I know, I know. Why won't they just go away?

Heidi Montag is, once again, on the cover of the new Us Weekly (seriously, what does she have on Editor-in-Chief Janice Min?) and, this time, she's saying that she's "Ready to Say 'I Do'" to the terrible Spencer Pratt. There's no doubt that these two deserve each other, or as Heidi likes to spin it, they are "soulmates."

Anyway, the reason why I'm even bringing this to your attention is because of how hysterically funny the story is behind The Hills stars' re-engagement. Supposedly the couple went away together on a "secret" trip to Mexico, where Spencer was able to convince Heidi to marry him, after they read from the Bible together!

"Heidi read me biblical passages like 'Honor thy wife,'" Spencer told the mag.

Are you sure, Spence? Are you positive she didn't have a copy of Cosmopolitan pasted inside the cover of the Bible? And I wonder how many photographers were invited on this religious retreat. I just can't deal with these two.

Crazy Anne Heche is at it again. This time, the from-another-planet actress is claiming that she is hurting for cash. So much so, that she can no longer pay spousal and child support to her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon. Anne says that since her last television show, Men In Trees, was canceled, she is just scrounging to live.

"Since January 18, 2008, I have been unemployed and had no income from employment except for one very short-term contract for a movie role for which I received a total of $65,00, approximately the amount I received for one episode of Men In Trees," she wrote in court documents. "I do receive some residuals from previous acting work. However, the amounts are nominal and are offset by recurring business expenses that must be paid whether or not I am working."

Anne has been shelling out $14,798 in monthly support, plus private school tuition for her 6-year-old son Homer, the mortgage on her house in Canada where Men In Trees filmed, rent on her Los Angeles home and car expenses.

"I am continuing to look for work, but I have no offers pending and the impending strike by the Screen Actors Guild reduces my prospects for work even further," Anne's court documents said. 

Hmm. That's a tough one -- all those trips to planet Loony are costly. 

Wait -- I have an idea! Send your kid to public school, sell your house in Canada, rent a an inexpensive apartment in Los Angeles and take the bus. Problem solved.

Here's something you don't see everyday -- unless we're talking about Pamela Anderson.

Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have called off their divorce! According to Extra, a court official confirms that the couple's divorce papers have been dismissed. Sean and Robin, who split in December after 11 years of marriage, were also seen together on Tuesday at an Eddie Vedder concert in San Francisco, where Sean jumped on stage and reportedly dedicated a song to his wife for her birthday.

Good for them for trying to make it work. I guess Robin doesn't care that Sean was parading around the Oscars with Petra Nemcova -- or maybe that's what pushed her to want him back. Very sneaky, Sean.

David and Victoria Beckham had a nice little date night after his soccer match against a French team (David's team lost). The posh couple enjoyed a late meal at the Baccarat museum's restaurant before heading back to the George V hotel.

They're not too hard on the eyes, huh?

This marriage between sex tape king Rick Salomon and Pamela Anderson was already such a joke -- now they are just making things worse.

You see, Pam filed for divorce after a big two months of wedded bliss, then changed her mind, then filed for an annulment, citing "fraud". Now Rick is hitting back with his own annulment papers -- and he's citing "fraud"!

Neither one has explained the reasoning behind the fraud claim (very reminiscent of the split between Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney, but with a higher ick factor), and I kind of don't even care. It's not like we thought these two would be celebrating their silver anniversary together.

What is the best way to show the world that there is absolutely no trouble in your marriage? Head out for a paparazzi-filled romantic night on the town, of course!

One day after Madonna's rep released a statement saying that all is well in the Madge-Ritchie household, the Material Girl and her hubby, Guy Ritchie, stepped out in front of photographers, as they left Harry's bar in London.

So, what do you think? A show? A sham? Just a coincidence? 

It's Valentine's Day, kids, and let me say, right off the bat, that I love you. All of you. Even the haters.

That's right, I'm filled with love and you can't stop me. We are so quick to spread hate and venom, but so short on love. Not today -- I'm spreading love. Get on board, tell the people that mean the most to you how you feel. Whether it be your mom, dad, brother, sister, best friend, husband, wife, babysitter, teacher, butcher, hairstylist, mailman -- whoever. Spread the love. Spread it like butter.

Okay, back the world of celeb gossip. Ever wonder what makes certain celeb couples sizzle (hello, Brangelina), while others just completely fizzle out? Well, we did some digging, talked to some professionals, and found out the inside scoop on, let's just say, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are scoring touchdowns in the boudoir, while Jess and John Mayer hit a sour note.

Check out Celebrity Chemistry Class now>>

 

You knew that this had to be a headline somewhere.

Star rag is saying that when Britney Spears and pap boyfriend Adnan Ghalib ran away to Mexico on a secret trip last month, they actually got married.

Star editor Candace Trunzo told the NY Daily News' Gatecrasher: "Our source on this was not in Rosarito Beach at the ceremony, but is very familiar with the fact that [wedding] documents exist."

Even if it did take place, the wedding would really mean nothing, considering Adnan is still married to his wife, AzLynn Berry, who just recently filed official separation papers

The mag also says that Britney gave Adnan $250,000 to get his current wife out of the picture a little more quickly, and told her lawyers that the cash was for her new Mercedes. 

What do you think? Did Britney and Adnan have a "spiritual" ceremony like Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy? Look how well that turned out.

So, now Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon say they've talked it over and the divorce is off. They apparently had a huge fight last week, which led Pam to file a claim for dissolution of marriage. Now TMZ.com says that everything is back to being just perfect between the two crazies.

Pam just posted this quick note on her blog:

"P.S. We're working things out."

That's it for now, but I'm sure I'll be back to tell you that they're back off very soon. Perhaps before the end of the day.

Let me tell you something, the Beckhams have really grown on me. Obviously, I've always been a fan on David -- even if he never kicks another soccer ball in his life -- I'll be a fan of his nicely-tattooed bod. But, in the past, I've given Victoria a hard time. Now I'm sort of liking her. She's kind of cute and silly.

The sexy pair have been living it up lately, as their three kids have been spending some time with their grandparents. Gotta love the grandparents -- they are saviors. Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz are staying with Anthony and Jacqueline Adams, Posh's parents, as she and David tour with the Spice Girls. Posh told Britain's The Sun that she and her hubby are partying it up.

"We've had two nights out, which have been really messy and we are loving it," Victoria admitted. "We are behaving like rock stars. We're having the time of our lives. It hasn't been like this for years — since before our first son was born."

Hence their night at a Vegas strip club.

Doesn't that sound fun, though? I wish my husband and I could hop on a jet, fly around the world and party "like rock stars", at least for a while.

The ever-so-hot David Beckham and his wife, Victoria, generated a little heat over the weekend, as sources say the marrieds had a little fun in a Vegas strip club.

According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, Posh and Becks spent three hours in a private room at the Spearmint Rhino. Vicki's rep says they "did go to a strip club with a group of friends to celebrate one of the friend's birthday." The couple were in Sin City for a bunch of Spice Girls concerts -- and it certainly sounds like they spiced things up.

Sigh. I wish I was there.