Blech!

Benji Madden is killing me. The Good Charlotte rocker has done the unthinkable and has given Paris Hilton even more reason to think she's the greatest thing since sliced bread -- he's written her a song. And, no surprise, she's telling the world.

"He actually wrote me a beautiful song, and actually recorded it in the studio," Paris told People.com. "He surprised me with it. It's called, 'Shine Your Light.' It's this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me."

Let me tell you what I got out of  that sentence: "Actually, me, me, me, actually, me."

But, Paris continued to gush about how wonderful her boyfriend of two whole months is to her. "He's my best friend," she said. "He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what."

So, is she already planning a spectacle of a wedding?

"I don't know," she smiled, "My life's a lot different now, I'm very much at peace, and I'm so happy, and in control, and so very excited about life."

There's no way Benji is coming out of this unscathed.

Joel Madden

continues to be the new love of my life, as he surprised his honey, Nicole Richie, with a weekend getaway to one of her favorite places.

"[Nicole] hasn't been able to do a whole lot over the year, so we're having a little family trip," Joel told People.com.
"I [rented] a house and surprised Nicole with a weekend trip because she likes Coachella. She was like, 'I really want to go!' So I surprised her. We brought the baby."

The couple partied in Palm Springs at the music & arts festival, where performances by Prince, Jack Johnson and Roger Waters took place.

Also on hand? "So in love" Paris Hilton and Benji Madden, of course. When asked whether he or his brother would marry first, Joel said, "We're the family with the baby so I think probably us, but who knows."

I can't. Paris and Benji are really going to get married? I can NOT.

Is this really possible? Are Paris Hilton and Benji Madden really, seriously in love?

So says Mama, Kathy Hilton. Paris' mom told Vegas Luxe Life blog that her daughter and the Good Charlotte rocker are, indeed, super serious. "This has honestly become the real thing," Kathy said of Paris & Benji's relationship. "It's a great love match, and I have a funny feeling it's going to go all the way, and we've already given it our approval."

Rick Hilton agrees with his wife, adding that Benji is "the perfect example of 'don't judge a book by its cover.' He's polite, well mannered – even calls me sir. We love him like family already."

Paris is currently touring with Benji and the rest of the band and her mom says that Ben just might be the best thing that has ever happened to her daughter. "Their life has never been better," Kathy said. "We agree with Paris that he is an amazing guy... He's changed her life, and I really think she's genuinely in love for the first time."

It's just so hard for me to believe that Paris isn't dating him because he's Nicole Richie's boyfriend's brother, and because she's jealous of what Nicole has.

But, hey, who am I (besides a cynical celebrity blogger) to look down on love, right?

There's an item from today's New York Post's Page Six that made me giggle. It's all about the auditions for Paris Hilton's upcoming MTV reality show, Paris Hilton's My New BFF. A spy for the paper says that the lineup of potential candidates, who lined up outside New York's Nikki Beach, were quite the sight to see.

"It looked like Barbie threw up in there," was the statement used to describe the scene. "All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses."

Oh, you mean they all looked exactly like Paris.

"Like Barbie threw up" -- LOVE IT.

Barron Hilton, who was arrested for suspicion of DUI in February, has pleaded no contest to driving under the influence with a blood-alcohol level above the 0.08 percent legal limit and unlawful possession of a false license.

In exchange for his plea, Paris' little bro has been sentenced to three years' probation, $2,000 in fines (pocket change), he'll lose his license for one year, and he will have to attend three alcohol-education programs, one of which is a job at the L.A. County morgue -- just like Lindsay Lohan! 

How mad would Paris be if Barron and her arch-enemy Linds hooked up in the morgue? She'd totally want to kill them.

I'm still so confused about the timing of the Paris Hilton/Benji Madden hookup. Wasn't Benji engaged to Sophie Monk like a minute before he and Paris started parading around town together, wearing each other's initials on terrible rings?

Well, Paris, who is currently on tour with Benji, Nicole Richie's man Joel Madden, and the rest of Good Charlotte, is professing her love for the rocker on her MySpace Celebrity blog. The heiress is simply gushing about how fantastic and serious her new relationship is. Here's an excerpt from her most recent post"

Hey everyone!
Just wanted to check in and say hi! I’ve been on tour with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We’ve been everywhere from South Africa to all around Europe. It’s been so much fun! I’ve never felt so happy and in love, he’s such an amazing guy and life has never been better! It’s so much fun going to their shows every night, I now know every song by heart. I love Good Charlotte, they rock!! All the guys in the band are so cool and sweet and it’s been such an amazing and memorable experience."

Could Benji have seriously fallen in love again -- with Paris, for that matter -- so quickly after almost marrying someone else?  Could they possibly be the real deal? I can't even fathom.

It almost pains me to post this, just because Paris Hilton could not possibly love being the center of attention anymore and, by putting this up, I'm totally giving her what she wants, but I just had to. I have eyes, and I can see that Paris is an attractive girl, but, when it comes to dancing, she is just an awkward mess. In this clip, the heiress, who was a judge in the Miss Turkey pageant, gets pulled up on stage by a contestant who is belly dancing. Paris joins in and shakes it all about. I don't think her version could be any farther from sexy, but you decide for yourself.

Paris Hilton

must really be into new boyfriend, Benji Madden, 'cause she's about to get on a tour bus with the guy, as Good Charlotte is hitting the road for an international tour.

"I'm just happy to be together, so no matter where we are, we'll have a great time," the heiress told People.com, at the opening of Benji and Joel Madden's new DCMA Collective store in Los Angeles.

So, what's Benji have to say about his new main squeeze?

"I'm a really easy guy to read. Everyone can tell I'm really happy," Ben said. "She's the most supportive [girlfriend], even as a friend, so supportive of everything I'm doing. And I try to be the same way for her."

Paris said that she and her man are heading to South Africa in a few days to kick off the tour. Raise your hand if you think Par Par will be stomp on Ben's heart when she hooks up with some blonde South African hottie.

Here's a sneak peek at Paris Hilton's guest spot on My Name is Earl. I know you can't possibly believe that a big-screen movie actress like Par Par would even consider being a supporting player in a sitcom, but she has. And the series creator has high hopes for her performance.

"When we wrote the role of Paris Hilton in the script, we weren't exactly sure who to go with for the role," Greg Garcia said. "But after an exhausting search we finally settled on a relatively unknown actress by the name of Paris Hilton. I can't wait to see what she does with the role and I can't wait for America to discover her."

The episode airs on April 3.  

Yes, that ring on Paris Hilton's finger does showcase the initials "BM" in diamonds -- not standing for "bowel movement", which is seems to have caused at my place -- but for her new love, Benji Madden, who is, no doubt, "The One."

Blech!

Australian model Sophie Monk isn't holding her tongue about the passionate (and very sudden) coupling of her ex Benji Madden and his new love, Paris Hilton. Just two weeks after Benji and Sophie put an end to their engagement plans -- and their entire relationship -- the Good Charlotte rocker has been seen attached at Paris' hip. So what does his ex think about it?

"Let me make this as plain as possible – Benji did not leave me for Paris Hilton," Sophie said in a statement, according to Australia's Herald Sun. "Benji and I did not break up badly or anything like that. We both decided, as adults, our relationship had run its course and decided to move on. I feel no animosity towards Benji and Paris at all and am very happy with life at the moment."

Womp, womp -- taking the high road. Good for her and all, but I wish she would have said what she really thinks.

To make matters worse, Paris is flaunting a new ring on her engagement finger. I just can't.

Paris Hilton + Benji Madden = Totally sickening together.

He's telling friends, "She's the one." Oy.

Photo: X17online.com

Now that Nicole Richie has gone and, selfishly, had a baby, Paris Hilton needs a new best friend. So, what's a celebutante to do when she is looking for Miss Right to go clubbing with? Create a reality show, of course!

According to Usmagazine.com, Paris will star in a brand new reality show depicting her search for Nicole's replacement. "The show is going to be about her searching for a new best friend," a source said. "Paris is tired of the haters and she's looking for someone new. She's looking for someone new and cool who she can trust."

Right, and what better way to find a trustworthy individual than to put out an open casting call.

This masterpiece is expected to be picked up by either MTV or VH1 and is "going to be full of good chick drama and you will see a side of Paris not seen on Simple Life."

I think Paris should have to pick from Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love rejects. Now that's a show I would watch.

 

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden (Joel's brother, Nicole Richie's almost brother-in-law) have been seen together numerous times in the past week, and more than one gossip source is saying that these two are a new item. According to PageSix.com,  they "were seen canoodling at the Ritz in St. Louis, and sat next to each other on their flight back to L.A. yesterday, but when they were leaving the airport they refused to walk next to each other. When asked if they are dating, Benji stayed silent, and Paris just smiled."

Gag me with a silver spoon!

My friend D seems to think that Paris is just hooking up with Joel so she can get herself a baby that will be cousin's with Nicole's kid, which I'm inclined to believe, considering Paris does all kinds of stupid things for all kinds of stupid reasons. And Benji's on the rebound since getting dumped by Sophie Monk just a few weeks ago, so he's vulnerable.

Don't fall into her clutches, Ben. And DO NOT give her a baby!!

It gives me great pleasure to announce to you that Paris Hilton's new movie, The Hottie and the Nottie, has been ranked the worst movie of all time by IMDB users!

That's bad, people. It ranked below American Idol's From Justin to Kelly. That's real bad. But, this honor should not come as a shock to Paris, as four out of her five movies are ranked in IMDB's bottom 100. And these people know what they're talking about -- they ranked The Godfather as the best movie. 

I'm sure Paris doesn't care, though. She's just so happy to be able to stare at herself on a big, giant screen for 90 whole minutes -- no matter how torturous they may be.

"I am sad for my little brother. I hear he is doing OK. I am there for him and will be speaking to him in an hour or so, hopefully, to lend my support."

  -- Paris Hilton, on her brother Barron's arrest for DUI

It was just a matter of time before Paris and Nicky Hilton's club-hopping brother, Barron, got into some sort of trouble.

Barron Hilton was arrested Tuesday morning on a charge of driving under the influence. Par for the course, you say? Dude is 18 -- and he was pulled over at 8am!

According to People.com, Paris' bro's blood-alcohol level was .14 percent (.08 percent is the legal limit), but for a person under 21, any blood-alcohol level is considered legally drunk. Barron's Mercedes was impounded, as he is currently being booked.

Papa Rick Hilton told TMZ.com, "I haven't been contacted yet by either my son or the police. If what I have heard is true, it is very disturbing and I will have a lot to say – but it will be to my son, not the media.

I hope the police station has a Hilton suite. 

Frenemies Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan would fight over a piece of gum, if they could hold the win over the other one's head.

According to London's Daily Mirror gossip girls, Paris and Lilo had some nasty words for one another at a pre-Grammy party. The 3am girls say they had a front row seat when Lindsay caught a glimpse of the heiress, pointed straight at her, and said, "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." To which Paris replied, in a lovely tone I'm sure, "F*ck off you bitch." 

Very classy, ladies.

But it seems that the girls just couldn't contain themselves, as it was total war for producer Timbaland's attention. A source close to the pair said, "Both of them want to work with Timbaland to revive their faltering music careers. Both saw the party as an ideal way of getting him on side - but they didn't count on the other being there."

So, who won? The spies say Paris ended up getting closer to Timba, much to Lindsay's dismay.

If you're keeping score, it's like Paris: 11,202 to Lindsay: 11,201

What jumps out at you from this cover of the new Cosmopolitan? Let's see. Is it the bright yellow backdrop? Nooooo. Is it the beautiful and talented Rhianna? Noooo. Is it the giant word "Va-jay-jay", sitting right near the pop stars' mid-section? Um, yeah!

Now, who thinks Ri Ri is happy about this? Not me. Rhianna tends to be pretty low-key. If the magazine had put repeat cooter flashers, like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, on the cover, maybe that would have been funny. This is just distracting and, frankly, a little embarrassing for the mom in a Shop Rite check-out line, who has to answer her six-year-old when they ask the question, "What's a va-jay-jay?"

"I like my mug shot. I think I have a really great mug shot. It looks like a magazine shoot.”

--- Paris Hilton, to Boston.com, after accepting Harvard's Lampoon Award for Woman of the Year

For more "hot" mug shots, play Celebrity Matchmaker: Stars Behind Bars

Oh, Paris!

If there is ever the tiniest bit of attention to get, Paris Hilton will get it. The socialite's latest eye-popping behavior has her lovin' it up at Tenjune in NYC, with actress Elisha Cuthbert. According to an onlooker, the girls were "all over each other and making out."

Paris and Elisha co-star in the new movie The Hottie and the Nottie, and I'm sure this little public display of affection wasn't so that more people would go see it, though Elisha's rep denies the incident took place at all.

I would be so much more interested in this story if Paris wasn't so obvious.

"She's such a sweet girl when I'm alone with her, she's a completely different person than she's made out to be. And I love her, I think she's very sweet and has a big heart. She's amazing. I just want her to be happy. I think everything's going to be OK."

-- Paris Hilton to Usmagazine.com, on her pal, Britney Spears

 

 Oh, wait. You think everything is going to be okay? Well, then, that's just super, Paris. That and two bucks will get Britney a ride on the subway.

I'm in a party mood -- it's New Year's Eve -- let's talk about frivolous things and people.

Who could be more frivolous and indulgent than Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline? What about Paris and Kevin together? At a party. In Las Vegas.

So was the scene at LAX on Saturday and Pure Nightclub on Sunday, as Britney's pal and Britney's ex drank and danced together this weekend. Paris and Kevin are both in Sin City to host separate New Year's Eve parties, but found their way to each other's side. According to People.com, the unlikely pair went back to Paris's room Saturday night after leaving the club, but seemed more distant on Sunday night.

Could they have been feeling a little regret from the night before? Hmmmmm....

It's Friday! Time to have some fun.

Caption this photo of Paris Hilton shopping at Kitson, the day before she left for her Christmas holiday in Hawaii.

I'll go first...

"I had better watch what I eat for lunch or the people in Hawaii might think I'm Jamie-Lynn Spears."

Your turn...

Source: X17online.com

Paris Hilton might actually have to, gasp!, work for some money at some point in her life.

I can only imagine the thoughts running through Paris' mind, when she heard the news that her grandfather, Barron Hilton, announced plans to donate 97 percent of his $2.3 billion fortune to charity.

Ha!

Sources say that Paris' granddaddy is not exactly happy with the social image the sex-tape queen has portrayed over the years -- which may or may not have contributed to his decision to diminish her inheritance by a boatload.

The fortune, which is estimated today at $2.3 billion, will be used to support projects that provide clean water in Africa, education for blind children, and for housing for the mentally ill -- which actually may include Paris, when she loses her mind from the thought of, horror of horrors, a budget.

I've definitely always believed that too much of Paris Hilton could make anyone throw up -- and, now, more people than ever will be puking courtesy of the socialite.

Paris has created her own line of champagne, Rich Prosecco, and will be in Berlin tomorrow for the European launch of the new canned bubbly. It's an interesting choice for Paris, since she was sent to jail for violating probation on a DUI arrest -- but, somehow, still makes plenty of sense.

Tell me, any interest in tasting the Paris juice?

Paris Hilton just couldn't take the thought of Lindsay Lohan sinking her teeth back into Stavros Niarchos.

Days after Lindsay was seen out late with the heiress' ex, Paris and Stavros were back in each other's arms, after flying down to Miami for a hot weekend together. According to PageSix.com, the couple took Stav's private jet down to Florida, where they were spotted drinking and making out at Miami's Mokai on Thursday night.

You may be wondering what happened to Paris' recent arm candy, aspiring model Alex Vaggo. Well, the paper says that Paris and Alex were never really dating, and they were just hanging out so that Paris could help Alex's career get off the ground.

Not to worry, I'm sure Lindsay will be ringing him up any minute now.

Britney Spears turned the ripe old age of 26 this weekend, and the pop star did it with as much attention as she could possibly muster up. In a teeny-tiny black slip dress, Britney partied it up like the star she is.

Photo agency X17 (Brit's peeps) caught all of the events of the momentous evening on film. Britney started off the night at the Scandinavian Style Party, hosted by Sharon Stone, attached at the hip to cousin Alli Simms and fellow cohort Sam Lufti. "[Britney] looked like she was in a very good mood, very excited!" says X17's source.

That's where Brit met up with her old pal Paris Hilton. The girls partied at the style fiesta, where Brit picked up her first birthday gift -- a fur coat worth thousands of dollars, given to her by a Scandinavian vendor. "Brit loved it and wore it all night," the spy said. Then it was cake time -- as a chocolate creation with raspberries arrived. Brit blew out the candles and hopefully made some kind of worthwhile wish. Then it was off the Four Seasons, where Brit continued to party with Paris, Alli, Sam and the crew in the penthouse.

I hope Britney enjoyed herself because there will, no doubt, be at least 50 disasters in her life in the coming week. At least.

I think Paris Hilton might be reading this blog.

Remember the other day when I suggested that Paris get knocked up, like BFF Nicole Richie, so she can change her life and clean up her act like Nic seems to have done? Well, I think Paris might be considering my advice. The heiress told People.com, at the Nissan Live Sets One Year Anniversary Party, tha