Teddy's in L.A. when witnesses say she stripped down to her underwear and danced on the couch. When a waiter came to clean up some of the mess, Brit and her pals told him he had to leave the all-girl bash.

The pop princess ordered only Red Bull from the bar, but before you go and think she's all on the wagon (or pregnant), spies say Brit used her friends as a cover to get her drink on.

"Britney took shots throughout the night," the club-goer reported.

So the girl had a little Mother's Day pre-party. I'm not mad at her. I'm a mom and I totally need a drink sometimes. But do I dance around in my panties while partaking?

Only once, I swear.

"They recently moved in together," a source close to the couple tells People. "It was a big step to take, especially for Mario, but they both think this could be it. Things are going really well right and they're loving being together all the time."

Here's hoping he doesn't cheat on her and publicly embarrass her like he did to poor Ali Landry. He reportedly cheated on Ali at his bachelor party and she found out days after they married. On the bright side, he can't do worse than that.

"Ever since the show ... all I hear about is my boobs. But you know me... I like to be the center of attention, and right now me and the girls, we are pretty much getting a lot of attention. I like to keep it a mystery. Let the mystery live on because as soon as I say yes or no then no one is going to care anymore."

The actress' rep confirmed the baby news to Usmagazine.com earlier today and gave them this statement: “Drea de Matteo and her long time boyfriend Shooter Jennings are having a baby and they are so excited."

Meanwhile, did any of you guys see the Sopranos last night? Tony offing you know who? It was craziness. With just a few episodes left, it's a free-for-all. Nobody is safe.

Amongst other things, I'm sure.

Lilo saddled up to her new/old beau, Calum Best, all over the new Atlantis Cove resort in the Bahamas this past weekend. Per The Daily News, Linds and Calum had a major, rolling around on the ground, grope session out in the open of the hotel grounds. When another guest happened upon a bikini-clad Lindsay and her man du jour, Calum said "Don't mind us -- we're tourists."

It's obvious why Lindsay loves him, right? He's hilarious! Um, no.

There was a whole lot of partying going on inside the resort, as tons of stars flocked to the island for a weekend of over-the-top bashes. Nick and Vanessa, Michael Jordan, Stevie Wonder, Whitney Houston, Kanye West, Usher, Babyface, Ashanti, Gloria Estefan, Liv Tyler, and so many more.

My favorite tidbit? John Travolta attended the "Silly 70's" party in his vintage white "Saturday Night Fever" suit.

Okay, so it probably wasn't the same suit, but it was a very good replica!

“They just get stupider and stupider. But I guess ignorance is bliss.”

--- My girl Pink, about the subjects of her hit "Stupid Girls", pop tartlets Britney, Jessica and Co.

Just when you thought you were done hearing about the antics of pop music train wrecks, Whitney and Bobby, Mr. Brown is at it again.

Bob is using his prerogative to sue his former wife for a change in custody of their daughter, Bobbi Kristina. Um, where was all of this when they were actually going through the divorce proceedings? Well, according to Bobby, he was so messed up from the divorce he wasn't thinking clearly.

"After Whitney and I separated, I had nowhere to go and very little money to live on. I was, for all intents and purposes, homeless," he explained in newly-filed court documents. So that's the reason, he says, he didn't respond to Whitney's petition for custody in time, and why she was awarded primary custody.

Now Bobby's begging the courts to reconsider, saying that, "I believe I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter Bobbi Kris -- a relationship that I would like to see strengthen and grow."

I bet I know what Whitney is thinking -- "HELL TO THE NO!"

Though I can't see Donald Trump in a rocking chair, giving his grandkids Werther's Originals and telling them stories of how he's bitched out half of America, but apparently he has become someone's Poppy.

Per Access Hollywood, Donald's son, Donald Jr., and his wife Vanessa, welcomed their first child, a baby girl, this past weekend. Kai Madison Trump was born on Saturday, weighing in at 6lbs, 14 oz, just in time for Mother's Day.

Let's just hope she doesn't have her grandfather's mouth.

Seems the Sopranos' beauty Drea de Matteo is keeping secrets again...

According to Page Six, the tough-talking actress was seen shopping for some maternity wear on NY's Madison Avenue, where Drea overheard saying that she and her country rock singer bf, Shooter Jennings, are expecting a bambino.

"She isn't showing much of a baby bump yet," said the spy -- which is probably why her rep refused to confirm the pregnancy.

Sheryl Crow pulled an Angelina!

According to Sheryl's official website, she's adopted a baby boy.

"I am so excited to share with you guys that I've adopted a little boy ... he was born 2 weeks ago. His name is Wyatt (after my dad) Steven (after my little brother and Scooter) and we are enjoying some very private family time."

Just in time for Mother's Day!

More: Check out Madge, Meg, the Jolie-Pitts and more in Celebrity Adoptions slide show

Thankfully, she didn't give it a crazy name like her costar Jason Lee, who named his kid Pilot Inspektor. Jaime named her baby Dezi James.

You may be able to engage in lots of tantric sex while working for Sting and Trudie Styler -- but DO NOT get pregnant!

The couple was ordered to pay a "substantial compensation" to their former chef, according to The Daily News, after an employment tribunal ruled that they discriminated against the cook by firing her after she became pregnant.

Jane Martin, 41, said she had worked for the pop star and his wife for eight years, cooking meals for them and their guests, but that Trudie was unhappy after Jane became pregnant in 2005. Trudie allegedly made the expectant chef work long hours and gave her hell when she took time off work because of illness.

The panel ruled that Jane was "unlawfully dismissed" and a victim of sexual harassment.

Sting and Trudie are said to be "devastated" by the ruling and plan to appeal. The amount of moolah they have to cough up will be decided on June 8h.

"I don't think my opinion means jacksh*t because I'm an actor. Why do actors think their opinions mean more? Have you heard anything useful come out of an actor's mouth lately?"

--- the always-entertaining Bruce Willis, on celebs who think they are better than us common folk.

"Women would come up to me on the street all the time and say, 'I admire you for conducting yourself so graciously.' A year later when I was dating Richie [Sambora], I was on the cover of every tabloid again. Suddenly the world hated me. I was called a husband-stealer and a back-stabber in the press."

--- the I-don't-know-when-to-stop-yapping Denise Richards, to Glamour, on how awful things were for her after splitting with Charlie Sheen and sleeping with her best friend's ex-husband

Beyonce's got a nice new gig. The Dreamgirl will be the face of Georgio Armani's latest fragrance, Emporio Armani Diamonds, scheduled to sparkle in stores in September.

"They have known each other for seven years," a source close to the designer told Page Six, "and Armani feels Beyoncé represents the glamour and glitz of the fragrance."

B will also sing on the commercial -- just in case you don't hear enough of her on your local radio station.

Gimme an F! Gimme an N! Gimme an L, L, L!

I'm. So. Happy.

My absolute favorite show of this past season, Friday Night Lights, has finally been picked up for the Fall schedule, with a full 22-episode order!

Do you know what that means?

22 hour-long episodes of that sexy Riggins, the adorable, I-just-want-to-hug-you Matt Saracen and his girl, Julie, the smokin' hot Coach Taylor, and so much more!

Thank God NBC figured out that, even though its ratings were iffy, this Texas-football drama scored every week with it's faithful viewers.

Go Panthers!!!

No, you're not still sleeping. This sexy pic of Patrick Dempsey is from RedBook's Hot Husband issue, where McDreamy himself talks about romancing his wife, why he'll make movies for his kids, and looking back on his past success.

On how he keeps wife, Jillian, swooning:
"I hope I still make her swoon! Sometimes I think, God, would Derek Shepard do this? because I am certainly not a perfect male at this moment. Just trying to provide and communicate and let her know how beautiful and important she is to me--I think those things make her swoon."

On what he's looking to do movie-wise:
"I don't want to do violent movies right now because I think there's too much violence in the world and I don't want to add to that. Romantic comedies at this point--we're at war, we're in a horrible place worldwide, and I want to so something that is going to help people escape. Enchanted is something I did for my daughter. I wanted to do something that kids can go see, and is fun for adults as well.

On his Can't Buy Me Love days:
"Mentally, I never really wanted success until I was in my 30s. Quite honestly, I think I sabotaged myself in my 20s because I felt I was too young and didn't realize what was happening. But there was a time when I didn't think it was going to work out. Like, Wow, maybe that was the best period in my life."

Sweet dreams, kids.

I have to say, after reading this Reader's Digest interview with Angelina, I may look at her and Brad differently, and be a bit less critical of them.

Angie talks freely of wanting more kids(!), both biological and adopted, how Pax adjusted to his new life with the Joile-Pitts, how she and Brad can't wait to have a date night, and more. Here are some of the most revealing excerpts:

On hooking up with Brad:
I met this amazing person, and we realized we had very similar views on how we wanted to live our lives. It's happened quickly, with so many children. Yesterday, picking up the kids from school, Brad turned around in the car, and there were three of them. He couldn't stop laughing. We love them and are having a great time.

On getting pregnant with Shiloh:
Before I met Brad, I always said I was happy never to have a child biologically. He told me he hadn't given up that thought. Then, a few months after Z came home, I saw Brad with her and Mad, and I realized how much he loved them, that a biological child would not in any way be a threat. So I said, "I want to try."

On Brad as a dad:
He couldn't go with us to Vietnam to get Pax because he was working. But they got together very quickly. I think Pax, after seeing how much Zahara and Mad and Shi love Brad, understands that he's his daddy. Everybody seems to be safe in his arms. He makes everybody laugh. He helps everybody.

On their "alone time":
Right now, that's our problem! We hang out. We try to talk over the swing set. We'll have a date night once everybody is settled...we'll get them occupied with a movie and popcorn and try to run off and lock the door for a bit.

On how Brad loves her:
He encourages the right things. If I've had a full day and just really been a hands-on mom, he'll make a point to let me know that's something he's proud of. If I'm writing an Op-Ed, he's the first person to want to read the drafts. I could be dressed up in the sexiest outfit for a photo shoot, and by his behavior, he'll let me know that's nice, but it's nothing as sexy as when I'm home surrounded by the kids or reading books, educating myself. He slows me down to kind of get it right, to relax into the strength of my family and the love.

I was really touched by the connection Angie described, and maybe because I have my own family, I understand her a bit better now than I ever have before.

I think I learned a lesson today!

I like Cameron Diaz. I felt bad for her when Justin Timberlake dumped her, then reportedly started humping half of Hollywood. And I always stick up for her when someone calls her a butta face. So mean. I can't imagine calling another person ugly. Maybe in spirit (hello, Paris!), but not physically.

Back to Cam, I seriously wanted to give her a shot to her oft-broken nose when I read the obnoxious quote she gave to the Today Show's Meredith Vieira about how Hollywood is like high school and celebrities are "the popular kids."

I think it's hilariously funny because I actually have the opposite opinion. My friend Natalie and I have talked for hours about how celebs -- and Tom Cruise specifically -- couldn't possibly have been cool in high school. I mean, when was it ever cool to pump your fists in normal conversation? Attack people whose ideals and values aren't in line with yours? Look for mates who are like trophy prizes?

Anyway, Page Six reports that the the night before Cam's 7am Today Show visit, she was out until 4am partying, which may explain why she was off her game and talking crazy smack about how cool she thinks she is. My favorite part of the story was where Cameron was partying. The homecoming queen was at Box in NYC for a live R-rated sex show. A spy told Page Six the show was "two topless girls rubbing slime on each other and wrestling, followed by a simulated 'sex show' conducted behind a silk screen. Cameron was staring the whole time."

Bottom lining it, I think that when you're wellllll beyond your high school years, should you still be equating your life to the high school hierarchy? Should you be trying to convince people that you really are "popular"? To me, it just sounds like somebody who's living in the past.

Watch this clip from The Ellen Degeneres Show, as Carmen Electra tries to teach El some moves from her new book, How To Be Sexy.

Is there anyone funnier than Ellen? I just want her to come over to my house and by my friend.

The 39-year-old actress attended the university from 1986 to 1990, but left one credit short of graduating. She went on to become a movie star, appearing in flicks such as Kiss the Girls and De-Lovely. Despite her lack of a diploma, every year since during March Madness she's been at Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky -- wearing blue and white -- and rooting on her alma mater.

But Ash decided to tie up loose ends. The French major apparently took that one last class -- or school officials say she did a la every NCAA football player in college -- and received her diploma.

Congrats, Ash!

It's fortunate for InStyle Weddings that their cover girl, The Fast and the Furious star Jordana Brewster, actually did marry producer Andrew Form in the Caribbean this past weekend

The actress, who met her man on the set of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning in 2005, said they initially tried to keep their budding relationship under wraps.

We started dating in secret – you know, hanging out in my trailer – because it would have been unprofessional otherwise," Jordana told the mag. "But every day, Andrew wore these work boots to the set, and if I was lying down in the shot or there was equipment in the way, I'd look for his shoes. It was comfortable just to know he was nearby."

Awww! Jordana donned a Vera Wang gown for their wedding on the island of Nevis which, no doubt, complimented her 3.2-carat emerald-cut diamond and platinum engagement ring. Congrats!

"I am a loyal girlfriend and a good friend. I hadn't spoken to Heather in quite a few months when Richie and I got together. I wasn't her best friend who said, 'By the way, I'm sleeping with your husband.'"

--- Denise Richards, to OK! magazine, on hooking up with former best friend Heather Locklear's ex-hubby, Richie Sambora.

Are Johnny Depp and long-time girlfriend (and mother of his kids), Vanessa Paradis, planning to tie the knot? So says the U.K.'s Daily Mail.

Since Johnny's daughter, Lily Rose, was hospitalized in March for E. Coli poisoning, the couple have been tighter than ever.

"Johnny and Vanessa have one of the strongest relationships in Hollywood but after their daughter was taken ill the family became an even closer-knit unit," said a friend. "They have talked about marriage on and off for a long time but the recent emotional roller-coaster they have had to endure seems to have spurred them into action."

The lovebirds, who live in the south of France, have been together for eight years and now seem to have the ball rolling for a wedding, sooner than later.

"We understand they will marry this summer. Villagers thought they would wed in the church here but we now hear that they have a little chapel in the grounds of their home," a source told the paper. "It would make sense they would celebrate there because they don't like drawing attention to themselves. The whole reason they live here is because they like the quiet life."

Such romance! A private chapel in France, with their kids and Johnny as the groom? That's what I call a dream wedding.

Jennifer Lopez has hired a whole slew of new security people since receiving letters from an animal rights activist, threatening to "kill her in public, just like the slaughtered animals whose fur she wears."

Okay, everybody just calm down.

Apparently Jen wasn't that upset by the letters that have been showing up in her mailbox for the last month or so, but her hubby, Marc Anthony, is not so comfortable.

"He has hired two off-duty police officers, in addition to her usual security team, to watch over Lopez whenever she makes public appearances," says a Lopez/Anthony friend.

PETA gave this statement to The Daily News:

"All violence is wrong. But J.Lo needs to stop the real violence she promotes and subsidizes rather than give herself extra protection she doesn't need."

Jen's rep denies she's beefed up security.

Whether or not you think La Lopez should rock the furs, isn't there enough violence in the world? And if you're all about animal life rights, why would you threaten to kill someone?

Yesterday I was all bent out of shape because Dina Lohan snagged a red carpet gig with Entertainment Tonight. Today -- not so much, after Page Six's report the DiLo asked Jane Fonda one too many stupid questions.

Right out of the box Dina asked Jane, "So, what was it like working with my daughter?"

Um, Jane told Access Hollywood during filming, "Lindsay's so young and she's so alone out there in the world in terms of structure and, you know, people to nurture her."

After Dina's first question "visibly upset" Jane, Dina went for another angle and asked, "It's so hard for young stars today with the paparazzi and press - do you have any advice for my daughter?" A witness said Jane seemed "taken aback and appalled not just by Dina being on the carpet but by the questions," and snapped, "If you screw it up now, you don't get another chance!"

Then Jane stormed off!

Love it! Jane proved she could eat Dina for breakfast. Linds' mom should really stick to, um, whatever else it is that she does.

"It's like high school. As celebrities we're sort of like the popular kids. Everybody wants to know our business."

--- Cameron Diaz, to Today's Meredith Vieira, on all the talk of her and Justin sharing a peck on the red carpet for the "Shrek the Third" premiere

The following is a transcript of a voicemail that the Beatles producer left for his ex Dorothy Melvin. Dot testified earlier this week that Phil, on trial for allegedly murdering actress Lana Clarkson, pulled a gun on her and tried to rape her three times 14 years ago. He also left her a series of bizarre VMs like this:

Sorry I'm late calling, chief, but I had some trouble with my nipple ring. Um, don't worry about the competition. Let the competition worry about you. All right, I cannot be replaced by a machine, unless it learns to uh, drink, f--k, [inaudible], right. Okay, keep smiling Dorothy, uh, but no so much that you begin to wonder if you're mentally f--king unbalanced. And I expect a return call, but be very careful of what you say to me, because nothing you say to me is worth your life. Goodbye, Dorothy!

Clearly the guy is a madman, which is the point. But I was more shocked about the reference to the 67-year-old, 'fro loving freakazoid having "trouble" with his nipple ring.

It caused me to eat my lunch twice today.

If you've been a part of the Sanjaya-filled season of Idol, check out this YouTube video that made me laugh.

iVillage writer Lori Latusek interviewed Felicity about the movie, which opens Friday, if you want to check it out. Lindsay is skipping the press line at events since reports of the alleged cocaine scandal.

If Brad and Angelina thought moving to Prague for a while would give them some privacy they now know they were sorely mistaken.

Angie was miserable when a photographer snapped a photo of her bathing her brood the other night. The paparazzi caught a break when a shade in to Brangelina's bathroom was pulled up just enough for him to catch the intimate moment between the mom and her kids.

“She was livid,” a source tells Us Weekly. “Angelina felt so sick and so violated, she was shouting and crying and shaking.”

The family is in the Czech city while Angelina films her new flick, Wanted.

The paparazzi sleeps for no one, nowhere.

Go, Ricki! Go, Ricki! Go, Ricki!

Admittedly, I was a big Ricki Lake fan back in the 90's when she had her own talk show. My friends and I would gather in our suite room, in good 'ol Irving Hall, and settle in for whatever antics Ricki's guests were about to take part in. A frat boy friend of ours, Taco Tom (he ate a lot of Taco Bell), was actually in love with the Rickster. And she was not 123 pounds back then.

Taco will be salivating now when he gets a look at Ricki's new bod on the cover of this week's Us Weekly. The mom of two talks about her struggles with her once 250 pound frame and how she's managed to squeeze herself into a size 4 without surgery.

I'll say it again- Go, Ricki! Go, Ricki! Go, Ricki!

What are the details on this shocking story, you ask?

Well, Tom, who was on probation for a 2004 drug offense, was picked up by police yesterday morning after an associate of his reportedly got into an altercation with an employee of a hotel. Tom's bud was also arrested after police found a "narcotic smoking pipe" on him. It went downhill for Tommy Boy when cops searched a car he was sitting in and found two bags of crystal meth and pipes.

Dude's got a long rap sheet -- in October 2004, he was convicted of methamphetamine possession. The following year, his probation was revoked after he admitted to faking a drug test by using a prosthetic penis! Tom then tested positive for drug use in January 2006 - he was given three years probation and ordered to submit to weekly drug tests.

Oh yeah, and In 2003, he was found guilty of beating his ex-girlfriend, Heidi Fleiss.

If you've ever seen his show "Shooting Sizemore" these actions are from surprising. What is shocking, however, is that he somehow continues to wake up in the morning.

That 70's Show star Laura Prepon and her long-time boyfriend, Chris Masterson, have called it quits. The twosome met through Laura's costar Danny (who played the delicious Hyde on the now-defunct show), who is Chris' brother, and had been dating since 2000.

Laura was apparently throwing out the "I'm single" vibe at the Polaroid/Stuff Magazine party in Kentucky on Friday night.

Burn!

Is that a green-eyed monster? Oh, no, it's just Kevin Federline dissing Brit's new man, Howie Day. Believe it or not, Kev had the nerve to insinuate that her rumored new boy toy does not quite measure up to the stellar human being he claims to be.

“When Kevin heard they had a sleepover at her house, everyone wanted to know about it,” a source tells Star rag. “He lit up a cigarette and said he guessed you have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab.”

That's cold, Kev!

Not that we disagree. Howie doesn't have the best track record and the circumstances in which he and Smitney met leave something to be desired, but there's an old saying about people living in glass houses and me thinks Kevin should relax with the stone-throwing.

I'm starting to hate Dina Lohan more than her offspring.

Page Six is reporting that the wanna-be star made a deal with Entertainment Tonight to work last night's red carpet premiere of Lindsay's new flick, Georgia Rule. Dina was hired to do interviews with the cast, which is particularly convenient, since Lindsay won't want to be answering any questions regarding her latest drug scandal.

ET is psyched because they can advertise having the "Lindsay Exclusive". A spokeswoman for the show told Page Six: "Dina Lohan will be a special correspondent for the 'Georgia Rule' premiere. We are looking forward to Dina asking the questions only a mother can."

And Dina is psyched because girl can punch in for a few more seconds on her "famous-by-association" time clock.

I may start my own Paris-like petition, asking the world to remove these two women from existence.

With the help of the jumbotron that projected "Selita will you marry me?", the Victoria's Secret model accepted the 12-carat diamond ring from the Drumline star, after they attended the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Gala.

"They got engaged last night," Ebanks's agent, Chris Gay of Women Model Management told PEOPLE Tuesday. "He took her to Times Square last night and did it in the center of Times Square. Then they had a party after the Met Gala to celebrate. The two of them flew to L.A. late last night because both are working."

Congrats to Nick and Selita!

In the latest all-Paris-all-the-time news, desperation had pushed the heiress to turn to Ah-nald for a little help.

The pathetic loser has posted a message on her MySpace page, begging anyone and everyone to help her get out of her 45-day jail sentence.

"My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!"

Obviously the utter distress is taking its toll on her spelling ability.

The petition, directed to one Cali Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, asks that Paris be pardoned! "I urge all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice to sign this petition," she writes.

I'm pretty much out of words on this situation. You?

Paris showed up Monday night at attorney Robert Shapiro's "Sober Day USA" with sis Nicky and publicist Elliot Mintz, who "resigned" after Paris' jail sentence was handed down.

So why was Elliot hanging with Paris if he no longer works for her?

"The rumors of our professional separation were overexaggerated," he told Us Weekly, and at least for now, he's back repping the heiress.

So if Elliot is back in Paris' camp why would he let her go out to the clubs after the "Sober Day" event. Am I missing something? Shouldn't she should be home brushing up on her lock-down lingo and getting a taste for bread and water?

Just last week she was ragging on British actors, claiming Hollywood just likes them because of their accents, and now she's bitching about being compared, physically, to someone pretty like Paris Hilton.

Now before you go and get all "I wouldn't want to be compared to Paris either!" on me, be realistic. Chloe was told she was "sexier" than the soon-to-be-inmate. Her response?

“Well, I don’t find trashy sexy, so I’ll try to take that as a compliment,” she said.

Take it as BIG, BIG compliment, Chloe.

The "Big Love" star also revealed that her mom wishes she was more like Ashlee Simpson.

“She’s really perky, isn’t she?” Chloe asked a journalist. “My mom always wishes I was perky. ‘Can’t you be more bubbly, Chloe, more animated?’ No, sorry...”

How about faking it? Could you fake being personable once in a while, Chloe? No? Okay.

Rosie O' Donnell: Come on down! You're the newest name in the competition to replace Bob Barker.

Yes, our beloved Rosie, who will be taking her big mouth off The View at the end of this season, is said to be in the running for the job of new host of The Price is Right. Word is that Ro would love to help little old ladies spin the big wheel, and that the producers of TPIR are not so happy with the other names currently up for the job.

I had heard that Dancing With the Stars' John O' Hurley was the front runner, with the likes of George Hamilton, Mark Steines, Todd Newton and Mario Lopez (what?) also being considered.

One (of many, I'm sure) person not so happy with the thought of Rosie giving away years of free turtle wax? Retiring pencil-thin microphone holder, Bob Barker. He is "adamant that Rosie not get the gig," sources say.

I kinda think she would be good. But really, as long as there's Plinko, I'll be watching.

The other shoe has finally dropped for Usher's mom, Jonetta Patton. Last week there was all this upsetting speculation that the singer was going to dump his mom as his manager, because his new bossy fiance, Tameka Foster, wasn't happy with the control Jonetta had over her man.

Well, the NY Daily News is reporting this morning that Usher went ahead and, indeed, gave his mom the axe.

"This is great for me," said the singer, "because it means I now get to have my mother strictly as my mother, with no added pressure."

Can anyone else hear Tameka cracking that whip?

Last night was the Costume Institute Gala at the Met in Manhattan and the list of Hollywood leading ladies on the red carpet read like a who's who list. From the Oscar winners and prime-time TV darlings to the Hollywood hellions, all the biggest stars were working the red carpet. Instead of listening to my critique of stars (as expected, a big thumbs down to Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Simpson, Claire Danes and Scarlett Johansson), I'd love it if you'd play critic and vote on the best and worst in my 2007 Costume Institute Gala slide show.

Start the slide show>>>

"I think I get in more trouble just because of who I am... The cops do it all the time. They'll just pull me over to hit on me. It's really annoying. They're like, 'What's your phone number? Want to go to dinner?' "

-- Paris Hilton to Harper's Bazaar in their June issue

Blech! Blah! Puke! Ick! Uck! Yuck! Just go away, Parass!

This is the second go-round at marriage for Neve, who is divorced from some guy named Jeff Colt and dated John Cusack for a super long time. Here's hoping for many years of happiness... and that her horrible boycut grows back superfast.

Suzy called it -- here's Ty Pennington's apology for his stupidity:

"I made an error in judgment. We all make mistakes, however this is about accountability. Under no circumstances should anyone consume alcohol while driving. I could have jeopardized the lives of others and I am grateful there was no accident or harm done to anyone. This was my wake-up call. I also want to apologize to my fans, ABC Television and my design team for my lapse in judgment and the embarrassment I have caused."

He'd better say sorry to his design team -- and plan on feeding their families when their show gets cancelled.

The latest celebrity to join the Celebrity Jailbirds Club is Extreme Makeover: Home Edition's overcaffeniated Ty Pennington. According to TMZ.com, he was arrested early Saturday morning in Hell-A on suspicion of being under the influence of alcohol and drugs while driving.

He was arrested and released. No public apology let. Expect it soon... he does work for Disney.

More: Play the Celebrity Matchmaker: Star Mug Shots game

Remember: Brittany has called off two engagements in the last couple years. (The most recent one ended last summer.) And this is the first anybody has heard or seen of this sweaty screenwriter "boyfriend." I hope it lasts, but I'm not hopeful.

I blame Ashton Kutcher for dumping Brittany for Demi Moore. Girl's never quite been the same -- in the movies or in love.

According to People.com, Kevin Costner and his wife, Christine, have a new son. Cayden Wyatt arrived Sunday, weighing in at 7 lbs, 14 oz. And for those of you who really care, the baby has dark hair. No word on whether or not Wyatt is a nod to Kevin's film Wyatt Earp.

This is the fifth child for Kevin, who has three grown children with his ex-wife and a 10-year-old from a relationship with some heiress lady.

Kevin and Christine got hitched in 2004. On their honeymoon, he famously masturbated while getting a massage. Classy fella.

According to Us Weekly, the Clueless star has married her screenwriter boyfriend, Simon Monjack.

The couple were partying at the Kentucky Derby this weekend, both wearing wedding rings that they asked photographers not to take pictures of. They said they were planning on making the big announcement Monday morning.

“They were dancing in the V.I.P. section and around DJ Reach’s booth. They looked very excited, happy and jovial," a witness said.

Brit has already broken two engagements in the past, so maybe she thought she would just skip that part this time.

Together. They are moving to a new house -- together.

Tom, who has been renting a Beverly Hills home for the last few years, has bought a simple $35 million estate in the same area, for himself, Katie and Suri. The "traditional-style home" has seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a pool, and tennis court, and sits on 1.3 acres that you won't ever see, because they are behind big, big gates. The couple plan to move in July.

Lucky for the Cruises, best buds David and Victoria Beckham's new Cali home is just a hop, skip, and a jump from their new digs. I'm seeing Game Nights galore!

Her flick, Spider-man 3, which really stars Tobey Maguire and Topher Grace, opened this weekend and shattered records. The web-slinging film netted (ha!) an estimated $148 million in its first weekend in theaters.

148 million dollars! That's more than the Oscar-winning film, The Departed, made in its entire run. Spider-Man 3 moved past the former weekend record-holder, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, which grossed $135.6 million last July. And it spanked its previous 2 installments, Spider-Man 2 ($88.2 million) and the original Spider-Man ($114.8 million).

I was too busy getting my party on for Cinco de Mayo to stop and have some popcorn with Spidey and friends. So tell me, is it worth the hype?

Britney hit the House of Blues in Vegas Sunday night for more of her "Shortest Concert Ever" tour. It was much of the same from the three previous shows --- lip-synching to the same songs, with the same dancers, in the same costumes.

According to X-17, who has video of the Sin City show, the audience loved every tiny minute of Brit on stage and was sad to see her go.

I'm already so over this tour and I'm ready to hear her new album. Then I will make my decision if I'm happy she's back in my life or not.

"When I did Pirates 2 and I caught a cold on the plane over to start filming for my first day, everyone was there: Geoffrey Rush, Johnny, Orlando - and I was kind of intimidated because I caught this cold and I could hardly speak. Orlando was really sweet, he came up to me and gave me all this cough syrup - and I was like, 'Yeah, you're the hotter one.'"

--- Naomie Harris, to the Daily News, on which of her Pirates co-stars is hotter, Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom

You know if Paris is going to jail somebody is out of a job. And that somebody happens to be her now former rep Elliot Mintz.

In court on Friday, Paris claimed that she and Elliot misunderstood each other regarding the details of her probation, which ultimately led up to her 45 day sentence, set to begin on Suzy's favorite day, June 5th. TMZ contact Paris' lackey and here's what he had to say:

"The day after the hearing, I sent an e-mail expressing my sadness over the ruling of the judge and the irrational sentence he imposed. In that e-mail I also offered my sincerest apology for any misunderstanding she received from me regarding the terms of her probation. To the extent that I have miscommunicated information I received from her attorneys......I am deeply and profoundly sorry. I told her that I assume personal responsibility for my part in this matter. I believe when stated in court that she believed it was o.k. for her to drive under certain circumstances she was being absolutely truthful. Due to this misunderstanding, I am no longer representing Paris. For the record, I have nothing but love and respect for Paris and her family. Paris is a wonderful person and does not deserve the punishment that was handed down by the court. I only wish her my best."

Where is this man's backbone? Paris is an adult with excellent hearing, and should have listened when the judge described the parameters of her probation. This Paris pity party in on my last nerve.

What's that sound? The sound of Larry Birkhead blowing Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead's fortune.

Here's the daddy of the year at the Kentucky Derby on Saturday. Clearly he was very emotional about returning to the place where he met Anna Nicole Smith and the magic happened. Or not.

Clearly someone explained the Facts of Life to Kim Fields.

According to People.com, the former child star gave birth to a baby boy on Friday. She named him Sebastian Alexander Morgan, but he will be called Sam. He weighed in at 6 lbs., 4 oz. and was 19" long.

This is the first star kiddie for Kim and her boyfriend, Broadway actor Christopher Morgan. The couple is engaged and has been together "a couple of years."

And because I can’t get the friggin Facts of Life theme song out of my head, I’m going to close out with a few lines. (Imagine me try to sing... horribly.)

Step aside, Kate Moss! A new star is at the center of a cocaine scandal and her name is... Lindsay Lohan.

Over the weekend, News of the World printed photos of Lindsay supposedly getting up close and personal with her stash of blow in the bathroom of Teddy's nightclub in Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. (I say supposedly because the pictures are grainier than a bowl of punch at a frat party.) The photos were taken 20 days after she was released from a drug and alcohol treatment facility. But the kicker -- for me, at least -- was Lindsay reportedly boasting about all the Hollywood fellas she's bedded. At one point she is said to have said: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to f*** Jude Law."

Some highlights from her "friend" who sold her out, releasing a video of their bumpy night:

Hmmm... I wonder why he didn't tell me when I was three feet away from him the other night.

Makes. My. Day.

Paris Hilton has been sentenced to jail, friends -- and I'm sitting here at my desk having a great big cackle over it.

According to TMZ.com, Paris was sentenced to 45 days in L.A. County jail for violating her probation in a reckless driving case. Here's what they say went down:

An emotional Paris, with tears welling up in her eyes, told the judge moments before the decision "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Witnesses inside the courtroom say that Paris' parent, Rick and Kathy Hilton, were both visibly upset as the sentence was handed down. Kathy, we're told, was especially distraught.

Paris will begin to serve her sentence on June 5, which is now my favorite day ever.

Prosecutors announced earlier this week that they were asking the judge to sentence heiress Paris to 45 days in jail for allegedly violating the terms of her probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving conviction.

I so want to see the bitch in orange. It will like so totally not be her color.

According to People.com, Lindsay was spotted in the balcony at the House of Blues in West Hollywood last night, which was the third and reportedly last night of Brit's not-so hush-hush comeback tour.

Also in attendance? Papa Joe Simpson, who reportedly wants to manage the unmanageable Britster, and The Hills' Whitney, who is perhaps one of the leggiest broads I've ever seen in my life.

As for Britney's big show, it was exactly like the previous two. She came on wearing some belly outfit, lip-synced for 15 minutes and called it a night.

Ain't showbiz great?

I used to really like Felicity Huffman. Now, all of a sudden, she loves Lindsay Lohan, and I'm rethinking my admiration for her.

The actresses play mother and daughter in the new film Georgia Rule, and Felicity is quite the fan of Lindsay -- personally and professionally.

"To me, Lindsay was a complete and utter delight. The minute I met her I just loved her. She meets you with an open heart and wide-open eyes and gets right in there. She cares about the work. She throws herself in, 100 percent," she tells Parade magazine. "I just adored her. She's fantastic in the movie. It doesn't get any better than what she did. Brilliant."

Wow! Quite the opposite thinking of Felicity's hubby, William H. Macy, who had to endure Lindsay's diva behavior on the set on Bobby.

"You can't show up late," Will told reporters at a Los Angeles junket promoting his movie, Everyone's Hero. "It's very, very disrespectful." Asked about Linds' work on the Emilio Estevez film, Will paused and said, "She was pretty late."

Maybe I'll be a William H. Macy fan.

"Everyone I know smokes weed. Everybody thinks I'm the guy who knows where the good weed is...I actually do!"

--- My boyfriend, CSI hottie Gary Dourdan, to the new issue of Philadelphia magazine

Dave's rep says he asked his kid to tape him so he could get a good idea of how he acts while he's inebriated. Last night, per Extra, Hoff gave this statement:

"I am a recovering alcoholic. Despite that I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work. I have been successfully dealing with my issue. Unfortunately … I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my children, who were concerned for my well-being, there was a tape made when I had a relapse to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. … I have learned from [the tape], and I am back on my game."

Just sad.

Lindsay Lohan recently said that she "hates sleeping alone," so perhaps she was just hoping to get a good night's sleep after the Coachella festival last week.

Radaronline.com says Lindsay was trying desperately to flirt with Arctic Monkeys' Alex Turner at the music festival, who paid no attention to the starlet. Never one to give up easily, Linds moved on to another rocker -- Klaxons' James Righton. Lindsay enlisted her bodyguard as the matchmaker, but even after a night of text messaging, and an invite from LiLo to go back to her place for a nightcap, the lonely Lindsay couldn't close the deal.

Just get a big body pillow, Linds -- you're too wasted to really know the difference, anyway.

I bet Paris is psyched that she gets to put on her "big girl clothes" today, as she is scheduled to make an appearance in L.A. Superior Court where prosecutors will try and get the princess 45 days in the slammer.

Paris, who pleaded no contest last January to alcohol-related reckless driving, was on probation when she was pulled over. She signed a document acknowledging she was not allowed to drive. Then, in February, the dim-wit was pulled over again. She claimed she didn't know she wasn't allowed to drive.

In addition to jail time, lawyers want Paris sober for 90 days and are requesting the heiress wear, horror of horrors, an ankle tracking device!

Don't they know that will seriously throw off all of her previous outfit planning?

But, oh, the parties that will be thrown if Paris goes to jail! I can see the invites now. They'll be all pink and furry, with black and white stripes, smelling from just a hint of the finest champagne.

Ooooh! I love a party!

"If I wanted people to know what I do with my vagina I would have released a sex video a long time ago."

--- the very classy Michelle Rodriguez, on her website, regarding being "outed" by Curve magazine.

Batting next for Team TomKat; Jada Pinkett-Smith...

A good friend to Tom and Katie, Jada tells People.com that Katie is quite content with her life as Mrs. Cruise, and denies that the former Creeker is Tom's puppet.

"People think Tom and the Church of Scientology got something on Kate? They don't," she said. "Kate is running her own show. And she's a great mother. Her kids — Connor, Bella, Suri — are dynamic children and are extremely happy. And her husband is very, very happy."

Jada tells the mag, that Kate may look all sweet and passive, but, in reality, she's "a tigress".

"It burns my soul — I see her in the house with Tom; he doesn't have that on her! ... Let me tell you: Kate ain't no little wimpy kitty cat."

And as much as you all want to believe that Katie has a computer chip in her back, much like that creepy little girl from Small Wonder, Will's wife says the tabloid stories are all fiction.

"[It's amazing] how people want to focus on `She's tied up in the basement and he throws steaks to her at night and she gets to see Suri only on Sundays.' It's ridiculous."

We never said he throws steaks at her! Chicken, maybe...

I think I'm just fascinated by her costumes. Monday was the belly roll outfit and last night was this fright fest. And are any of you wondering how she keeps her wig on when she's jumping all over the place? I'm hoping for a wig malfunction. And one more thing that's been bugging me... Why the House of Blues? Of all the venues, those are the places she's staging her big comeback? It doesn't exactly scream new and exciting to me. You?

Get over it, people -- Keira Knightley says she's just skinny!

She's not anorexic and not on the Nicole Richie-diet, she's just thin. The actress told the British Elle that she was devastated by the reports that insinuated she had an eating disorder and put her in the category with the other waif-like celebrities.

"When all that blew up, I felt terrible," she told the mag. "It appeared that I were promoting something when I absolutely was not. I am thin because that's what I am, and I was thinner at that point because of the work I do. Nothing else."

In January, just after she completed filming the final installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean triology, photos were taken of her and published in The Daily Mail, along with an article implying she lied about having anorexia. Keira sued the paper.

"I had lost weight," she says. "We were filming in searing temperatures and shooting fight scenes in which you were wearing a wetsuit underneath a load of corsets, fighting with heavy weights in the water. Can you imagine a more advanced cardio workout than that done hour after hour?"

She had even gone as far as to ask her doctor how to gain weight. He basically told her to follow my personal health plan -- eat junk, throw back some brewskies and don't exercise. Surprisingly, Keira was against that.

"He told me that for someone of my body type to get to a [European] size 12, I would have to eat a lot of sh-- food, stop exercising and drink loads," she says. "But I don't want to have to go 'round eating crap and being really unhealthy in order for people to stop having a go at me."

She says she may even quit acting over this.

"I can see myself in five years or whatever just giving the whole thing up. I made a decision recently that I want a life instead."

Okay, fine. Jeez, go and be skinny. More Corona for me.

Maybe Tony Bennett's flu wasn't the reason he bowed out of performing on American Idol last month.

Tony tells the U.K.'s Time Out that he and Simon had words about the treatment of the young contestants.

“I had it out with Simon (Cowell) when I met him and suggested that he should open up tiny clubs across the countries so the kids could break in and learn properly,” the legend told the mag. “He said, ‘Oh I haven’t got time for that, I’m too busy making money!’”

Simon never claimed to want to school children on how to break into the business -- he's looking for America's next big star, plain and simple. And those kids have the life.

I have go with Team Simon on this one. And that's not just because I'm a little bit in love with him.

I swear.

For last night's results and more Idol blabber, check out my buds at TV Cocktail.

"I think Hollywood is a little too enamored with British actors, or people with accents. They think they are more master thespians than their American counterparts."

--- American actress, Chloe Sevigny, who then ordered a table for "Bitter, party of one."

Could Paris have found her soulmate?

Sources are saying that the heiress' latest boy toy, Josh Henderson, is in love -- with himself!

"Everyone in Los Angeles is just calling him 'Paris Boy,' " said a Page Six source. "No one really knows his name, but he walks around acting like he's God's gift."

The kid's not stupid. All he has to do is date the dummy for a while, maybe give her a ring, then have a big public breakup and he'll be a celeb forever. If he plays his cards right he'll have a story or two to tell and maybe even a sex tape.

Ah, young love!

...Isaiah Washington is appearing in public service ads for the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).

Right? Nobody is going to believe that this idiot is sincere.

In related news, Pete Doherty is the new face of an anti-drug campaign geared towards penguins.

I never took Usher for one of those guys that falls for a girl and loses sight of all that's important to him.

The six-packed star has always been a Mama's Boy, keeping his mom on as his manager even when he made it big. Enter the fiancee, Tameka Foster, a stylist that left her hubby after, ahem, working with Usher. Sources say that the Mrs.-to-be- is encouraging her man to get rid of his mom, Jonetta, as manager and let his new lady take over. Seems there's a little tug-of-war going on for the man's affections.

"They definitely don't get along," a spy tells the Daily News. "Tameka came to Jonetta's birthday on April 6. They hugged and posed for photos, but it was all for the cameras."

Before they were dating, and Tameka was just "working" for the singer, Jonetta encouraged her son to fire the stylist. Tam then went on the radio and said some not-so-nice about her future mom-in-law.

"Tameka has a hold over him," says one friend. "Nobody can figure it out."

Mother's Day might not be all flowers and candy this year.

Jennifer Esposito and Bradley Cooper have ended their four-month marriage.

Longer than Britney's first marriage, but shorter than her second.

BTW: That's my new way to measure the success of Hollywood marriages. Celebs rarely pass the two year mark. Pathetic.

Am I missing something here with People's cover story touting Rachael Ray's "Recipe for Marriage"?

Just last year Rach's horndog husband was outed for having an kinky affair with a woman -- over a five year period -- whom he paid to spit on him, rub her bare feet in his face and a bunch of other fetish things. And Rachael is the authority on having a successful marriage?

Pass!

Meow! Angelina Jolie was like a cat in heat last week, when witnesses say Brad's girl was partying with her former fling Olivier Martinez.

Angie, who was in NYC for the Tribeca Film Festival, made the rounds at an VIP afterparty before steaming up the windows for Olivier.

“She turned to him on the banquette and was shaking it in front of him. She was giving him a lap dance, ” another reveler tells Us. “She was looking over her shoulder, tossing a glance his way.”

As another partygoer describes it, “It was very, very flirty.”

Someone who felt the need to defend the mother of the year said, “When she is with someone she knows, she might appear to be flirtatious, but it’s just affection."

How do you think Brad is going to feel about her "affection" for Olivier?

Whelp, some things never change!

Here's your weekly Us update:

Vanessa Minnillo is on the cover, and sources dish all about her blissful relationship with Nick Lachey, and their future plans.

“She’s confident that he’ll do it when the time is right. They want to try out the living-together thing and if it goes well – which it will – he’ll pop the question. I think he very much believes this is it.”

Of course, there's all kinds of other celebrity-laden articles, which get me through the day. Check out the new issue.

Is Pamela Anderson finally over her DRS (Dirty Rocker Syndrome)?

The Baywatch babe has been out and about with a new beau, San Diego Charger David Binn. And by "out and about" I mean out -- in Russia. The new loves took quite the cultural tour of St. Petersburg, checking out museums and the ballet.

"He's exactly how I wanted my man to be," Pam told Ok!. "He's very strong and very calm. I am such a crazy person, and with Dave, I can relax."

Could it have taken her any longer to figure that out?

Ten bucks says she's back with Tommy by June.

Remember when Danny Devito went on The View still drunk from his night out with George Clooney? The funny little man caused a little chaos with the ladies and even sat on Rosie's lap. Danny blamed "that seventh limoncello" for his intoxicated behavior, but it looks like the bender paid off.

Introducing Danny DeVito's Premium Limoncello Liqueur.

The actor debuted his new libation at the Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of America convention in Orlando on Tuesday and he says it's "best limoncello you ever tasted."

I'll be the judge of that!

Can you smell that? That's the smoke pouring out of Beyonce's ears.

The Daily News heard from the original Queen of Soul's friends that Jennifer Hudson is the front-runner to play Aretha Franklin in the stage adaptation of her Highness' life.

I think Jen would be fabulous as a young Aretha. The problem is that she thinks so too. With the whole Oscar thing in her pocket, Jennifer is not the picture of humility these days. She definitely has talent, but I'm pretty sure the public is already sick of her.

There's always whisperings that Matt Perry is dating one person or another -- Gilmore Girl Lauren Graham, Lizzy Caplan from The Class, etc.

Pssst! Here's another.

Rush and Malloy say that Matt and "Coyote Ugly" babe Piper Perabo were all hugged up at the Cadillac Tribeca Film Festival party for his movie "Numb" at the Maritime Hotel in NYC.

"They were on a couch holding hands and he was rubbing her back," said a witness. "She snuck into the movie after everyone was seated, then arrived with him at the party but wouldn't take pictures."

Maybe this one will last longer than a minute -- I'd really love to see Matt settle down.

Venue: House of Blues
The Look: Black wig, white, pleated mini-skirt
Length of set: 14 whole minutes
Highlights: Brit lip-synched to some of her biggest hits, including "...Baby One More Time" and "Toxic", complete with costume changes, back up dancers and special effects.

Fans went wild.

Word on the street is that Britney will be doing her thing at several other House of Blues locations in the next week.

The girl's going to be bigger than before. Trust.

Nice gesture... I think.

David Hasselhoff definitely loves himself a tad more than most of us, but was he an abusive husband?

Outside a court hearing today, regarding David's divorce from his ex-wife, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff told reporters that the former Knight Rider was not always the picture of heroism while they were married.

"There is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and if I didn't have a restraining order there would be physical abuse."

Pam's lawyer, former Larry Birkhead rep, Debri Opri , also chimed in that the Hoff was hitting the bottle hard while he was with Pam and that contributed to the problems in the marriage.

David's rep fired back: "Mr. Hasselhoff continues to fulfill his obligations to his former wife and their children and as a result they continue to maintain the same lifestyle they were accustomed to. Unfortunately, his ex-wife continues to use the press and the children as a tool to present herself as a victim. She has had no less than nine sets of attorneys who have all let her go due to the inconsistency of her behavior."

And David gave this honey-coated statement to TMZ, "I have the respect of my daughters and my fans and most importantly my self respect. I will continue to keep my personal life private for the sake of moving on and living a happy life with my children."

He's definitely a little crazy, and I can sort of see him losing his mind and going all Michael Knight on her ass, yelling into his watch for her to bring him a beer.

Look at lots of celebs in their bathing suits -- and wish you were on vacation too -- in Star Snapshots: Your Daily Dose of Celebrity Eye Candy.

Introducing... the Hollywood Life blog. Each day, iVillage's party girl, Kimmy Ratican, is going to take readers behind the velvet ropes in Tinseltown, reporting in from hot events like fashion shows, movie premieres and set visits -- or just sharing good old celebrity sightings. (Don't miss her first one about yummy Michael Vartan!)

So check out Hollywood Life -- bookmark it, visit often, love it.

I already do.

I've had a huge fascination with Sarah ever since her Square Pegs days, but she officially entered the Tracy Hall of Fame when I saw her in Girls Just Want To Have Fun. My BFF Karen and I watched that movie at least once a weekend while we were in high school and I still stop whatever I am doing when it's on TBS now. Karen and I still quote from it constantly, "And I love to Dance" , and I still have my copy of the soundtrack -- it's a record.

Obviously I'm psyched that Sarah's new clothing line hits stores on June 7th. And much like Madonna's H&M line, we'll be able to afford it!

"It's a very different philosophy of shopping. It's the first and only time I've wanted to design," the actress told the new issue of Glamour. "It's a way of giving women without financial means access to good, simple, well-made clothes to feel proud of."

Though unlike Madge's line, and some of the other recent celebrity designers, SJP's clothes are geared towards the everyday woman.

"Madonna's line for H&M is extremely directional, provocative and sexy. I don't know J. Lo's line as well, but I know that it's much more trendy than Bitten. L.A.M.B. by Gwen Stefani is much more avant-garde, definitely high fashion. But I don't want to do that for women, because that's not really their lives."

Thank you, Sarah, for getting it. And for being such and inspiration to me and Karen. Our backflips certainly would not be half as good today if it hadn't been for you and DTV.

The action hero opens up about the close relationship he still has with ex-wife, Demi Moore, and her new hottie hubby, Ashton Kutcher.

"It's hard for people to understand, but we go on holidays together," he says of his "extended family". "We still raise our kids together – we still have that bond," says Bruce, who recently vacationed with Ashton and Demi at his home on Parrot Cay, on the Turks and Caicos islands. "Demi is the mother of my children and Ashton is the stepfather of my children," he says. "I'm thrilled that Ashton turned out to be such a great guy. I love Demi, and I know she loves me."

As for rumors that he's dating, well, just about everyone in Hollywood, from Perfect Stranger co-star Tamara Feldman to Courtney Love to Renee Zellewegger, Bruce says it's just talk.

"I bumped into her at a restaurant the other night and I talked to her for about five minutes," he says of Renee. "And the next thing I know, I was dating her. Not that it's ridiculous – she's a beautiful woman. And Renee Zellweger's incredibly talented."

Though Bruce doesn't have many complaints when it comes to the tabloids talking smack about him.

"They're not writing about guys my age much anymore – unless I do something naughty," he says, no doubt with that signature Bruce smirk.

When you tune in to Ellen today and she's lying in bed, it's not one her silly shticks. The funny lady hurt her back over the weekend, when she bent down to pick up her dog.

"I felt a tear," El said, in the show airing Tuesday. "I tore a ligament and did something to something else. That's what happened and they said that I'm not able to sit, to move or to do anything."

Her doctors placed her on bedrest so, never the slacker, Ellen moved her bed to the stage. She will be interviewing the likes of Ryan Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan from the horizontal position.

"This is not a sweeps stunt or anything like that," she joked. "This is not like what Regis (Philbin) did – that whole bypass surgery."

Get well soon, Ellen. You're a trooper!

Courtney Love is finally cleaning house -- literally. The widow of the former Nirvana frontman has decided to sell most of the grunge rocker's belongings.

"I'm going to have a Christie's auction," the rocker told Spinner.com. "[My house] is like a mausoleum."

Wondering if she checked with their daughter, Frances Bean, before offering the items to strangers?

"My daughter doesn't need to inherit a giant ... bag full of flannel ... shirts," says Courtney. "A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to '[Smells Like] Teen Spirit' — that's what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just ... sell."

Her friends seem to think this is a good step in helping Court continue to heal.

"Everyone's been positive and behind me on it," she says. "We'll make a lot of money and give a bunch of it to charity."

So with this fresh start is Courtney ready to find love again?

"I still wear his pajamas to bed," she revealed. "How am I ever going to go form another relationship in my lifetime wearing Kurt's pajamas?"

My heart hurts.

Swoon, swoon, swoon.

I love Orlando Bloom!! Besides being so talented and quite the looker, the Pirates of the Caribbean star gets the fact that his fans are all about loving him. Even when he's busy or eating or late for a meeting, he never wants to let you down.

Orlando refused to talk to Gotham about a star-obsessed woman that once snuck into his hotel room. "To be honest, I don’t want to share that with you because if I were that person reading this, I’d feel so embarrassed," said. Awwww!

He went on to tell a story about how he actually went back and apologized to a fan to whom he didn't pay attention.

“She got kind of aggressive with me and was really angry. She was like, ‘I’ve been at every premiere and you never say hello’,” the actor told the mag. “And it was funny, I felt really upset. I felt bad for her. So I turned around and went over to her and just gave her a hug and said, ‘It’s cool. I’m sorry you feel let down or disappointed. But the nature of my life is I can’t necessarily stop every time, and it’s not because I don’t want to.’ I think she felt a little better afterward, and so did I. And for me, it actually shed a little light on the other side of the coin."

Come on, how many celebrities do you know of that would do that? Let me count -- um, none.

Good for you, Orlando, for knowing where your bread is buttered!

Here's one less reason for the men in your life to take the Victoria's Secret catalog into the bathroom, under the guise that they are looking to get you a gift, of course.

Gisele Bundchen will be turning in her wings as Vicki S. top angel, confirmed her very own sister, to a Brazilian website. Apparently the hot body thought she was worth a cool five mil a year -- the lingerie company disagreed.

"Her demands were outrageous. She got a new lawyer who was unrealistic," a source told Page Six. "Victoria's Secret doesn't care. They have five new hotter, younger girls debuting next year. And they won't have to deal with any craziness."

Just tell that to your man and he'll get over the loss in no time.