In a very deserving turnaround, Eminem is the one being made fun of in a new video.

Former object of his affection, Mariah Carey, dresses up like the rapper in her video for her song, "Obsessed," where she just might be singing about Em.

"You're so lame....Ooh boy, why you so obsessed with me? Ohh finally found a girl that you couldn't impress/Last man on the earth/still couldn't get this," sings Mimi.

The back-story on these two is shady -- Em says they dated, Mariah says he wishes. Either way, Em started by dissing Mariah's hubby, Nick Cannon, in his song "Bagpipes From Baghdad." So, all's fair in love and war, kids.

Something must be in the water in New Jersey -- 'cause these women are nutty!

I am, apparently, making the biggest mistake of my life by not watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

The dishiest season of the Bravo show yet is spilling over with drama, as the new Us Weekly is reporting that former BFFs Jacqueline Laurita and Danielle Staub are no longer even civil to each other.

"I am not friends with Danielle," Jacqueline told the mag.

The new mom (she gave birth to her third child, Nicholas, on June 11) says she's keeping her former pal as far away as possible.

"She has never seen the baby, nor will I ever show her. I learned my family was right about her all along."

You see, Jacqueline threw her sisters-in-law, Dina and Caroline Manzo, by telling Danielle that that Dina was the one who outed Dan's shady past -- and the rap sheet was nothing to sneeze at. Federal court records have surfaced detailing Danielle's involvement in a kidnapping plot, a $24,000 cocaine ring and an "escort service."

Of course the tainted housewife denies any wrongdoing, but the damage is done.

They should call this show The Real Loonies of New Jersey.

The gossip guru has filed a lawsuit claiming he, coincidentally enough, got a black eye and suffered "emotional distress" after an altercation with the Black Eyed Peas' manager, Polo, in Toronto last weekend.

Perez has been pretty vocal about the fight that started when Peas' member Will.I.Am aggressively approached him about some nasty things she wrote about the band and Will's girl, Fergie.

Perez is seeking compensation for medical expenses and unspecified general and punitive damages.

Along with his fight against the Peas' manager, Perez has managed to anger GLAAD, after using gay slurs in his video blog about the incident. The gossip monger has offered numerous apologies, this being the most recent:

"I am apologizing to the gay community, to anyone who was hurt by my choice of words, and to all the people who have ever emailed me to thank me for all that I have done to fight for gay rights over the last few years."

Such drama!

Perez Hilton alleges he was assaulted by Black Eyed Peas member Will.I.Am's manager, Polo, after the MuchoMusic Video Awards in Toronto.

Perez says that he had a couple of confrontations with Will's bandmate Fergie over the weekend and, after, Will got in his face. There were multiple arguments that led to Will's manager allegedly punching the gossip guru in the face until he was bleeding.

Perez posted to his Twitter: "I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke."

But cops say it wasn't Will -- just a goon of his -- and Polo turned himself in to police this morning.

Needless to say, Perez is livid. He made this video telling "the truth" about what happened, while Will made his own, saying it was a random fan who hit Perez and not his manager.

I totally agree with Perez that violence is never the answer, but he had to think that, one of these days, someone was going to lose it considering all the trash he talks.

I'm sure this is one feud that is far from over.

"I told a bad joke," Dave said during the taping of Monday's show. "I told a joke that was beyond flawed, and my intent is completely meaningless compared to the perception."

"It's not your fault that it was misunderstood, it's my fault," he continued. "So I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I'm sorry about it and I'll try to do better in the future. Thank you very much." 

The joke made reference to Sarah's youngest daughter and former Gov. Elliot Spitzer, who was a caught in a prostitute scandal last year.

Both Sarah and Todd Palin were outraged by Dave's comments.

You can't the hit jackpot with all the jokes, Dave. Good for him for making amends.

Al Roker must be hanging with Lauren Conrad on the weekends, because the dude has so much hatred for Heidi and Spencer Pratt it's crazy!

Speidi was on Today this morning, talking about their appearance on I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here, when the venom began to seep out of Al Roker's voice. He was just so disgusted by them!

After, Heidi and Spencer talked to Ryan Seacrest -- and took shots at the anchor.

"I'm still trying to figure out, was the weatherman asking us questions?" he told Ryan. "I thought we were getting interviewed by Matt Lauer or something."

Heidi said that mean, old Al drove her tears!

"I was shocked at how rude he was - I was crying afterwards because I couldn't believe I felt personally attacked. I wanted to say to him, do you feel proud of how you're talking to me right now? I'm just a young woman and you're coming at me so aggressively and meanly [sic] and mean-spirited."

The soon-to-be Playboy bunny insisted, "I just wanted to talk about the show and my experience there and how fun it was, and he just made it a very uncomfortable and awful experience. I really would advise women especially to be careful around him because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me and I did not appreciate that at all."

The interview was really uncomfortable to watch -- Al was almost unprofessional -- but Heidi and Spencer deserve everything they get and plenty more.

Never one to censor himself, Howard Stern decided the best place to express his ill feelings towards Jay Leno would be on David Letterman's couch.

Howard tried numerous times to get Dave talking about new host Conan O'Brien vs. old host Leno on Monday night's show, but Dave managed to side-step him for a while.

But nobody stops Howard. He went back to the topic later, telling Dave about Jay, "I've never seen anybody who behaves like a robot like this guy."

"Where's the emotion? Where's the humanity? Here's the host we wanna watch!" he said of Dave, who he also thanked for giving Howard his big break.

Hopefully Dave will continue to bring happiness to late night -- and shock jocks alike -- as he has just signed a deal with CBS to stay at his desk for three more years. 

Yay. Love Dave. Love Howard. Love everything.

Pete Wentz had to play referee for wife Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and former girlfriend Michelle Trachtenberg, after Ash got a bit tipsy and, um, went nuts.

It all started out fine when the couple met up with Michelle at the "DJ Hero" video game party at LA's Wiltern Theatre. According to PerezHilton.com, "The evening started off very civilly. Pete and Ashlee had a pleasant conversation with Michelle and her boyfriend for close to 20 minutes, and even showed [Michelle] some baby pictures of [Ashlee's] little boy, Bronx."

But then Ashlee started throwing back drinks -- and things got messy.

"Things got out of control," an insider said. Ashlee began to give her hubby a lap dance, while staring at his ex and making inappropriate remarks to the Gossip Girl actress. "She was grinding up on Pete like a stripper. It was actually pretty disgusting," the witness blabbed.

Then Ash did the unthinkable -- she turned to Michelle, who was confused by the whole thing, and said, "I hope you know, the whole time you were dating Pete, I was [bleep]ing him!"

Oh no she didn't!

Pete reportedly was about to die when someone came and made Ashlee leave.

A rep for Ashlee said, "It was just a misunderstanding. Ashlee has since apologized to Michelle and they remain on good terms."

Riiight. Good terms, my hiney. Love it. 

-Photo by Getty Images-
"I was at Stella McCartney's Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, [PETA supporter] Paul McCartney and Kanye West. The entire time Kanye is going, 'They need more fur in this show'. He just wouldn't shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he's saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! I was just so grossed out by him. I'm like, 'You're an idiot!' There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he's up there. I should wear him. Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur."

--- Animal-lover and vegetarian Pink, to Australia's FHM, on Kanye West's pro-fur tirade at a recent fashion show

Oh, how I love her.

The once-American Idol runner-up has nothing nice to say about this season's second-place finisher, Adam Lambert. On his blog, Clay took it upon himself to go off on the glammed-up rocker that some thought were going to take the title this year.

"For the record...I couldn't be happier about the way AI ended this year," Clay wrote about cutie Kris Allen's victory. "I only turn the show on once a season, and only to see what the set looks like each year.

"This year, I happened to turn it during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing 'Ring of Fire' and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful and slightly frightening!"

"Just not my cup of tea at all. To each his own."

Like that wasn't bad enough -- Clay went on to just spit on most of the recent Idols -- and the judges.

"Not even having watched the show, I can tell you that I was WELL aware of the bias from the judges as to who should win. In my opinion, that is awfully unattractive. I don't think I am alone.

"I think many were turned off by the blatant favoritism shows towards one contestant...And, at the same time, I think they voted AGAINST an American Idol that has, for four years now, been more about the slick productions and polished contestants than it has been about finding the raw talent that it did in its first three seasons.

"Enough with the pretention. More Rubens, more Clays, more Fantasias and Tamyras and Kellys please."

Um, ew, Clay. Who asked you?

Nick Cannon has some words for Eminem, who had some words of his own about Nick's wife, Mariah Carey.

Em's new song, "Bagpipes From Baghdad," includes lyrics like "I want another crack at ya" and "Nick Cannon better back...up. I'm not playing, I want her back, you punk.'"

Em and Mariah had a brief fling back in 2001 (I know!) but, regardless, Mariah's current hubby is not having the smack talk.

"I felt sorry for him because he must really be stuck in the past," Nick blogged. "Not only has his music not evolved, but also homeboy is still obsessed with my wife, the same female that wouldn't let him get to second base from eight years ago."

"What type of grown...man lies about getting with a chick? Only Slim Lamey! LOL!" Nick stung.

There is NO WAY this is the last we are going to hear about this.

So, I wanted to tell you that I'm psyched about this upcoming weekend, not just because Sunday is Mother's Day and I'm a mom and I love my mom, BUT, because Saturday night I will be in the fabulous Atlantic City for Brooke Hogan's 21st birthday party!

Brooke already had one bash in Las Vegas on Tuesday (not without drama, of course. Her dad, Hulk Hogan, was there with his new girlfriend --a Brooke clone-- but mom Linda wasn't) and now she's heading to Jersey for some fun in AC.

We'll be partying with Brooke at the Harrah's, and I am so hoping with all my might that Hulk is there for this fiesta, too! I need to get my hands on those pythons! My secret goal is to get him to put me in an Airplane Spin.

So, look for a full report on the craziness come Monday. You know I will dish all the dirt!

There is a good possibility that Kiefer Sutherland's wacky temper could land him back in jail. After headbutting designer Jack McCollough at a party early Tuesday morning (Why? Not sure, something that had to do with Brooke Shields, we think), Los Angeles could slap the actor with probation violation.

Kiefer served 48 days in jail for a double DUI and was given 60 months probation. Assaulting someone would obviously be a violation of that.

"We would have to decide whether or not file a probation violation and then he could potentially face the remainder of the time left on the count to which he entered his original plea," Los Angeles City Attorney's Office spokesman Frank Mateljan told E! News. "He could go back to jail, but that would be the maximum and a lot of it is case-specific."

The guy on the other end of Kiefer's head is said to have a broken nose.

"There is an ongoing investigation into an assault," an NYPD detective confirmed to E! News today. "A white male got into a verbal altercation with another white male, 30, when he head-butted him, causing injury to his nose. The report was filed [Tuesday] evening. The incident happened at 2 a.m. Tuesday morning."

The New York Daily News says our real-life Jack Bauer will be charged with third-degree assault, and he will be free until his arraignment.

A source close to the actor says that Kiefer is remorseful for the incident.

"Kiefer is sorry it happened," a friend of the actor told the paper. "Absolutely. It's terribly regrettable."

Dude, get that temper in check!

According to TMZ.com, Kiefer headbutted Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough after he allegedly knocked Brooke over. Onlookers say Kiefer tried to get the man, who designs clothes for Brooke, to apologize, but Jack pushed Kiefer away. That's when the headbutting took place, leaving lacerations on the designer's nose.

But here's the thing, when contacted about the incident, Brooke's rep is not taking Kiefer's side. The model's camp is saying that "nothing happened to her," adding "Jack did nothing inappropriate. It's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did."  

But, when TMZ asked the rep, "Did Jack touch her?" Their response was, "We don't know."

Brooke is scheduled to be interviewed by police on Wednesday.

Sketchy, right? Was Kiefer defending Brooke's honor, or what? We'll keep you posted...

There seems to be some fur flying backstage on the Dancing with the Stars set!

Jewel, who was supposed to be a contestant but dropped out because of an injury, is taking issue with the fact that Bachelor star Melissa Rycroft is still in the competition even though she didn't dance last week due to a busted rib.

"If you're too hurt to compete then you can't compete," Jewel wrote on her husband Ty Murray's (who is also currently in the running to win the Dancing trophy.) MySpace blog. "I think the rule about 'judging a rehearsal if the person is too injured to perform' was weird both times they have used it."

The rule states that a contestant too injured to compete on the live show will be judged on their rehearsal footage, and was used when Steve-O hurt his back earlier in the season, as well as last week for Melissa.

"As bad as I felt for Melissa, who I hope feels better and comes back, I'm used to our cowboy athletes that live by the rule: 'ride hurt or don't get a score,'" Jewel writes. "It may seem harsh, but it seems like the only way to keep things honest."

"But," she adds, "if I were to be on the show I might change my mind. Hahah!"

She definitely has a point. And I like that she's so passionate and supportive of her hubby, but it can't make things comfortable on the Dancing set, can it?

What do you think?

But will Lauren be in attendance when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt walk down the aisle for real this Saturday (which, of course, is being taped as the season finale)?

"Um, probably not," L.C. said when asked if she was going to the festivities. But Lauren did admit that she was invited.

I wonder how Heidi got that past Spencer.

Who really knows, though? There could be some big dramatic staged moment where Lauren busts through the chapel doors right at the last minute and yells, "DON'T MARRY HIM -- HE'S SATAN!" But, if she does do that, I'm thinking she would have to push through the crowds of other people who are trying to stop the wedding.

Gwyneth Paltrow has everyone buzzing about the latest edition of her GOOP newsletter, in which she talks about a past "frenemy...hell-bent on taking me down."

Of course Gwynnie isn't naming names, so we are all trying to guess who she is talking about. I think the best bet is Winona Ryder, who used to be besties with Gwyn. They even did the whole "my best friend will date your best friend thing," while Gwyneth was dating Ben Affleck and Winona took up with Matt Damon. But, as the story goes, the two had a falling out when they both wanted the lead in Shakespeare in Love and Gwyneth got it.

Also, Gwyn says that she was delighted when she heard "something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person."

Shoplifting incident, anyone?

Still, seems really catty to be bringing this up now, no? And I'd rather be friends with Winona over Gwyneth any day. I mean, Reality Bites vs. Sliding Doors? Come on-- no contest!

As expected, Nicolette is totally playing it cool.

"I said, 'OK, sayonara. It's been a great ride. Thank you,'" the actress told the new issue of TV Guide, when she heard Edie was meeting her maker. Then she threw this out to DH creator Marc Cherry: "Somebody up there really wanted her dead. I think whoever Edie represented in Marc's life was somebody he didn't like, and he had a very difficult time distinguishing between fact and fiction."

Mee-ow!

But, of course, Marc wasn't going to just let that go -- he needed hit back.

"Edie's already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could," Marc said of why it was time for Nic to go. And, as for her replacement, it doesn't seem like it will be anything close to what Nicolette brought to the show.

"We will find a new kind of sexiness coming through Wisteria Lane," he said. "What I won't do is cast another forty something sexy blonde... [Nicollette] performed the aging neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before."

Um, ouch! Is it me or did that sting?

Well, it's not Bridget that's retaliating with the smack talk, but pals of the actress are not keeping as quiet.

One friend told Page Six, "If Gisele loved Bridget's child like he was '100 percent her own,' then she would not talk about him in the press. Discretion and respect are not either of Gisele or Tom's virtues, as was evidenced even when the child was still unborn and they publicly flaunted their relationship without any discretion whatsoever."

Point taken.

"Don't you think Jack will grow up and read her comments and find them disrespectful to him and his mother? If Tom is such a great father as everyone likes to say, then you would think that he'd respect the privacy of his young child and would ask his wife not to use his son as a publicity prop and a subject of public discussion," the chum raged on. "Is she is so desperate for attention that she can't find anything more productive to talk about other than Bridget's child?"

Yowza! That is some venom!

And for one final blow, referencing Gisele's comment "It's not like because somebody else delivered him, that's not my child -- I feel it is, 100 percent," Bridget's brigade quipped, "Hey Gisele -- real mothers don't call their kids 'it.'"

Yeah, we aren't seeing any big, happy family holidays in the future.

But now Candy is writing her own memoir, Stories from Candyland, and we have to think there is going to be some jabs thrown Tori's way. Candy says she doesn't even associate with her daughter and grandchildren.

"I don't see Tori and Dean [McDermott] anymore," Candy told People.com. "I used to see Liam, but no longer. And I've never met Stella."

Aaron Spelling's widow swears she doesn't even know why Tori is upset with her.

"I've tried to talk to her, but that doesn't work. She may not even know why she's angry."

According to Tori, she's pissed because her mom was a cold-hearted beeyatch, wrapped up in the family's money. And, not to take sides, but Candy doesn't exactly make us think otherwise.

"Someday my grandchildren will know who I am because of the trust funds I've set up" she said. "But I would like to be part of their lives now. I would have loved to have built that playhouse for them."

It's sad that the family is so broken, but those kids might just be better off.

Yeah, you do -- 'cause it was awesome!

Well, Megan has just filed a lawsuit against Ozzy's wife, claiming battery, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Megan says Sharon pulled her hair and scratched her. She seeks a jury trial and punitive damages.

Ugh! She's such a gold digger!

Okay, fine, so maybe Sharon did give her a beat down on television -- but Megan was so out of line -- and she started it! You can see for yourself on VH1's website -- look for "Sharon and Megan's big fight."

Meg's attorney Warren J. Binder said in an interview: "It's pretty hard to deny what happened on the video."

Yeah, but can't I testify and give them the very persuasive, "But she like totally deserved it!"?

Paula Abdul is swearing up and down that she did not diss new American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi.

OK! magazine claimed that Paula said that the talent competition just doesn't work with four judges, which sent Kara off on a tirade to Access Hollywood.

The newbie said she was "disappointed" by Paula's comments, "and hurt that she did not address them to me in person."

But now Paula is saying that she never uttered those hurtful words -- about Kara -- and that it was your typical tabloid quote switcheroo that took place.

"It is unfortunate that a quote of mine was taken completely out of context today," Paula told Usmagazine.com. "I was actually referring specifically to the use of 'guest judges' in seasons past, NOT Kara or this season. I am thrilled to have her by my side each week on American Idol."

I'm not sure what the deal is here. I'm positive Paula doesn't remember half the things she says (I mean, does she even understand what the hell she's talking about ever?), but that Kara is a bit of an ice queen, too. I'm going to think there is a bit of truth to both sides.

Look, I know what you're thinking. I thought I was so over The Hills too. But then I saw this trailer for the new (and, probably, final) season and they pulled me right back in.

From Spencer using his cheesy lines on some cheesy bartender, to Lauren and Heidi's tearful hugfest, to Stephanie's annoying voice -- season 5 is looking like it's going to give us all the dramz and pseudo-shocking moments we MTV kids just adore.

Check it out and let me know if you will be joining me in the gluttony. 

What was up with Barbara Walters calling out Bonnie Hunt on The View yesterday? Seriously, who peed in her coffee?

We all are fans of Bonnie, right? She's a frequent funny guest on Letterman and the sarcastic but loving sister from Jerry Maguire--turned talk show host. What's not to love? But, apparently, Babs has found something. 

During Bonnie's chat with the View ladies, she mentioned something about Barbara's "glamorous life," to which Babs snapped, "You have no idea what my life is."

Bonnie was stunned -- as was I -- and tried to play it off with humor, saying, "Ok, I'm going to come clean, I'm never seen this show." To which Babs venomously replied " You know what, that's okay, 'cause I've never seen yours."

The rest of the panel looked like they wanted to crawl behind that couch (check out Whoopi's face!), as they awkwardly finished the interview.

I am not sure what Bonnie ever did to Barbara, but something tells me there's a good story there.

That Etta James has got an at-ti-tude!

The singer recently took issue with the fact that President Barack Obama had Beyonce sing Etta's song, "At Last," at his inaugural ball. Etta told the audience at a recent concert of hers that she's not a fan, to say the least.

"I can't stand Beyoncé... [she] had no business ... singing my song that I been singing forever."

But that's not all -- Etta then threw this gem out, saying that B is "gonna get her ass whooped."

I swear -- listen for yourself. It's great!

Yeah, kind of random, but kind of great, all at the same time.

Here's the deal: Hilary Duff is set to reprise Faye's legendary role as Bonnie in the remake of The Story of Bonnie and Clyde -- and Faye is not exactly happy with the director's choice.

"Couldn't they have at least cast a real actress?" she said said last week, when she heard the news that Hil was going to star in the flick.

Burn!

But don't think sweet, little Hilary was just going to roll over and die. No way, man. She gave her own little zinger soundbite to E!

"I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don't even know who she is, so you know...," Hil said. "I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too."

LOL! OMG! SUPER BURN! LOVE IT!

On next week's season finale of The Hills, the world's most famous frenemies, Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag manage to make amends.

In this preview you'll see all kinds of shocking moves -- like Justin Bobby giving Audrina a ring (um, what?, Lauren and Heidi hugging through their tears, and Hedi's mom forbidding Spencer from legally marrying her daughter.

Okay that last one wasn't so shocking -- it would be crazy if she didn't -- but it still looks juicy. And, yes, somehow, I still care.